Letter to Adonai (with Testimony)

International Catholic Evangelistic Association (ICEA): Letter to Adonai (with Testimony) ^ | 20 July 2009 | Aaron 'Jamie Marian' Harrison

[Athenon]

Dearest, Beloved, and Everlasting God;

It the past, it has been wonderfully nice to talk to you on my knees in prayer and it has always been a divine blessing to talk to you about the values of life and the fullness of family; my Beloved God Almighty, it has always seemed like you have had such great wisdom and optimism to give throughout the very fibre of my being!

I know that it has been years since I actually set down and wrote you a letter through prayer from the heart; yet, I have at times been afraid to talk to you about certain things. I know that me coming full circle with life and the very basis of authenticity is going to be hard, but it is the truth.

For most of my life, I have hidden in the darkness about what I need to do and where I need to go. Over the years, it seems like you have been a constant foundation of what needs to be and the gateway to what can be done. You are a wonderful God and I pray that our relationship will continue to grow from the seed that you had planted inside the depths of my being so long ago! For years, I had looked to you for life and the very pursuit of authentic truth!

Dearest, Beloved, and Everlasting God; you have provided a fruitful example and I am trying to learn from that legacy through Jesus Christ. So many have tried to blame you for problems in their lives, yet for me, you have been a beacon of hope, a reason for faith, and the direction for life.

For so many years, I ran from what I knew I needed to do and I listened to those around me about what I had to do. It was a false lie and it brought me to my knees so many times. I tried to reason with myself about what I needed to do; yet, it was utterly pretend. I tried to make certain family members, church officials, and friends happy … such a travesty.

I tried hiding behind the church, family, and those I thought were the right people. Yet, for years and years I had fallen and created a false wonderland of hope and progression.

In the course of my history (in light of my human and spiritual nature as a whole), tyrants have arisen from time to time who have oppressed and threatened the balance of truth within me; which in turn has denied me a solidification of prosperity, peace, truth, and justice through your majesty. Such is adjudged to be the case, so ever recently, and consequently great and terrifying forces with sophisticated and fearsome armaments have been engaged in battle against me.

I have come face to face with the problem of human fault and the evil correlation that springs from it. The evil seems to wear two distinct masks: it has appeared in the external form of terroristic blatancy, and secondly in the internal form of intolerance, oppression, and subjugation; all guided by the dark hands of the devil and his demonic hosts.

Now, the time has come that I stand and take instruction from past wars on myself and others; it has come the time that I have confronted the questions of opposition to truth, the opposition to your majesty, and the opposition to your salvation!

The lines have been drawn and the world of falls suddenly into two distinctive camps: the ‘Progressive Institutes of Liberty for Divine Faith’, and the ‘Fascist Conglomeration of Powers within Darkness’ (which seem capable of every sort of inhumanity).

Dearest, Beloved, and Everlasting God; I have come to a turning point in the war on divine progression – for this has become a critical moment of decision and it is not easy. Will I persevere or run? Do I really think I will have lasting peace if I sideline the true content of my war on my liberation and those with similar distinction? How authentic will I be if I fail to persevere at this critical time?

If there is to be a time of true peace within my life and those around me, then now must be a time for war against falseness and inhumanity – an engulfing war that is a last resort for a time of lasting peace, prosperity, and unity through the very encompassment of your love.

Physical, spiritual, emotional, and psychological catastrophic wars and other violence, injustices, deceptions, and corruptions will continue, until the full throngs of true inclusive resolve is set into motion and is played out within my life and those around me. Restrictive forces (the vast forces of all that is negative and contrary to human resolve) are making last ditch efforts to control me and the most vulnerable and uniquely different people around me, as well as attacking those with the true embodiment of righteousness. From the fires of evil, however, I see the light of hope; and through you, Mighty God, it is showing the way to peace. All have their human flaws; but at the striking moment, when the time has come for war and resolve, I have faced the challenges by appealing to hope and optimism of your truth.

So as I must say thus far, in the long term, there are plenty of grounds for hope. Life for most of my history has been consumed by the onslaught of tyrannical evil; for the time has come that I break the onslaught once again by the blessings of your glorious hands! The evil has arrived full force and I must stand without wavering, I must wear your victorious armour, and I must cry the battle cry of heavenly resolve. I have a duty to uphold my true convictions in light of your word, defend the sacred grounds of my life in the faith of your authenticity, and I am fighting for the fullness of ‘Truth, Prosperity, Peace, and Justice’, of your glorious rein upon the darkened hearts of humanity.

I am writing you and praying these very words now, to ‘RECLAIM’ my faults and find a path of mercy and reconciliation. I understand for many who are in and around my life, it is going to be very hard to move beyond the lies and deceit from the past; yet, I am striving to have a ‘renewed’ and ‘flourishing’ connection once again; through the mercy, passion, and resolve of your authentic love - my Dearest, Beloved, and Everlasting God!

I therefore acknowledge the lies that quickly eroded and destroyed the foundations upon which my relationships with those around me were. I tried to pose myself ‘above’ pain, hurt, and authentic identity. I tried to create a ‘place of escape’; yet, such choices made a damaging effect on family, community, me, and most of all ... you. I can see these effects and I know it is going to be a long time before a formidable resolve is made; yet, I know that the foundation of forgiving peace and the road to victory has been laid forth. I am the prodigal who has made a fight to come back home! Learning to tell the truth of who I am, to what I belong, and to what I stand for, has been the cornerstone to my coming to terms in your reality of truth.

I am reaching out for reconciliation and I would like to open a dialogue to rebuild trust and interaction. I have put my full force into the cause, and plan to not waiver. I have hurt people and I am reaching out to seek forgiveness. I ‘CONTINUOUSLY’ RECANT MY SINFUL BEHAVIOURS. My humanity has plagued the fabric of authenticity, and now it has come the time to break such bondage and live in the ‘Victory of Life’ through you, my Dearest, Beloved, and Everlasting God.

One of the most difficult things for me to admit, was my ‘deception of the truth’! It was through the inquisition of authentic faith that my true motives were exposed. At the time of my failure, I was determined to press forward my ill-reverent and ill-progressive vision through false accusations and deception; for the core of my workings were based on the principles of individual selfishness, greed, and envy. Whether I wanted to admit such faults or not, the very basis of my being in deceptive principles, was the very cause of my problems. I had created an ‘unnecessary’ conflict, frugal arguments, unethical hatred, and horrendous selfishness. The only way I was able to suffice my self-hatred was to gain pleasure in the deception of others; for I wanted to trick and subvert truth and the very precession of unity around me.

I had created prejudices against authenticity and truth. At the time, I looked at selfishness as progression, rather than looking to unite for a greater cause in faith and principle. I had created a ‘mask of deception’. I tried to overthrow the goodness and progression you provided in your creation, for I was not sure of myself; therefore, I pushed myself further in manipulation for evil gain. Until now, I never really addressed any issue of authenticity, truthfully; I guess I was afraid to hear your truth and practice it. Some of the Christian faithful tried to show me what genuine truth, loyalty, honesty, and collective faithfulness was; yet, I had ignored such offers and instead tried to pollute such goodness. That now has turned 180!

It was not easy for me to admit I needed real change. The question that continually pounded inside of me was this: ‘How much more unnecessary suffering must go on until I admit the truth and live for your victorious passion and deliverance?’ I had to revoke and discard the ‘institute of deception’ that had enveloped the very depth of my being.

Out of such illumination of truth and authenticity in your love, I have finally penned a ‘real and ever-present’ testimony of deliverance. I wholeheartedly want to be ‘REAL’; I want to be ‘AUTHENTIC’!

Dearest, Beloved, and Everlasting God; because you have been the very driving force in my life, I feel that it is time that I share the ‘REAL’ testament in my life to the world. Please open my heart and open the hearts and eyes of those who have decided to embrace this testimony; give them the strength and understanding, that this ‘IS’ me in light of ‘YOUR’ truth.

Thank-you, my Dearest, Beloved, and Everlasting God!

Amen and Amen.

* * * * * * *

A Voice of Truth, an Outreach of Authenticity

Having rejected and punished myself for being sexually challenged, I finally understand that the core of my addiction was denial. Because I perceived myself as lesser than those who had taunted and emotionally beat me, I had been crushed beneath the chains of my own guilt and unable to accept not only my sexual challenges, but also my Christian progression. Furthermore, I continually rejected those who ‘loved’ me and wanted to see the best for me.

My understanding of human sexuality has been full of emotions ... I was living life as a juggler, juggling the ‘Ultra-Humanistic Life’ through sexual perversion and still trying to live a ‘Life of Faith’. I realize now that I had spent my life as a juggler of morals, ethics, and authentic truth. Ultimately, I was fearful of involvement or commitment to the Church, Family, and most of all ... God!

I had prayed many times about my sexual challenges and wild emotions; yet, years of unanswered prayers had left me feeling rejected by God and all alone. Why would God allow me to suffer such anguish and failure?

When I was about to become hopeless, the presence of God quieted my inner-passionate fire and He said:

“You shall know the truth, and the truth will set you free.” ~ John 8:31-32

Therefore receiving an answer in such divine simplicity, I have confessed my sins to God, the Church, and to friends (and I continue to do so) ... I have repented of my ‘false’ sexual deviant thoughts, activities, and actions; furthermore, I have also cast the entanglements of perverse shame and unnecessary guilt to the wayside. Ignoring my fears of rejection and failure; I continue to decide in choosing eternal life, eternal paradise, and eternal fellowship – for this is what I call the true Christian freedom from confusion and disparity!

With enthusiasm and sincerity I chose to abandon my secret life and my destructive thinking behind the fires of shame and guilt; I desperately wanted Heaven and I wanted to be part of the Lord’s Kingdom of Celestial Paradise … I wanted to partake in the Lord’s Supper, the Eucharistic Celebration and Sacrifice. I wanted to be ME!

I have discarded the part of my being that was created out of fear – my identity as a sexually perverse and liberal-humanistic extremist; and in its place, God did and continues to supply His perfect love, peace, contentment, joy, and a real sense of being. God has released me from false hatred and counter-religious compulsions, and has given me a sense of belonging. God has accepted me as a child of His, just the same as His only begotten son Jesus has accepted me as a fellow sibling. I am now free to be obedient and free to make the correct choices.

I now stand upright and humble before God and I am able to freely praise Him. It was the power of the Holy Spirit that brought me to repentance. I am no longer living life as a juggler. I know who I am and to whom I belong. I am a fellow citizen with God’s people and a member of God’s household; I am an authentic and sexually sound Christian of the Roman Rite.

I am still opposed and oppressed by the guilt principles, for everyone is opposed and oppressed by something; but, I am no longer in bondage to those oppositions and oppressions. I can recognize guilt and untruth for what it is and I can now choose to resist false deception and live in God’s victory. I understand that if I ever do fall into the oppositional and oppressive guilt, only if a little, I know that I can fall before the Lord with an open heart and mind, and ask Him for His guidance and deliverance of such atrocities!

I must say, recovering from any denial and hatred of one’s self is hard. Incompatible with spiritual principles, denial and self-denial hampers one’s ability to accept, defeat, and surrender to the living truth and life through faith in Jesus Christ. The people who do not let their ‘REAL’ selves come out, are the ones to perish – unable to cross the bridge to providence.

Since recovery requires an emotional and spiritual wellness based on balance and honesty in truth, I suddenly see it as an opportunity to embrace my individual authenticity and my intricate differences, as also to undyingly fight against the counter-religious energy so overemphasized in our culture. Therefore empowered, I then think of those in the world (and those of similar stature) that have rejected me, but most of all, those who blatantly reject God.

To those who wish to criticize me on my stature ... I refuse to try and be someone I am not; for in accepting who I am, I fully understand the difficulties that may ensue, and I fully understand the reserve I must have more so through my sexuality. Whether my orientation is a stigma, deficiency, or a natural born feature, I refuse to let such classifications and the corrals that follow them to stop me.

Moreover, I see my condition of sexuality something that cannot be changed at the moment, and ultimately I must accept such truth and use it in the highest regards for the glory of God. For I understand that sexual conduct must be managed at all costs. Because of this, I know that many oppositional proponents will reject the authenticity of unique sexuality in humankind and that they (the oppositional proponents) believe that such difference in orientation damns one to the fires of eternal death and darkness; but, this is contrary to the doctrine of love and truth, for such sexual difficulty and difference is not subject to the falseness of such condemnation, as also, not subject to such atrocious ideals of blatant misinterpretation … and is only subject in the end to the servitude and livelihood for God Almighty!

I have a fruitful life I can live because of my character in God, the liberty I possess through authenticity, and because my life has taken a transcendent leap in consciousness and spirituality, transforming the bonds of self-rejection into an ever-flowing river of self-acceptance! I refuse to allow the wars over faith, sexuality, and human life to destroy me, or force me into accepting an atrocious and extremist ideal of anti-life choices. I believe that sexuality has much to offer; yet, I also believe that sexual reserve is needed in the utmost by all people in society ... for in practicing sexual reserve and having sexual couth, there is a preservation of faith, community, and most of all, a preservation of self.

In the preservation of self, I see each one of us is instilled with various virtues and vices, resulting in failure and advancement through the progression of faith in Jesus Christ Yet, I am continually reminded by the Holy Spirit to be careful and not surmount to the tragic vices the enemy utilizes in the power of darkness; such as jealousy, greed, hatred, and rage of dark-militant passion. God has given me the eyes to see the enemy’s actions of ill-desire, which is an overflowing insatiable appetite of death and destruction. I refuse to become a haemorrhage of vile sickness and a contorted piece of desolate flesh for the devil and his darkness.

As I bend down here and there, picking up broken bits and pieces of faith and logic, the revealing of my faith continues. Having been born with a unique and intricate purpose (as each of us are, in our own special way), I continue to perceive life from an inclusive and progressive visionary post. I am continually driven to question, search, explore, experience, and reconcile my faith; and ‘learn’ of the faith of my brothers and sisters with similar distinction, challenges, and differences – as well as from those who have other distinctive and highly unique life qualities. As my biggest life issue dissipates over time, the depth of my former self-denial is replaced by an equal and opposite surge of humble pride, a joy of being, and an honest proclamation of faith, reason, and truth.

May the Holy Spirit continue to be manifest among us in all our decisions, and may the work of God continue to be lived and discovered through ‘Faith and Science’! May we continue to live the full and authentic principles of faith; furthermore, in the utmost, let us also take light of what ‘Science’ has to offer to humanity ... lest we make catastrophic mistakes, as in example to what had been done to Galileo and to those in history with such passions and drives for authenticity and truth! May collective inclusion be looked for, discovered, and made alive through righteous application in faith, science, and government to the utmost … For truth in the end, WILL prevail!

[P.S. … If you are struggling with the intricate weavings of faith, any type of sexual difference, or sexual perversion; I hope that this testimony of light, life, and authenticity has brought you a gleam of hope. Remember, that no matter where you are, or what you have done, God has never and will never let go of you. The journey may not always be easy; but, God will always be faithful. For if you will not give up, God will bring you to places you never even dreamed of or thought would be possible. God is ready to meet you in your journey and transform your life. May you have the faith and courage to make it this day and every day through the most Dearest, Beloved, and Everlasting God! … Be REAL and Be AUTHENTIC!]

* * * * * * *

My fellow brothers and sisters of the faith, may you see beyond human fault and embrace the very light and authentic truth of the Everlasting God!

With much love;

+ Aaron “Jamie Marian” Harrison

(Originally Written: 20 July 2009)

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