[SoDak]

Possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages

I broke this one the first night after freshman orientation.

[MalcolmS]

>>>Possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages<<<

Dear Jesus bar Joseph

After reviewing the following written account of your behaviour (c.f. Luke Chapter 22)

13 And they went, and found as he had said unto them: and they made ready the passover.
14 And when the hour was come, he sat down, and the twelve apostles with him.
15 And he said unto them, With desire I have desired to eat this passover with you before I suffer:
16 For I say unto you, I will not any more eat thereof, until it be fulfilled in the kingdom of God.
17 And he took the cup, and gave thanks, and said, Take this, and divide it among yourselves:

We therefore must assess the following penalties for the posession of alcoholic beverages:

30 Reprimands + $150 Fine + 30 hours community service



Furthermore, it has come to our attention that this is not your first offense, to wit,

John 2
1 And the third day there was a marriage in Cana of Galilee; and the mother of Jesus was there:
2 And both Jesus was called, and his disciples, to the marriage.
3 And when they wanted wine, the mother of Jesus saith unto him, They have no wine.
4 Jesus saith unto her, Woman, what have I to do with thee? mine hour is not yet come.
5 His mother saith unto the servants, Whatsoever he saith unto you, do it.
6 And there were set there six waterpots of stone, after the manner of the purifying of the Jews, containing two or three firkins apiece.
7 Jesus saith unto them, Fill the waterpots with water. And they filled them up to the brim.
8 And he saith unto them, Draw out now, and bear unto the governor of the feast. And they bare it.
9 When the ruler of the feast had tasted the water that was made wine, and knew not whence it was: (but the servants which drew the water knew;) the governor of the feast called the bridegroom,

Based on this second offense of the posession of alcoholic beverages, we must impose further penalties of

30 Reprimands + $150 Fine + 30 hours community service


Any further action on your part will result in your administrative withdrawl. We trust that you will take this matter seriously.

Sincerely

Dean
Liberty University


Dear Jesus bar Joseph

It has come to our attention that during the performance of your mandatory community service, you have once again violated the rules of our institution. Your reckless words and actions nearly resulted in the death by drowing of one Peter (c.f. Matthew 14).

28 And Peter answered him and said, Lord, if it be thou, bid me come unto thee on the water.
29 And he said, Come. And when Peter was come down out of the ship, he walked on the water, to go to Jesus.
30 But when he saw the wind boisterous, he was afraid; and beginning to sink, he cried, saying, Lord, save me.

We regret that you are unable to abide by the high standards of our institution, and hereby advise that you are no longer welcome here.

Sincerely

Dean
Liberty University



Dear Dean

Please consider the following.

Matthew 23:13
But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye shut up the kingdom of heaven against men: for ye neither go in yourselves, neither suffer ye them that are entering to go in.


Matthew 23:15
Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye compass sea and land to make one proselyte, and when he is made, ye make him twofold more the child of hell than yourselves.

Matthew 23:23
Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye pay tithe of mint and anise and cummin, and have omitted the weightier matters of the law, judgment, mercy, and faith: these ought ye to have done, and not to leave the other undone.

[NEWwoman]

Possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages

I broke this one the first night after freshman orientation.

Hey, Jesus' first miracle was to turn water into wine. It wasn't to turn wine into water. (I know. They explain it away as the wine was only grape juice.) But it puts you in great company, my friend.

[sitetest]

Dear SoDak,

"'Possession or consumption of alcoholic beverages'

"I broke this one the first night after freshman orientation."

Where I went to school, this wasn't against the rules. In fact, the school paid for the beer and wine at freshman orientation.

But that was a little bit of a time ago.


sitetest