Posted on 05/11/2003 3:14:49 PM PDT by PJ-Comix
Gang, THIS gal is SOOOO PO'd I can barely move, talk, eat or ANYthing!!
Believe it!!
I'm madder than a wet hen & STILL buzzin' like a wasp *hours* after suffering through yet ANother Holiday from Hell, courtesy of Hill/Billy!!
!@#$%!!
What IS it w/ those g-danged 'toons & their BIzarre penchant for ruining h-o-l-i-d-a-y-s?!
W-H-Y, Lord?!
Sheesh, they *annihilated* last Easter w/ their cutesy little jack-booted SS-raid & *now* they've gone & trashed one of THE most precious of holidays: Mother's Day!!
W-H-Y?!
Sugars, my kin usu. eat our holiday-meal around 3:30 in the PM -- to allow for lots of chit-chattin', hooch-sippin' & relaxin' after the big meal, but THIS holiday things turned out a TAD different.
Hell, yes!!
My sis-in-law, Nicole, (German-gal who met/married my regular-army bro in Germany) was to do "the honors" -- cook the holiday-meal for THIS gal's family, my sis' family & my other brother's family. Nic's the only one of us kin-gals who ain't a mother yet, so she always does the Mother's Day meal -- ever since my other sis-in-law gave birth 3 Augusts ago.
Well, THIS gal dolled-up my two precious pumkins in their ribbons & bows & was *just* about to head out to the car to drive over to my brother's, when, low & behold, my sis-in-law phones moi & sasses that she wants to attend the "million" mom rally downtown & -- because of that -- dinner won't be ready 'til about 5:30.
Well, what the !@#$%?!
Gang, I lovingly *tried* to explain to Miss Nic that in *our* sane & sensible Bootheel town, there'd prolly be but a handful of local-lOOns crazy *enough* to demand that the Gov't (esp. THIS crazy-assed, atrocity-prone "administration") infringe on our precious 2nd-Amendment Right, but, no, Miss Nicole HAD to go, "protest" & see for herself!!
Dang fool!!
So, b/w gritted teeth, I said "OK, fine, we'll be over at 5."
*click*
S-O, after waitin' 'round for 2 hours like bumps on a log, me & my babies *finally* hightail it over to my brother's house where EVERYbody's PO'd at my sis-in-law for delaying dinner two hours, BUT we all sit down to dinner peaceful-like & mannerly.
Natch, the ditzy-dummkopf didn't have any hooch in the house, so the tension-level is beginning to make the wallpaper peel, but, since we're all expecting a beautiful roast (?!) ham (?!) or leg-or-lamb (!!), we're still wearing our holiday-smiles........UNTIL the little missus comes out of her kitchen & plops down a re-heated dutch-oven full of "apricot chicken" with "spetchle" (sp?) (German noodles).
WHAT in tarnation........?!
We all looked at her (desperately) hoping for a *LOL* & a "j/k", but, nope, she was *dead* serious, gang.
Miss Nic didn't have "time" to cook a roast with the "rally" & all, she sassed.
!@#$%!!
So, by THIS time, my fur's standing up like a porcupine's needles & I open the dutch over, see the re-heated "slop" (it WAS slop, gang -- mush, soup, ech! -- it had to be *weeks* old) & I sass, "WHY didn't you tell us beforehand, hon, someone else could've cooked?"
Well, apparently, THAT set her off -- she shook like an epileptic, ran into the kitchen & started sobbing!!
So, her hubby (my bro) goes to the kitchen to console her (after giving *ME* a dirty-look) (jerk!!) while the rest of us sit w/ our arms-crossed over our grumblin' tummies, PO'd & wondering if there ain't a restaurant in town that's open?!
Anyways, five minutes later, the lovely couple emerge from the kitchen as if NOthing's wrong, blithely pass out china/silverware &, apparently, *expect* us to eat the dutch-oven slop that's still settin' on the table & filling the dang house w/ a God-awful "aroma".
Well, UNsurprisingly, it took about *5* minutes for all of us to get into a BIG, LOUD argument re: the topic du jour: gun-control. In b/w the heated-rhetoric, my ever-lovin' bro brought up the notion that -- as a German gal -- Miss Nic should be esp. sensitive re: gun-control b/c banning guns (registering & then rounding 'em up) is how the SS-goons were able to cart off millions of Jews & other "undesirables" to concentration camps.
Well, w/ that spiel, Miss Nic snapped like a twig, gang.
She let loose w/ a stream of German obscenities that ended w/ something that sounded suspiciously like "asshole". My BP was going thru the roof, the apricots were sticking b/w my teeth & I was worried about my pumkins hearing all this dang nonsense from the kiddie-table in the next room, so I'm not sure if I can be blamed for what I did next -- calling Nic "a crazy, god-damned bitch" & throwing water in her face.
Nic's English ain't that great, so I was hoping she wasn't familiar w/ that particular expression, but, apparently she *was* b/c the next thing I saw was a handful of greasy "spetchle" (sp?) flung at me & landing ALL over my precious crowning-glory & kisser!!
!@#$%?!
&, the *next* thing I knew, food, drink (& curses) were flying everywhere.
On *Mother's Day*!!
Good Lord, forgive us ALL!!
Well, *somehow* I managed to grab my pumkins' hands & we tore outta that bungalow like bats heading outta hell on a one-way ticket!
Believe it!!
We sped through Mickey D's on the way home but we were *barely* able to keep down the burgers & fries (or was it chicken McNuggets?!) amidst all the shaking & nerve-jangling!!
Anywho, we're currently in hour 4 of our "healing-process" from Mother's Day.
But I honestly don't know if I'll EVER be able to talk to Miss Nic again!!
& THIS gal lays the blame at the doorstep of the 'toon administration for turning a nice, restful day honoring Mothers into a divisive, polarizing spectacle.
!@#$% a-holes!!
ZIP hugs, Janice, ALready beginning to experience anxiety re: the up-coming holiday: Father's Day, Flag Day, the Fourth of July................!!
HAPPY MOTHERS DAY!!!
And I watch the faces of the women in the pews and they sit there with their brows furrowed and their scowls evident. The expressions on their face says "That's right, reverend - YOU tell them!"
And I contrast that with every Father's Day sermon where we louts are told what crummy fathers we are and how the saintly, forbearing mothers should be treated better because they deserve it.
And I see the expressions on the women in the pews and they look identical to the ones I see on Mother's day: "That's right, reverend - YOU tell them!"
Now I realize that some mothers are, indeed, saints and some fathers are, indeed, louts. But I've always thought this was stereotyping to the extreme. Why can't Father's Day sermons praise fathers the way Mother's Day sermons praise mothers? And why aren't mothers ever told on Mother's Day how they need to be more mindful of the children? Only the fathers get this message.
I imagine it's probably because the pastor is afraid to find out what the women would do if he ever balanced his sermons.
Maybe someone should get Ms. Nic a crockpot, just in case she has the desire to attend another rally.
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