Posted on 09/06/2003 1:36:33 AM PDT by GiovannaNicoletta
"Something's not right here," Britney Spears sang during one of her bump-and-grind numbers at the NFL kickoff party on the national mall on Thursday night.
With the Capitol as a backdrop, Spears turned America's front yard into a celebration of sluttery, complete with scantily clad dancers, crotch-grabbing and the stirring patriotic message: "If you want to party, just grab somebody."
Meanwhile, down in Montgomery, Ala., the monument bearing the Ten Commandments installed by Chief Justice Roy Moore in the state Supreme Court building languished out of view, banished by a federal judge who found their placement obscene. Oh, not obscene in the legal sense, but in the Liberal America sense, where some things (read: acknowledgement of God) just can't be out in public. Why, someone might be offended.
As Britney strutted her stuff in ever more revealing outfits, viewers of the ABC-televised NFL event might have thought they had tuned in to the rituals of a pagan culture. It had all the trimmings: an altar lit by fireworks, a prancing "goddess," temple attendants feigning sexual passion and a screaming crowd. The only thing missing was a sacrificial stone, but that would be getting ahead of things.
Some disgusted viewers might have switched channels. Over on Fox, "Temptation Island" was parading its latest bevy of sex surrogates, who seemed utterly delighted to sate the appetites of voyeuristic channel surfers. How about NBC? There was "Will & Grace" with its arsenal of homosexual double entendres, some of them really filthy. Well, how about CBS, the Tiffany Network? If they tuned in at just the right moment, viewers of "CSI: Crime Scene Investigation" could be treated to the sight of semen-stained sheets and a female investigator eyeing a used condom, lifted for close-up viewing. Back to "Temptation Island," where the barely clad inhabitants were frolicking in a pool. One of the girls exclaimed that when the music started playing, "We went stir-crazy, tribal almost."
It's not "almost" anymore. Pepsi and the NFL sponsored the Mess on the Mall. As good Tribal Americans, we're all supposed to be indulging in the latest tease, or risk being called prudes. To give the event a patriotic tinge, the sponsors reserved 25,000 seats for military personnel and their families. Many of them brought small children, and one could only wonder what the parents were thinking as their daughters gazed up at Britney, wishing they were her.
"You look around – Britney Spears, Pepsi – there's nothing more American than that," said an Air Force sergeant who, according to The Washington Times, "brought his wife and two daughters." To be fair to the sergeant, it is not clear whether he had commented before or after Britney had done her thing.
Following Britney, veteran rockers Aerosmith took the stage, led by the Mick-Jagger-like Steven Tyler, whose most enduring claim to fame is siring his daughter, actress Liv Tyler. Not as smarmy as Mick, Tyler gave his usual androgynous performance, which, after Spears, seemed almost wholesome.
After the show, who should pop up just before the Jets-Redskins game but George W. Bush. The president wished both teams well and praised the NFL, saying "Football reminds us of the values that make us strong."
The president was talking about "teamwork" and other virtues. He seemed blissfully unaware that the NFL has taken on some rather tawdry baggage, from steamy beer ads to ever less modest cheerleaders, caught at strategic angles for maximum exposure.
One American nation is exemplified by Britney Spears writhing in front of the Capitol. The other belongs to Justice Roy Moore and people like him praying in Alabama to restore self-government under God. Football is honored in both Americas, but beyond that, there's a whole lot of disagreement on where this country should go.
At some point, America is going to have to make up its mind.
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