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My wife and I are divorcing after 19 years of marriage...we had sex for the first time 3 days in to our honeymoon. That was the last time for a whole 4 months.
But I stayed because it was the Christian thing to do.....or so my friends told me.

Over the years things got better, we actually averaged 4 times a year in the early years and made it up to and average of 6 times a year towards the end. Her constant complaint that I was only interested in having sex all of the time. I guess starving people who are interested in eating all of the time should try to refocus their hunger in to more productive avenues.

She said no to counseling outside of the church (they never challenged her sin), and the good Christians told me that it was just my lot in life to have a frigid wife. Jesus would want me to stay. So I did.

Not having sex was one thing, but no emotional connection, no touching, no form of intimacy whatsoever is quite another.

Years later, I met a wonderful woman whom I love with all of my heart and she means the world to me. She showed me what it meant to be loved and she treats me more like a wife than my wife ever has. Yet, the good Christians say that this happiness is not meant for me.....of course they all have sex on a regular basis. When they reach for the hand of their spouse, it is not withdrawn. When they touch, they are not met with rejection....so it is very easy to say what Jesus would want me to do when they don't have to go through it.

But it has always struck me as odd that the church is so dogmatic when it comes to men, making sure we don't cheat, but the verses that applied to my wife withholding herself seemed to be skipped over. No one went to my wife and told her what Jesus expected. They just looked the other way.

My leaving was a complete shock to her as well....to my former church as well....

So now, I am divorcing.....against the wishes of friends, the church and Jesus. I would challenge any man to go where I went and to suffer how I suffered and to have stayed for 19 years.....I would guess that there would not be many takers.....only a church full of condemnation and the withdrawal of grace. No Matthew 18 for her....but a whole plate full for me.

I would venture to say that this woman was as out of touch as my wife was. Wrapped up in her own selfishness, unable to recognize any need other than her own. I feel for this man....I am sure he will find happiness...but if not...at least relief. Maybe instead of the church putting the man through Matthew 18, it should have been his wife!

Your wife sounds like one sick cookie. Your former church sounds clueless.

Best wishes for a happier life from this point forward.

But it has always struck me as odd that the church is so dogmatic when it comes to men, making sure we don't cheat, but the verses that applied to my wife withholding herself seemed to be skipped over. No one went to my wife and told her what Jesus expected. They just looked the other way.

While there is always more to narratives such as this than meets the eye, I couldn't agree more with the basic premise. Withholding oneself from her/his lawfully wedded spouse is an egregious act that is the flip-side of adultery - an equal form of infidelity. Two wrongs never make a right but you are certainly correct in your assertion that while adulterous actions get all the attention, it seems that the actions that lead up to causing the adulterous actions get off the hook. Such should not be the case and those who preach from the pulpit should be as evenhanded as God's word is on the subject. People often don't like to use the words responsibility and duty when it comes to sex within marriage but in fact if it is a responsibility and duty for a spouse to remain faithful (as scripture clearly shows), it is an equal responsibility and duty for each to make sure that there is more than sufficient sex to make sure the other is not tempted to stray.

While there are two sides to every story, I would point out from your comments that desertion is also a grounds for divorce, and your Christian brethern should be at least willing to explore whether your wife abandoned the marriage relationship by her acts.