Shall we call your list, Zakeet,
Historical Mormonism 101?
I guess I'd consider adding the following to your fine list below [Zak's list are further down in italics]...my suggested additions are below...perhaps somebody could tally a running list:
That...
...God is Joseph Smith's "right-hand man" [divine handiman are difficult to secure these eons]
...He (Smith) was the only man able to keep a whole church together since the days of Adam [That's funny, I musta missed all those Old Testament stories in Sunday School about "churches"...and poor Jesus Christ, what a Mormon failure..."Nor Jesus ever did it" (keep a church together), says Joe.]
...Smith swaggered that, "I am learned, and know more than all the world put together." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 350) [Good thing the Wizard of Oz had a brother in Palmyra]
...Joseph Smith confessed outright that the spirit entity which appeared to him (Moroni) was a ghost -- to use Joseph's own word a "dead" person "who appeared unto me" (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 119) [we all know those ghosts can be such ghastly creatures]
...in yet another FAQ (the Moroni answer above was to an FAQ interview of Smith, as was this answer:) "...we do not believe in setting the negroes free." (p. 120) [So much for Smith's supposed "gospel of liberty" for blacks]
...that God the Father died ("Jesus what are you going to do? To lay down my life as my Father did, and take it up again." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 346) [Gee, I wonder if God the Father had a funeral on his world]
...the righteous Mormons will dwell in "everlasting burnings" (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, pp. 347, 367) [Now we know who the joke was on]
...he quotes Isaiah chapter after chapter wholesale in the Book of Mormon, then has the gall to call that prophet a liar. ("An angel of God never has wings...This is a lie" Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 162...see Isaiah 6) [I guess that angel in Isaiah had 6 wings too many for Joe]
...he produces 113 and 116-word run-on sentences in Doctrine & Covenants (43:25; 123:7) [Did they have periods in the 1830s, or was that an invention some time in the 1840s?]
...uh, let's-just-make-up-fun-new-words-as-we-go-along: "And let the higher part of the inner court be dedicated unto me for the school of mine apostles, saith Son Ahman; or, in other words Alphus; or, in other words, Omegus; even Jesus Christ your Lord. Amen." (D&C 95:17) [In other words...]
...Oh, & three weeks after ordering the printing press & publication of the Nauvoo Expositor destroyed (something even LDS contemporary leaders have said went too far...they thought it was "OK" for Smith-as-mayor to censor the Expositor, but not to destroy the printing press & the office), Smith was lying to the very end: "P.S....There is no cause of action, for we have not been guilty of any crime; neither is their annny just cause of suspicion against us..." (Teachings of the Prophet Joseph Smith, p. 394)
Here's my list ... A prophet who taught:
That...
...Jesus and Satan are brothers,
...God had incestuous relations with His daughter (Mary),
...Christian pastors are "dimwitted hirelings of Satan
...God is a polygamous celestial stud married to our Heavenly Mother
Of...
...Kolob and of other worlds named Planet Oblish and Planet Enish-go-on-dosh ruled by a governing power through the medium of Kli-flos-is-es, or Hah-ko-kau-beam
...sacred scriptures based on pagan works such as prayers to Egyptian gods for dead spirits – which were supposedly translated using occult devices such as peep stones
...prominent display of Satanic symbols such as pentagrams, baphomets, earth stones, and saturn stones on his churches' religious buildings and literature
...the wearing a fig leaf apron in temple ceremonies to symbolize Satan’s power and priesthoods
...having Lucifer teach Mormon church doctrine in the temple ceremony
...portraying Satan as the god of this world in Mormon rites and ceremonies
...offering prayers to the devil – Oh God, hear the words of my mouth
...praising Satan by chanting Hebrew words in the temple ceremony whose translation is Marvelous Lucifer
...having special grips and clasps to tell ghosts from angels and the devil
...practicing baptism for the dead
...wearing magic underwear to protect from physical harm – with symbols so sacred that they must be cut out and buried and the garment burned when it wears out
That...
...husbands can resurrect their wives from the grave
...the Ten Lost Tribes and the apostle John will be discovered living in cement houses in a tropical land adjacent to the North Pole separated by a high mountain range
...
...he was commanded by god to retranslate the Bible because the existing translations contained errors – eventually devising an Inspired Revision completed in 1833 - which was rejected by his church who still uses the King James Version
...his followers should burdened by a complex series of regulations which determine their progression as gods of their own planets - complete with a harem of goddess wives
...he was greater than Jesus
