Pentecostal Man’s Glossolalia Echos NBA Rosters
MURFREESBORO, TN – When new believer Gentry Tate attended Murfreesboro Assembly of God’s Friday Night Signs and Wonders meeting, he wasn’t expecting to make use of his acute knowledge of professional basketball. However, when traveling preacher Morgan Sheppard gave the altar call for those who wanted to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit, Tate turned to the NBA for guidance. “He laid hands on me, and I didn’t want to let him down, so I spouted the weirdest gibberish I could come up with: ‘Kirelenko, Mutombo, Potapenko, you name it’. I guess it worked - everyone around me praised Jesus.”
The 21 year old native of Murfreesboro was led to Christ by best friend Cole Smith earlier this year. “Cole said I needed to get baptized and filled with the Holy Ghost, so he dunked me down at Buffalo Creek. I didn’t talk in tongues, so I guess it didn’t take. He suggested I see an anointed preacher like Reverend Sheppard. On the way over, Cole kinda prepped me for the infilling. He said I just needed to do some baby talk and the Holy Ghost would take over from there. Boy am I glad I was watching the Spurs-Jazz game before I went.”
“His prayer language is beautiful,” said long time Assembly attender June Dunton. “When he rattled off that string of ‘Stojakovic Ilgauskis Pau Gasol,’ I was just mesmerized. I never heard anything like it before.” For his part, Tate simply didn’t want to embarrass Reverend Sheppard. “Everybody he slapped on the forehead did a tongue, but I was at a loss for words. Until I remembered Tim Duncan’s slam dunk. Then I went for it with a, ‘Hallelujah Manu Ginobili.’ I heard everybody around me saying ‘yes Lord,’ so I figured I had the Holy Ghost. Then I let loose with a ‘Hallelujah Manu Ginobili Hedo Turkoglu,’ and it was on. Everybody started jumping up and down. I thought ‘Oh yeah? Take this...’ and I fired off a ‘Hallelujah Manu Ginobili Hedo Turkoglu Slava Medvedenko! MEDvedenko! Whoooaaa MedveDENKO!’ It felt like a tongues triple-double.”
Though Tate’s tongues were received by all, the interpretation was difficult to decipher. “I really couldn’t get a read on it,” said Duncan Thiel, 47. “So we called in Brother Metcalf.”
Burl Metcalf, 101, was a toddler during the Azusa Street revival in the early 20th century, and is Murfreesboro Assembly’s chief tongues expert. “Try as I could, all I could come up with was ‘3 ball from downtown!’, and ‘Who’s your Daddy now, sucka!’ I suppose it means the Trinity in the New Jerusalem is still our heavenly Father, or something. I’ve been interpreting tongues for 90 years, and ain’t never heard nothin’ like this; even when the fakers come along and pull that ‘she-rode-a-Honda’ chicanery to try and trick me and the Holy Ghost.”
Months after his infilling, Tate is still fired up in the Spirit. “Oh yeah, I break off a tongue or two everyday. Who knew a prayer language could be so easy to learn? But I’m still growing in the gift. I can’t wait ‘til the NBA draft next year.”
That's hysterical. Who knew things were so colorful in Murfreesboro?