Posted on 08/01/2003 12:33:12 AM PDT by JohnHuang2
I had a bit of an argument with a caller. The tussle was over whether or not he could or should legitimately call himself the "father" of a 1-year-old child conceived on a drunken, one-night stand, and whom he hasn't seen since she was 2-months old.
But first, let me tell you something about me and my radio program. I have never looked at my radio work as entertainment. In fact, I get very aggravated when some critic dismisses their own negative reaction to my point of view by stating that, "after all, I shouldn't get so worked up, it's only entertainment." I have no "schtick," only a serious desire to help people "do the right thing." Notice that I didn't say, "feel better." It's not a touchy-feely experience. I try to deal in truths and values about life, love, death, responsibilities, character, religion and general, everyday behavior.
I hate when I find myself fighting with someone who calls my radio program for help. I hate it because, from my therapeutic point of view, I'm failing to get by their defenses in order to have them embrace what I believe they need to accept in order to improve their inner (psyche) or outer (relationships) situations. I hate it because I really don't like to fight – probably why I don't accept invitations to debate. I hate it because I don't like sounding "mean."
Nonetheless, sometimes you have to fight to save someone or to save a principle. This particular fight with the caller falls into the "principle" category.
His question to me was, "How can I regain a bonded relationship with my daughter. She is 1-year old and I haven't seen her since she was 2-months old."
I first suggested that he marry the mother. That's when I found out it was a one-night stand.
"And why didn't you use a condom? Weren't you concerned about getting a disease or getting her pregnant?"
"I was drunk."
Now, at this point, I am contemplating the creation of a new human life, dependent and innocent, by a drunken, anonymous act of sexual intercourse – and I'm feeling sad and angry on behalf of the child.
"Well," I tried again, "the next step is to get along with the mother."
That's when I found out that she doesn't want to have much to do with him – even for the sake of her child. I'm feeling sad and angry on behalf of the child – again.
Here's where the fight started. I told him that my dream was that this woman – the mother of this innocent little child – would quickly meet someone wonderful and kind, whom she loved very much and that they would marry and create an intact home with a loving mommy and a daddy. The last part of the dream was that my caller would be totally out of the picture.
Admirably, he objected. "But I'm the daddy," he protested. "No," I countered, "you are the sperm donor. You didn't create a safe nest for this child by deliberately courting and marrying the woman to be your wife and the mother of your children. You are only a sperm donor. And my wish is that she creates what is in the best interest of that child, a committed (married) mom and dad home."
His dream was to have joint physical custody. "What?" I went on, "take this innocent little girl out of her home away from her mother so you can benefit from her? While I admire your interest, it results in hurting a child."
Since when is it in the best interest of children to be in and out of their own home fulfilling the desires of adults who couldn't or wouldn't keep the children's lives intact?
Why do adults not understand that having parents split, living separate lives usually far away, even raising other children both bio- and step-, is damaging and devastating to children who "get to visit"?
The pain I hear from children who feel abandoned – and therefore insignificant – has deeply hurt my heart.
So here was the dilemma: A young man obviously regretful that he created his first child on a drunken, one-night stand, and who wants to do the right thing and be involved with his child hears from Dr. Laura that his child would be better off without his intrusion if the mother created a warm, loving family with some man she actually wanted to marry and who loved this kid up and down.
Imagine how he felt! Imagine how I felt having to say that. Imagine how it will be for that child if the mother is the kind of flake who repeatedly has drunken sexual encounters. Imagine how that child's life will be without that willing father.
He yelled, "It's not my fault."
I yelled back, "Yes, it is. You had anonymous sex and created the situation. You did that – and the child pays the price."
I don't remember if I said my usual, "Thank you for your call." I hate fighting with a caller – but, I hate what adults do to innocent children even more.
No way no how.
I'll answer that question with a question. Are you really that stupid to not follow the logic?
Dr. Laura seeking to shut him down shows that people like her, on the Right, are as much the problem as feminists on the Left.
Certainly this is one of the most sad and pathetic comments I've ever heard.
It's also a hoot.
He also wants to be the King of Spain, I'm sure.
Some liberal judge and left attorney will probably force the poor mother and child to let this cretinous buffon actually spend time with the child.
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