Posted on 07/23/2003 8:31:21 PM PDT by dilpo
Many of you have begun sporting a new bumper sticker that reads "Anyone But Bush." At first I thought this an apt sign of how our president's popularity has plummeted. But then I decided to conduct a poll.
Anyone? Could it be that people would, in fact, prefer anyone instead of Bush to occupy the Oval Office? As it turns out, yes indeed!
Sixty-one percent of those I surveyed would rather see Texas Rangers shortstop Alex Rodriguez as president. "I figure a guy who's making $25 million a year for hitting a baseball would have to be better at managing the economy than Bush," one driver told me just before he had a minor fender bender in a parking lot.
OK, fair enough. But anyone else? Sixty-four percent would rather have SpongeBob Squarepants for president. True, many of these respondents, interviewed in car seats and backseats, are not old enough to vote, but some were quite eloquent. "SpongeBob Squarepants, he'd make a really, really, really great president," one toddler said. "SpongeBob wouldn't be cutting taxes on the rich and fighting wars all over the place, like some presidents I could name," a 27-year-old told me.
The poll continued.
An astonishing 92 percent indicated they would vote for Jesse James ("You knew where you stood with him"), Richard Nixon ("Hey, Nixon was the one") or Mary Tyler Moore ("I always kind of liked her") rather than Bush. The fact that Jesse James has been dead for 121 years did not dampen his popularity when compared to that of our president. It's come to this.
The results of my poll were conclusive. Here are some other "anyones."
George Steinbrenner (87 percent)
The late Roone Arledge (62 percent)
That blond babe on that new show, you know, the one with all the bathing suits and car crashes (97 percent)
My mother-in-law (66 percent) It's clear that many people don't like our president and would prefer anyone else. But what about any-thing? I haven't seen the bumper sticker yet, but I decided to pose the question - and not just to liberals with bumper stickers all over their wimpy little cars.
Sixty-seven percent would rather have a small, unlikable gray rodent as president than Bush. "Even though I didn't vote for him (didn't we all?), I was willing to give President Bush a chance," one man told me. "But now I'm convinced that a small, unlikable gray rodent could do a better job. At least a rodent, no matter how small or unlikable, could balance the budget."
Rodents aside, 88 percent would prefer a box of paper clips as president. The consensus was that it would be "fun" to have a box of paper clips as leader of the free world. Imagine the headlines: "President Box of Paper Clips Signs Prescription Drug Bill"; "President Box of Paper Clips Meets Putin"; "President Box of Paper Clips Visits Elementary School, Becomes Chain of Paper Clips." Way more interesting than the current headlines.
An old pair of boxer shorts (82 percent), some belly-button lint (59 percent), a tattered copy of "Joy of Cooking" (74 percent) - the list of things people prefer to Bush goes on and on. The problem come next year will be choosing.
With a world of candidates, it will be hard to narrow the field. It would be a shame if Bush got, say, 49.1 percent of the vote but still won because Massachusetts gave its electoral votes to a box of paper clips, California voted for a '63 Corvette and New York went to George Steinbrenner. Regardless of how strongly we'd prefer anyone or anything else, we have to decide. Voting for anyone is how we got in this mess.
LOL. For many years, Texas elected a man named Jesse James as treasurer.
No kidding. He sure ain't no Mark Steyn.
To quote my oldest niece when she was 5, "You shouldna oughtta done that." It's on.
Forgive the allcaps, but. . .
DO NOT HIT ABUSE!
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