© 2003 Woolaroc Ranch, Museum & Wildlife Preserve
"Don't bother me, I'm living happily ever after."
Posted on 06/12/2003 8:49:50 AM PDT by Valin
The diseases of the month are at least getting snappier names. Monkeypox sounds like the name of the group that will go on third at the Turf Club on Friday night, right after Dump Your Girlfriend and Thigh Bone.
A new preoccupation with communicable diseases is part serious, I realize, but also part symptomatic of a culture that is afraid of its own shadow. It all started with shark attacks, which were easily avoided by staying out of the ocean. That didn't seem to occur to either Fox or CNN, which went through a shark-bite news-bulletin phase a few summers back even though they were telecasting to a majority of viewers who weren't anywhere near a beach and were, in fact, landlocked.
Monkeypox replaces SARS. SARS either is or isn't under control depending on the news load of the day. The other day it was under control, but then there were two more confirmed cases in Toronto, reported in a story that also featured a photograph of a doctor in Toronto who was smoking a cigarette through his sanding mask. I don't know what message that picture intended to send. Either SARS is such a nonfactor that the doc had the time to go out on break and smoke a heater through his mask, or the disease is so overwhelming that you might as well light up because you are going to die anyway from SARS. In that case, I would think the guy might enjoy his last smoke without the mask.
We have learned that you take precautions against SARS the way you take precautions against other illnesses. Wash your hands. Be aware of your surroundings. And cancel your next trip to China. So far those rules have kept about 99.99999 percent of all humans SARS-free.
It is interesting to note that when real news strikes — the attacks on New York on Sept. 11, 2001 — all other so-called news disappears, no more shark attacks, no more disease updates and no more bisexual movie actresses who report having had high tea with extraterrestrials.
We are definitely back in a non-news phase, with monkeypox being the latest example. Yes, it is true that health and agriculture officials in Illinois and Wisconsin need to find all the infected prairie dogs that harbor the disease. And yes, it is true that monkeypox has never before been seen in the United States. It is common to parts of Africa, where it is particularly lethal to monkeys. It is believed that the disease got to our shores in an imported Gambian rat — another African creature — that was featured for sale at Phil's Pocket Pets near Chicago. The rat infected some prairie dogs also sold by Phil's Pocket Pets.
The prairie dogs went to customers in Wisconsin, Illinois and Indiana. And because Phil's Pocket Pets apparently kept records of its customers, it seems reasonable to expect that health and agriculture officials will be able to find those prairie dogs and take care of the situation. In the meantime, people are getting monkeypox, but thankfully surviving after experiencing smallpox-like symptoms.
As for precautions, I guess you stay away from Gambian rats and prairie dogs.
I can do that.
Normally I am your go-to-guy here at the Pioneer Press for a limited-government view of life. But I wouldn't complain a bit nor think of it as an intrusion on my personal freedoms if the government passes a law banning the importation of rats, Gambian or otherwise.
It can't be made clear enough that we have enough of our own animals that cause enough problems. You will all join me, for example, in my campaign against deer, the first or next time you hit one in the middle of your residential block.
Joe Soucheray can be reached at
jsoucheray@pioneerpress.com.
Monkeypox sounds like the name of the group that will go on third at the Turf Club on Friday night, right after Dump Your Girlfriend and Thigh Bone.
© 2003 Woolaroc Ranch, Museum & Wildlife Preserve
(1) Don't hang out in swamps.
(2) Don't let strangers touch your sex organs.
(3) Don't kiss furry animals on the lips.
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