Foxholes and incoming can do that to a person (especially cowards).
5.56mm
"I wondered if my own death would even make a headline."
In the middle of battle, only a self absorbed jackass would think this..
"I discovered my commanding officer had a booklet with a section entitled 'How to deal with a dead media representative'."
Or maybe it was "How to deal with self absorbed media coward."
"My second - and final - act of cowardice came about 10 days into the war, as we prepared for yet another night bombardment.
"I had had enough. I asked my commanding officer if he could find me a way back. A few hours later, orders came through that all journalists were to stop using their Thuraya satellite phones, because the French had sold the codes to the Iraqis.
"It was a ludicrous explanation, but it at least meant I couldn't have stayed anyway. Or at least I could have stayed, but I couldn't have filed any more stories."
Why would that be ludicrous? Given this guys POV, I would bet many of the soldiers wanted to put a bullet into his SAT phone, out of concern he might betray their position.
I'm quite sure the soldiers were more than happy to be rid of this guy. he obviously didn't belong there. In the end, all his ethical questions to himself appear to have gone unanswered.