Posted on 02/17/2008 6:41:01 AM PST by Alex Murphy
SALT LAKE CITY - When nonreligious couples get divorced, typically the court documents signify the end of it. When Mormons divorce, there are typically post-split issues that continue to hound many couples.
The LDS Church preaches family togetherness and eternal marriage, but when one of the unions based on the faith falls apart it often creates challenges that ordinary couples do not face.
For example, LDS couples who divorce are often unsure where they fit in the church because of the split. Mormon teachings advocate unions that last for all of human life -- and into what the church calls "eternity," or the afterlife. If a couple fails to meet the former benchmark, they often feel disenfranchised.
"They don't feel like they have a place in the church anymore... and a lot of them leave the church," said Jennifer James, a therapist who experienced an LDS divorce. "I think we tend to fly in the face of the mantra that families are forever."
James says that the community surrounding a split LDS couple often doesn't know how to react as well.
"The culture treats us as if we really are an embarrassment," she said.
It really doesn't matter to some in the faith that Mormon marriages often fall apart for many of the same reasons nonreligious marriages do. One thing that might separate LDS couples apart, however, is the faith's cultural emphasis on quick courtships and marrying young -- in some cases, too young.
"They really think it's all going to work out some way magically... and of course, it doesn't," James said.
As a therapist, James has written several books on the subject of LDS divorces and actively conducts workshops on the issue. In her experience, she says often times what Mormon couples benefit from is pre-marital counseling and post-breakup support.
Most of the time, James says, there is a need for more understanding when a union that was supposed to last forever comes to a sudden end.
"Everyone makes mistakes and you learn from them and move forward into successful relationships," James said.
What, so only Mormans can have a religious union?
BTTT
1. The author presumes Mormon couples aren't "ordinary." Interesting.
2. How he heck is this somehow unique to Mormons? Other church members who divorce don't face awkward situations within the congregation?
From the article: "The culture treats us as if we really are an embarrassment," she said.
Divorce does create unique problems for Mormons, as marriage, in the Mormon faith, can be sealed for time and eternity, as opposed to "until death do us part". Although I imagine they pale in relation to the normal difficulties and pain involved with divorce.
Elder Oaks, an apostle of the LDS church, recently gave a talk about divorce at the April 2007 General Conference to a world wide audience.
Click here to read it
One thing I saw wrong in the article is the idea of “quick courtships”.
Our youth are tough and advised to take the time and effort necessary to learn about the person they are thinking of spending there lives with.
I read this on another thread, and I thought it fits right in with what is being said here.
I prayed at length too and my Father told me he loved and honoured all those who worshipped him and that they had the eternal life they sought, but the LDS church was where I belonged and where I could find the fullness of the gospel.
So I finally spoke to David and asked to be permitted to go there. He was adamant – he’d taken second place to the Mormons in my life long enough, the “Mormons or our marriage” choice still stood. I spoke to his Bishop (equivalent to a Stake President) asking whether my conversion, if known, could affect his career. Yes, was the reply. I contacted my own LDS Bishop for advice and was told to stick by David, to love him and to pray for him. So I resolved to live the gospel and to study the scriptures alone until such time as my prayers were answered.
http://www.freerepublic.com/focus/f-religion/1971800/posts?page=8#8
Temple Married Mormons have the lowest divorce rate in the Nation. Rather than criticizing it for the 2% that don’t work out (like my sister, who was justified in dumping her hubby) it would be interresting to see an article explaining why it works 98% of the time. Perhaps the 50% divorce rate is the “ordinary” the author referred to.
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