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AGHDAD - Little by little, as they passed in and out of the military checkpoint outside their office, certain journalists of the Iraqi Media Network fell in love with certain soldiers of the Third Infantry Division.

Notes were passed. Admiring phrases were translated into Arabic. And when the unit was transferred to Fallujah several weeks ago, letters were written about the pain of parting.

Before they shipped out to the Middle East, US soldiers were warned of the dangers of offending Iraqi women, with some instructed not even to make eye contact. Sensitivity about interactions with women has continued to be a flashpoint in the American occupation: The ongoing bloodshed in Fallujah, a Sunni Muslim town west of Baghdad, has been fueled in part by a rumor that soldiers are ogling women's bodies with night-vision goggles, which cannot see through clothing.

But on the sultry streets of Baghdad, where 53,000 American troops are now stationed, soldiers are finding that their interactions with Iraqi women are leading to friendships and, in some cases, romance. With emotions running high during the weeks after Saddam Hussein's regime fell, some soldiers found that relationships developed naturally.

Affections were particularly warm outside the Baghdad Convention Center, where the cosmopolitan staff of the Iraqi Media Network, a television station, moved into new offices guarded by US soldiers, said Josh O'Connor, a freelance producer from North Carolina who now works for the Iraqi station.

''There were a couple [marriage] proposals here and there,'' said O'Connor, 29, who found himself acting as a conduit between his colleagues and soldiers. ''Usually it was the women proposing to the men. Not all of them were accepted.''

Military authorities made no secret of their concern about their soldiers' interactions with women as the war approached. Male soldiers were taught special techniques to perform a search on a woman without touching her body - and when possible to call over a female soldier.

A number of soldiers interviewed said they try to avoid any interactions with women, because they are too dangerous.

Sergeant Jayson Hampton, 26, said he ends conversations by saying, ''I can't talk to you. I have to do my duty.'' He said he is ''not allowed'' to look women in the eye.

''It's against their religion and customs. We try not to transform them to the way we live,'' he said. ''We just let them live the way they usually do.''

In Baghdad, it is impossible to ignore the Americans, who attract crowds of children as they guard checkpoints or lean against tanks. Inevitably, they find themselves talking to women - some who want to practice their English, some who need to pass a checkpoint several times a day, and others who just want to talk.

Yesterday, as he guarded Al Yarmuk Hospital, Specialist Tron Coleman was being watched closely by two young women, both wearing veils covering their hair. A younger companion with the women declared she wanted to marry him, causing both of her friends to collapse in giggles.

But most said they resisted the temptation to respond, even to friendly approaches.

''We're soldiers ... and we have orders not to stare,'' said Sergeant Shon Bush of the First Armored Division. ''The culture says it's highly disrespectful. It would be taken [badly] by the Iraqis. They would say, `The American men are out here to have our women.'''

The friendships that developed over weeks at the Baghdad Convention Center were the result of exceptional circumstances, said O'Connor.

The soldiers from the Third Infantry Division ''were able to say, `We drove up from Kuwait, we liberated this place, and that's how we feel about it,''' and they, like the Iraqis, were fresh from the trauma of war, he said. The staff of the television station were favorably disposed toward the Americans.

Gradually, the soldiers began socializing with the staff, although they would refuse beers the Iraqis offered them, O'Connor said. After a while, a handful of them started asking about each other.

''I would say, `so-and-so likes you,''' he said. ''It's so like junior high school.''

By the time the soldiers received their orders to leave Baghdad, three women had formed close friendships with soldiers, and are hoping to see them again. O'Connor said the relationships had not caused any resentment, as far as he knew, from family or from other Iraqis.

''My sense is that it was kind of extraordinary circumstances, so exceptional'' that no one was upset by the flirtations, he said.

But the experience was so memorable that Sabah Al-Khafaji, a journalist and novelist who works at the station, wrote an article this week on the theme of love. After the soldiers departed, Khafaji tried to encourage one of her friends, smitten by an American, to take interest in another man. She would not.

''She said, `Don't tell me about the man.' I'll wait for him. I can't forget his eyes,'' Khafaji said.

The feeling was returned. Before leaving, one American wrote an emotional letter to the Iraqi Media Network, which was read to the entire staff at a meeting.

''I just want everyone to know that you are family to me, and will be missed very much,'' the letter said. ''A lot of people would say, they are just Iraqis. I would say, they are my Iraqis.''

Ellen Barry can be reached at barry@globe.com.

This story ran on page A1 of the Boston Globe on 6/6/2003.
© Copyright 2003 Globe Newspaper Company.