One morning a man came into the church on crutches. He stopped in front of the holy water, put some on both legs, and then threw away his crutches.An altar boy witnessed the scene and then ran into the rectory to tell the priest what he’d just seen.
“Son, you’ve just witnessed a miracle!” the priest said. “Tell me where is this man now?”
“Flat on his fanny over by the holy water!” the boy informed him.
You’d like this one:
Why do Presbyterians smile when there’s lightning? Because they think God’s taking their picture for his needle-point photo album!
I was raised Methodist; now I’m Presbyterian. Why the shift? I guess it was predestined. .
Three fellows have just died and are at the pearly gates. St. Peter tells them that they can enter if they can answer one simple question: “What is Easter?”
The Jewish man replies, “Oh, that’s easy, it’s the holiday in November when everyone gets together, eats turkey, and is thankful...”
“WRONG,” replies St. Peter, and proceeds to ask the second man the same question, “What is Easter?”
The Methodist replies, “Easter is the holiday in December when we put up a nice tree, exchange presents, and celebrate the birth of Jesus.”
St. Peter looks at the second man, shakes his head in disgust, looks at the Presbyterian and asks, “What is Easter?”
“I know what Easter is. Easter is the Christian holiday that coincides with the Jewish celebration of Passover. Three days later - Easter - Jesus comes out of the tomb...and if he sees his shadow there will be 6 more weeks of winter.”