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Starting right now -- today -- this very morning -- please call up the local SEC and get a permit for tying your shoelaces. You DO know that one is needed, don't you? I mean if shoelaces aren't tied right, why people trip and fall -- major catastrophies happen. They -- the SEC -- have an exam, a registration process. It's quite comprehensive. Just what a free nation needs. After all, we can't afford to be endangered by fools like you who tie their shoes in a way that risks us all. Or are you some radical anarchist that believes people should be able to tie their own shoes. Move to Uganda then, you bozo!

"Starting right now -- today -- this very morning -- please call up the local SEC and get a permit for tying your shoelaces. You DO know that one is needed, don't you? I mean if shoelaces aren't tied right, why people trip and fall -- major catastrophies happen. They -- the SEC -- have an exam, a registration process. It's quite comprehensive. Just what a free nation needs. After all, we can't afford to be endangered by fools like you who tie their shoes in a way that risks us all. Or are you some radical anarchist that believes people should be able to tie their own shoes. Move to Uganda then, you bozo!"

If you have a problem with the laws pertaining to fraud or this article, take it up with the relevant legislature, the president, the SEC and the newspaper who published this story.

In actual fact, as you're so in love with immorality I think it's you who needs to move to Uganda; America is way too law-abiding a society for individuals of your evidently low character.