Alas. I was told that if I wanted to, I needed to have my first marriage and my wife's first marriage annulled.
Sorry, but both ladies would not agree, no way, no how.
Okay, I understand the sanctity of marriage arguement, but I came in unbaptised, unchurched, etc...
We both had children from our previous marriages, so we didn't want that to be “annulled”.
I was told that it would be okay, that they would not be considered “bastards” but it was a hard sell to talk them into annullments of our collective first marriages, as any Mother would understand. At the end of the day, I had to say “No, Thank You” to the Catholic Church.
So, I guess we both lived in sin and had to rectify that, but it is a bit complicated, no?
Now I am quite content in my non-denominational church that accepts the fact the I came in with sin, but accepts that we all sin.
Sorry, but I do think that we get there when we get there. We can't always turn back the hands of time.
While I will completely understand the Catholic Church's stance on the 7 sacraments, I also realize that we all reach out for the light whenever and wherever we may be.
Not being a “Christian” before, why would I be held to a “Catholic” standard before my arrival to the faith?
If neither you nor your wives were baptised, then none of your weddings were sacramental requiring annulment.
If, on the other hand, the marriages or the wives were Christian, then the Catholic Church requires that you treat the marriage with the respect that the Church teaches Christian marriage is due, even if you did not do so previously.
As to your last sentence, what if the Catholics just said, "No marriage undertaken before Baptism is a real marriage." In such a case your entry would automatically annul any prior marriages. Would that be better?
It's not just "the sanctity of marriage," it's what marriage IS. It is impossible (in our view) to have been truly married to someone still alive AND to be subsequently truly married to someone else (who is alive also.) One wife at a time, one husband at a time, AND he is your husband or she is your wife until death do you part. That is part of the esse of matrimony.
So we COULD say, well, those marriages you had when you were unbaptized weren't really marriages and aren't really binding. But it sounds like you (or the women involved) want to say that those marriages were real marriages and now these are two.
For us, that does not compute.
Alas. I was told that if I wanted to, I needed to have my first marriage and my wife's first marriage annulled.
Sorry, but both ladies would not agree, no way, no how.
Okay, I understand the sanctity of marriage arguement, but I came in unbaptised, unchurched, etc...
We both had children from our previous marriages, so we didn't want that to be “annulled”.
I was told that it would be okay, that they would not be considered “bastards” but it was a hard sell to talk them into annullments of our collective first marriages, as any Mother would understand. At the end of the day, I had to say “No, Thank You” to the Catholic Church.
So, I guess we both lived in sin and had to rectify that, but it is a bit complicated, no?
Now I am quite content in my non-denominational church that accepts the fact the I came in with sin, but accepts that we all sin.
Sorry, but I do think that we get there when we get there. We can't always turn back the hands of time.
While I will completely understand the Catholic Church's stance on the 7 sacraments, I also realize that we all reach out for the light whenever and wherever we may be.
Not being a “Christian” before, why would I be held to a “Catholic” standard before my arrival to the faith?
First, if both you and your former spouse were unbaptized at the beginning of the marriage, you were not married. If one of you were baptized during the marriage, then that one is bound by scripture, not the unbaptized one (for example, if your former spouse was baptized and you were not, she would not be at liberty to leave you, but you wouldn't be bound in any way...as you could not sacramentally be married in the first place. If you were baptized and she wasn't, then she could leave you but you couldn't leave her).
Man, all of those Catholic rules sure are tough to deal with.
'Cept one thing, those Catholic rules were written by a fella named Paul (formerly Saul), this guy from Turkey. You may have heard of him before.
1Cr 7:10 To the married I give charge, not I but the Lord, that the wife should not separate from her husband1Cr 7:11 (but if she does, let her remain single or else be reconciled to her husband)--and that the husband should not divorce his wife.
1Cr 7:12 To the rest I say, not the Lord, that if any brother has a wife who is an unbeliever, and she consents to live with him, he should not divorce her.
1Cr 7:13 If any woman has a husband who is an unbeliever, and he consents to live with her, she should not divorce him.
1Cr 7:14 For the unbelieving husband is consecrated through his wife, and the unbelieving wife is consecrated through her husband. Otherwise, your children would be unclean, but as it is they are holy.
1Cr 7:15 But if the unbelieving partner desires to separate, let it be so; in such a case the brother or sister is not bound. For God has called us to peace.
So if you're at a good, Bible-believing non-denominational church and they accept you, guess what? Either your church compromises on the Scriptures or, in the final analysis, you would have not had an issue in the Catholic Church either.
"But why don't they let the past be the past...can't do anything about it now, can I?"
They actually do it out of concern for your soul, not out of a bunch of bureaucracy (and this is something that is not often explained at all or explained well).
If you are a baptized Christian and in a second marriage, you are an adulterer. That's not my judgment on you, either (I don't care one way or the other), that's Scripture's judgment on you. Whether your current church teaches that or not, it is what it is.
If you are received into the Church, you will presumably want to receive the Body and Blood of Christ in communion. If you do so, while in a state of mortal sin (which, per scripture, you are), you have just received the Body and Blood sacrilegiously. That is not good for the state of one's soul, to put it mildly (In fact, St. Paul says Whoever, therefore, eats the bread or drinks the cup of the Lord in an unworthy manner will be guilty of profaning the body and blood of the Lord (1 Cor 11:27))
So you go to confession. But you leave that one out. Well, if you don't ask for forgiveness, God isn't going to grant forgiveness, and, in fact, you're really no better than Adam and Eve hiding from the Lord after they ate the fruit, are you?
Of course, you could live as brother and sister with your current wife, but how many people actually would do that? (If you did have a previous, valid marriage and then both you and your wife promised to do so [live as brother and sister], I bet that would be accepted, btw).
But the problem is that if you are received into the Church with a more-or-less permanent state of mortal sin on your soul already, you are assured of a life of either not being in full communion with the Church or living a lie, which eventually leads to having a reprobate heart (and you can do your own word search on reprobate if you want to see where that leads you).
So them wanting to help you clear up the marriage issue and even not allowing you to be received into the Church is, in fact, a grace -- even though I know it really doesn't feel like it when you're on the receiving end.
Bottom line: it's not a "Catholic" standard so much as a standard established by #1, Christ, and #2, St. Paul, which is validated in the Scriptures (as well as in the teachings of the Church).
There are so many details with an annulment.
Did either of the wives really want to be married?
Did the really want to have children?
If your answer to either of those questions is “NO”, then you have a very simple “lack of form” annulment.
Then it gets more complicated from there.
Did you have church weddings or were you married by a Justice of the Peace or a mayor, etc. Those civil marriages are not recognized by the church and are also easy annulments.
Like I said, there are so many ins and outs on this subject. If you still desire to be a Catholic I suggest you find a Catholic priest who is knowledgeable in this area; he will help you walk through the process.