There are always two ways to look at everything, I guess.
A man and his wife are dining at a table in a plush restaurant, and the husband keeps staring at a drunken lady swigging her drink as she sits alone at a nearby table.
The wife asks, "Do you know her?"
"Yes," sighs the husband, "She's my ex-girlfriend. I understand she took to drinking right after we split up seven years ago, and I hear she hasn't been sober since."
"My God!" says the wife, "Who would think a person could go on celebrating that long."
In order to save his marriage, a brilliant Bears fan married to a slow-witted Colts fan agrees to undergo experimental brain surgery to lower his IQ so that he too can root for the Colts. After the procedure, as he's being wheeled into recovery, the surgeon goes up to the man's wife. "I have awful news," he says. "We accidentally removed too much brain tissue, and the outlook for your husband is grim."
"Oh no, Doctor," says the wife, "what will that mean for him?!?"
Then, to her horror, she hears her husband weakly moaning: "Let's... go... Lions..."
A man took his wife to the rodeo and one of the first exhibits they stopped at was the breeding bulls. They went up to the first pen and there was a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 50 times last year." The wife
playfully nudged her husband in the ribs and said, "He mated 50 times last year."
They walked to the second pen which had a sign attached that said, "This bull mated 120 times last year." The wife gave her husband a healthy jab and said, "That's more than twice a week! You could learn a lot from him."
They walked to the third pen and it had a sign attached that said, in capital letters, "This bull mated 365 times last year." The wife, so excited that her elbow nearly broke her husband's ribs, said, "That's once a day. You could REALLY learn something from this one."
The husband looked at her and said, "Go over and ask him if it was with the same cow."
NOTE: The husband's condition has been upgraded from critical to stable and he should eventually make a full recovery.