The Great Divide Over the Unity Candle

Adam's Ale ^ | October 8, 2007 | Father V

[Diago]

Consider what happens at a Catholic wedding ceremony.

1. In the introductory rite the priest explains that a man and woman are about to exchange vows before God and this congregation.
2. Then the couple must answer questions publicly that they understand and desire Catholic-wedding vows.
3. Then they actually exchange vows.
4. Then the priest announces that they have exchanged the vows.
5. If people still don’t get it, they exchange rings.
6. If people still don’t get it, they kiss each other.
7. If people still don’t get it, at the end the priest says, “I now present Mr. and Mrs. Snodgrass.”

For some reason some people fear that it may not yet be clear to the congregation what exactly has happened so the bride takes a candle, "This represents me," and the groom takes a candle "And this represents me," and then they light a whopping big and expensive candle, "And this is us together after we mortgage the house and eat a lot of pasta." Then they blow out their individual candles to show that their individual self is now obliterated.

A little redundant.

There are also some symbolically theological problems. At mass the light of the candle is always Christ, not individuals. At baptism a candle is lit from the Paschal Candle (the Christ candle) and handed to the person who was baptized (or his family) and told, “Receive the Light of Christ.” At the Easter Vigil when the fire and the Paschal candle is blessed the people receive the Light of Christ, “a flame divided but undimmed.” The flame never represents an individual person. Thus the unity candle (a phenominon accuring only in the last 30 years or so) in the context of a Church service is not only redundant, it works against the symbolism of the rite.

I used to tell couples that the unity candle was a Protestant ceremony that made its way into the Catholic Church. Then I found out that the Protestant churches in town were saying that it was a Catholic ceremony that made its way into the Protestant Church. We agreed to say that it was a Hallmark ceremony that made its way into a religious setting. “Experts” seem equally divided spreading the blame among Catholics, Protestants, candle manufacturers, and revitalized ancient Pagan rites.

That is not to say that in a proper context that it might seems a nice thing to do. For example, it could be really cool thing to do at the reception; a nice ceremony in which all the in-laws could participate showing the uniting of families (a far better tradition than the stripping of the garter from the new wife’s leg and throwing it to a bunch of hungry bachelors).

I find the vast majority of Catholic brides who hear this immediately say, “Of course we won’t do this at the mass!” But it isn’t just weddings, we should always be on guard to improving or adding to the mass. It is not “mine” to customize, it is “ours” to be fed by. It belongs to the Church as a public ceremony, which is exactly what all masses and weddings are, and anybody in attendance has the right to celebrate the mass as the Church intends.

Pope Benedict has said that we must guard against, "the almost theatrical entrance of different players into the liturgy, which is so common today . . . if the liturgy degenerates into general activity, then we have radically misunderstodd the 'theo-drama' of the liturgy and lapsed almost into parady."

Besides who really needs to store yet something else on their closet shelf?

Posted by Fr. V

[Diago]

It is truly a miracle that this fine young priest hails from the Cleveland Diocese.

Thank you Lord!

[mtbopfuyn]

Frankly, I can’t stand couples smashing cake in each other’s face. Where did that ridiculous display of rudeness come from?

[Tax-chick]

Where did that ridiculous display of rudeness come from?

Beats me. None of that at my wedding.

[Lee N. Field]

“Experts” seem equally divided spreading the blame among Catholics, Protestants, candle manufacturers, and revitalized ancient Pagan rites.

Candlemongers, would be my guess. My first daughter got married a month ago (a fun time was had by all, I recommend it). She complained about the expense (gouge) of the big candle.

[neb52]

My Roommate and his girlfriend attended a friends Catholic Wedding this weekend. The impression that I got from them was the whole event was a joke and a sham. Evidently the priest presiding was borderline senile and the Bride and Groom were not even Catholic. But the Groom’s Mother insisted on the wedding being Catholic. The irony being that the Groom was born out of a one night stand and his Mother and Step Father are not even married, but consider themselves Catholics in good standing. The priest only got the Bride and Groom’s name right once and asked that the audience actively participate. Which consisted of asking the audience to blurt out words that would describe marriage, but the priest evidently was not able to hear or understand what was being said. That went on pretty long before he moved on. The priest did speak about marriage and the bad state the institution is in these days. This evidently pissed off the Groom’s Mother who chewed the priest out at the end. After the newly weds proceeded out and once pass the wooden entry doors, the Bride could be heard from anywhere in the church “Oh my God! What was that crap all about!”.

I really don’t want to pass judgment, since I wasn’t there. But from those that attended , who were not Catholic or religious for that matter, came away having their opinions harden that those “Jesus Freaks” are really nuts and this Catholic thing is worse then the church I grew up attending. Considerable irreparable damage has been done to the Church’s standing, because of a priest that sounds like he needs to retire and “Catholic” family that needs to find out what it really means to be a Catholic.

[xzins]

The priest is wrong.

The Unity Candle is initially lit by the mothers of the two families.

The two candles represent families. The central candle represents a newly formed family and it’s independence. The two other candles can either be left lit or blown out, depending on the inclination of the participants.

Now....of course....this is all ritual, and it is not found in the bible anyplace. Jesus testifies to the validity of marriage by His attending a wedding in Cana. In answering about marriage, he says that a man shall leave his father and mother and be united to his wife (singular.)

I don’t think there’s a single wedding ceremony depicted anyplace in any scripture. Therefore, the symbology is fluid. (Mind you, I’m a protestant pastor and not a RCatholic.)

[OpusatFR]

“Evidently the priest presiding was borderline senile and the Bride and Groom were not even Catholic. But the Groom’s Mother insisted on the wedding being Catholic.”

Really? No pre-Cana for weeks and weeks? No RICA for a year?

I have never heard of a Catholic priest marrying a non-Catholic couple because some mother insisted.

I’m Catholic but married outside the church. When I wanted to remarry in the Church, I had to go through a year of Christian formation and then as a couple we were counseled as to the Christ-centered Christian marriage.

Must have been some story you heard.

[neb52]

“Really? No pre-Cana for weeks and weeks? No RICA for a year?”

Evidently not. I don’t know the couple (I know the brother of the Bride) and my friends wouldn’t have knoen or understood what pre-Cana is. It just from what they said is that the couple went through it to make the Mother happy. If the sister is anything like the brother, then I doubt they are free of mortal sin. I wish I could of been then just know if it was all true or not.

[GCC Catholic]

The Unity Candle is initially lit by the mothers of the two families.

I couldn't put my finger on what seemed wrong in the article. That's it.

I don’t think there’s a single wedding ceremony depicted anyplace in any scripture. Therefore, the symbology is fluid.

I think you're right about the Bible being silent on a particular form. That said, for Catholics (Latin Rite or otherwise), the Unity Candle isn't part of the rite, and isn't something that should be added because it makes people feel good. That said, I agree with the author that having one at the reception would be fine (because that isn't part of the rite).

[tiki]

I went to a wedding where the bride smashed the groom in the face so hard that his head bounced off the wall. It became the defining moment of their wedding and their marriage.

[xzins]

If you all don’t have the side candles lit by the mothers of the respective families, then you wouldn’t have the same symbology as do we.

And, again, the bible does not depict a marriage ceremony liturgy anyplace that I know of.

[tiki]

I don’t know, it isn’t like the pope or the bishop have their thumbs on every priest’s head and I’ve seen some priests do some unorthodox things. It still doesn’t make it right or the accepted norm.

There was a senile priest in my parish and he did a lot of these things to appease people. His motives were pure if wrong and I’ve never met a kinder or more loving person who showed it in every action. His Masses were a trial to endure sometimes.

It sounds to me that there was very little class present at the wedding.

I’ve seen a lot of people like this couple living together. A priest cannot know the private lives of everyone in the parish and when someone presents themselves at the Eucharist unworthily they bring condemnation upon themselves, not the priest.

I agree the participants should know their religion and follow it better and if they didn’t go through Pre-Cana and quite a few other things, they should have never been married in the Church but what’s done is done and may they be blessed and live happily ever after.

[VidMihi]

The candle and flame never represent an individual person ???? Well , I seem to remember vigil candles which were in the back of church in racks, which were lit(after a suitable donation) to represent the individual who could not stay. If those candles represented Christ why were there so many?
I see nothing wrong with cultural expressions included in the wedding ceremony. Eg. the exchange of coins in Hispanic culture. So we now have an American custom of the unity candle. So if the couple want it, and it does not distract from the meaning of the ritual, let them have it. After all it is THEIR wedding.

[Hoodlum91]

I was at a ceremony where the unity candle went out just after it was lit. I was a date and didn’t know the couple, but I always wondered if it was a sign. Did make for some titters and gossip for the remainder of the ceremony and the reception.

No unity candle for me at my wedding. Never was fond of the new-fangled “tradition”.

[magisterium]

Vigil candles are not connected with any liturgical process. They are a completely separated consideration and their use is irrelevant to the issue at hand.

[iowamark]

I used to tell couples that the unity candle was a Protestant ceremony that made its way into the Catholic Church. Then I found out that the Protestant churches in town were saying that it was a Catholic ceremony that made its way into the Protestant Church. We agreed to say that it was a Hallmark ceremony that made its way into a religious setting.

LOL

[VidMihi]

Granted that the Pascal Candle is symbolic of the Risen Christ and thus symbolically used at Baptisms and Funerals, lets not try to extend this to all use of candles.

If the vigil candle is insufficiently liturgical, what about the SIX candles for a high Mass. Tell us what does the magisterium say these SIX candles represent.

Not all candles need to have the same meaning, thus the unity candle has a meaning of its own

[magisterium]

It is my understanding that the Church always required that the two altar candles and the Paschal candle be made entirely (or at least mostly) of beeswax, because their physical makeup represents the purity of Jesus’ Body, and their light symbolizes His role as the Light of the World, as touched upon in John 1. The altar candles have a secondary function: to provide light to the priest so that he might conduct the Mass. Of necessity, this secondary function means that more than one candle is used. The plural number of the candles, with regard to the symbolism of candles as they relate to Jesus, is simply ignored.

But vigil candles are different. They did not grow out of any aspect of the Mass, rather, their very nature was to be a stand-in for the petitioners who lit them. In this sense, their nature more closely resembles that of incense (which IS used in the Mass, of course), where the rising smoke represents the prayers of all individuals present ascending to Heaven.

[magisterium]

Also, I think it needs to be stated that the unity candle is a very recent innovation, and, as such, its pedigree needs to be established in such a way that it does not trample on the significance of preexisting materials or traditions which may superficially resemble it. The symbolism of candles relating to Christ is beautiful, obvious, and present in the Church from the very beginning. The candle’s use in the liturgy has always been viewed in this distinct context.

The unity candle is used in a liturgical context; it is therefore necessary to make its symbolism clearly distinct from ALL other liturgical uses of candles. That is hard to do under ideal circumstances. Given the state of catechesis these days, and the disinclination of priests to be overly didactic during a wedding, how likely is it that the Church’s overriding concern for the “normal” symbolism will be made clear and distinct? Blurring of distinctions in favor of what is really a fairly trite and potentially embarrassing (how many brides and grooms are so nervous that they can hardly light the thing!?) appendage to the ceremony is not at all necessary. A much better idea would be to have a unity candle ceremony at the reception. Who would object to that? Besides, the couple will have probably calmed-down a bit by then, and can find the wick that much better! ;-)

[ArrogantBustard]

Frankly, I can’t stand couples smashing cake in each other’s face.

I take that as a prime indication of impending divorce.