Posted on 06/08/2003 9:36:51 AM PDT by Clive
The leader of a troubled central African nation, the most equal of all comrades, has said it's regrettable he has to shoot tear gas at his own youths in the interest of peace and stability.
The statement comes just months after the most equal of all comrades said flattering things about a certain German who used an even more robust form of gas against people he didn't like.
The statement came while the troubled central African regime was experiencing its longest ever national strike as millions of people almost rose up in defiance of the most equal of all comrades.
The strike saw cities across the nation paralysed as suspiciously youthful cops loitered on city streets by day. And by night, suspiciously youthful men dressed like cops and soldiers rampaged through townships, committing countless acts of GBH against the More Drink Coming party.
Victims of violence flooded hospitals in cities across the country.
But despite the walking wounded -and worse-the government of the troubled central African dictatorship denied any wrong-doing. The most equal of all comrades dismissed the tear gas as necessary because the victims had been "misled."
Not being satisfied with causing terror and mayhem in the capital's troubled townships, victims of violence were re-visited in hospital, said the More Drink Coming Party. "It seems they weren't traumatised enough first time round to satisfy Zany loyalists," said an unnamed spokesman who can't be named because he doesn't really want a third visit from club wielding thugs.
Still, the tear gassed youths from the More Drink Coming Party (formerly they More Diesel Coming Party, but everyone knows that's not going to happen) were quick to disassociate themselves from the most equal of all comrades. "We most certainly are not his youths," said one young man, speaking in a muffled voice through several layers of bandages. "His youths wear green or blue uniforms and are easily distinguishable from us because of their well-fed appearance and the heavy armour they carry."
Meanwhile the Zany Party did its best to pretend there was no protest by describing it as "a flop" and claiming it was business as usual.
The claim was made in the face of empty streets and closed doors to shops, banks and supermarkets.
Growing increasingly frantic, the Zany Party threatened to confiscate licenses from businesses, forgetting for the moment that few businesses require licenses. Those that do get them from municipal councils which are almost exclusively dominated in cities by the More Drink Coming Party, which said it had no plans to remove licenses from anyone just yet.
But one troubled businessman told Over The Top that although he did not need a license, he was worried because he'd heard "from a reliable source" that the Zany Party intended to confiscate all businesses-especially white-owned businesses-almost immediately after the mass action ended.
OTT tried to reassure him by explaining that even if the Zany Party did attempt such a mad move, the confiscation of his business was likely to be a temporary one because the Zany Party was frankly bankrupt of everything, including time.
Sadly the troubled businessman wasn't satisfied with this explanation and said he was considering emigrating to somewhere more stable, like the DRC, Angola, Bosnia or Chechnya.
While the week of terror and mayhem, fear and loathing left the troubled central African country bewildered and licking its wounds, the 60 odd percent of its people who live in urban areas asked what comes next?
While they said they were firm in their support of the More Drink Coming Party, they rather hoped the More Drink Coming Party might be a little more organised next time it organised a final push. They said there simply isn't room in the city's hospitals to accommodate all the victims of too many more final pushes.
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