Posted on 09/22/2009 7:29:33 AM PDT by SeekAndFind
Years ago, a family therapist was asked, “What are the top three causes of divorce?” to which he replied, “Selfishness, selfishness, selfishness!” Of course this is an oversimplification of the varied and many contributing factors to divorce but there is an element of truth in this statement that permeates each.
At the core of all that ails the human race is selfishness: this innate love of self-self-worship-or pride. We alienate ourselves from one another when we elevate our desires, our opinions, and our feelings above others. We cheat and steal because we want, we lie and deceive because we give priority to our self-interests, we murder-in actuality or with words-because our puny sense of supremacy is threatened. This is the very sin that separates us from God: our love of self over and against the Father. In short, we are deplorably selfish beings consumed with satisfying our own appetites and desires, often without regard for anyone else.
This is the dreadful state in which the Lord finds us-and despite our active resistance to his rightful rule in our hearts, our thoughts, and actions, he lovingly subdues our rebellious pride with his grace and mercy. He saves us from eternal alienation that our stubborn resistance brings! The old man, so infatuated with himself, is crucified and buried with Christ; we are raised to a new life in Christ (see Romans 6:4). However, this new life doesn’t just happen. Our will, which was once in bondage to sin, has been freed to pursue godliness in obedience to Christ through faith. Paul, writing to the church at Ephesus, tells us that we are to be taught to cast away our “old self” and “to be made new in the attitude of your minds; and to put on the new self, created to be like God in true righteousness and holiness” (Ephesians 4:22–24, NIV). C. S. Lewis summed it up in saying, “To become new men means losing what we now call ourselves” (Mere Christianity).
The clearest clue to what this new self looks like is given in Paul’s letter to the Philippians when he writes, “Your attitude should be the same as that of Christ Jesus: Who, being in very nature God, did not consider equality with God something to be grasped, but made himself nothing, taking the very nature of a servant, being made in human likeness” (Philippians 2:5–7, NIV). This is a radical departure from our selfish nature into one that denies self even in the face of offense. This same nature is, of course, the foundation for marriage-but also all relationships.
In Ephesians, Paul lays out the foundation of marriage as being rooted in a mutual love and submission, “Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord” and “Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her” (Ephesians 5:22, 25, NIV). Notice also that Paul begins this chapter with the charge to “Be imitators of God,” another reference to the disposition described in Philippians chapter two. Later in his letter to the Ephesians, Paul compares this joining of two people into “one flesh” to that of Christ and his bride, the church (see Ephesians 5:32). Thus marriage-this “profound mystery,” according to Paul-transcends anything resembling a mere contractual obligation. Nor is marriage simply a self-serving means to personal happiness; Christian couples should strive for and display this self-denying disposition.
Another aspect that should govern Christian marriage is the doctrine of God’s sovereignty.
Do we believe that when we suffer, we suffer outside the will of God, or do we believe that God allows suffering to enter our lives for his good purpose? Isn’t there the expectation that we, too, will share in the sufferings of Christ, that “we must through many tribulations enter the kingdom of God” (Acts 14:22, NKJV)? While we do not eagerly seek to suffer, don’t we believe that suffering bears sweet fruit nourished by bitter tears and that such fruit is nothing less than holy character (see Romans 5:2–4)? If we believe that God in his providence causes everything to “work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to his purpose”(Romans 8:28, NLT), then wouldn’t it be reasonable to conclude that such suffering may also come in the form of a troubled marriage?
That being the case, wouldn’t we be expected to persevere rather than seek escape, trusting God for both endurance and the outcome? It is here-in the domain of our so-called domestic happiness-that we may be tempted to draw a boundary, saying, in essence, “Lord, you may come this far but no farther.” It is often in this context that the old self returns in an effort to assert his rights: “I need, I want, I deserve!” However, the Christian is compelled to lay down these rights and instead trust in God, believing that his grace is indeed sufficient in all things including an oppressive and loveless marriage. It is here that the Christian patiently endures, trusting the Lord for the grace to do so, and hopes for a future where God may be pleased to set things right.
Please do not think I am suggesting that the person suffering physical abuse remain in a situation whereby he or she is subjected to physical harm. I am not! However, that is a topic for another time, as I am presently addressing divorce for no other reason than the failure to achieve personal “happiness.” This is where we Christians either begin to differ from the world or remain worldly. The Christian life does not culminate in a quest to be happy but to be holy!
If our attitude is to be the same as that of Christ Jesus, then consider how Jesus responds to his frequently unfaithful bride, the church. Every one of us has, at some point, been unfaithful to Christ; we have wantonly rebelled against him, we have been indifferent, even abusive in our disregard toward him. We have all failed to love him at times and we constantly put our needs ahead of his. And yet Jesus never says to us, “That’s it, I’ve had it! I will not take this abuse anymore; you are selfish and uncaring; you don’t love me or make me feel special, so I am out of here!” Can you imagine these words coming out of the Savior’s mouth? Never!
So it is to be with us. For those poor souls who walk in darkness, there is no chance of assuming the self-denying character of Christ; but for those whom Christ has made alive, there is the all-sufficient well of grace. It is to Christ that the Christ-follower must go with his “irreconcilable differences,” not to the courts. It is only Christ who reconciles the unrighteous with the righteous and it is Christ that can reconcile husband and wife.
The question for the church is this: Will we truly trust him in all things, including while we suffer marital maelstroms? Will we follow Christ when it is most difficult? If we won’t, then not only will we fail in our witness, we will never know the freedom of living by faith. _____________________________________________________________________________________________________
S. Michael Craven is the President of the Center for Christ & Culture. Michael is the author of Uncompromised Faith: Overcoming Our Culturalized Christianity (Navpress). Michael's ministry is dedicated to renewal within the Church and works to equip Christians with an intelligent and thoroughly Christian approach to matters of culture in order to demonstrate the relevance of Christianity to all of life. For more information on the Center for Christ & Culture, visit: www.battlefortruth.org. Michael lives in the Dallas area with his wife Carol and their three children.
Sorry, as HG said, we were just teasing. I have been here over 11 years and this is the first time i have had an admin mod so much as cock an eyebrow at me. I blame HG ; )
God certainly changed his mind abou that one, didn't he?
LOL! You are a victim of even-handedness. I must post the same warning regardless of seniority and apparent good nature of the ribbing.
You are ever ready to be full of many empty and false assumptions, so it would seem.
They should prosecute capitalization errors in my opinion. ;-)
Why did you misrepresent the truth in the first place?
The plain language of the Scriptures teaches that understanding and accepting the Truth depends entirely on an "honest heart"-- that's what the Parable of the Soils in Luke 8 is all about! Read it! All people fit into 1 of the 4 categories Christ has listed.
How we react to the Word is always a matter of our own choice. And because we are creatures who often let ourselves be led by our own desires, we don't choose to see the Truth right in front of us.
We are basically no different from the population of this planet in Noah's day-- he tried to reach them for 120 years with God's Word (and His Word is all that God uses to persuade people). In the end of Noah's world, only 8 people believed, with tragic consequences.
The choice right now is entirely yours.
It can be shown that He didn't change His mind at all. Are you willing to listen to a real explanation of that, or is this just grenade tossing?
I made a mistake. Why don’t you answer the question?
“I have come to change the Law” Jesus.
I will
The poor guy? You’ve been here awhile right?
Do take your time...
I will
I figured.
Unchaste can have different meanings. Various sources have the meaning listed as immorality that is not necessarily limited to sexual nature. I’m not aware of the original text or if the english translation is precise.
I take them seriously, but would not stay in an abusive relationship. Leaving something like that behind is not selfishness, but a matter of survival.
Answer: Read and Understand John 8:1-11. Then understand why Jesus didn’t break the Mosaic Law. That is a good start.
So we can still drag adulterers outside the City gates and stone them to death?
Being one divorced 8 years ago because she was not “happy”, I offer the very advice I have given my sons:
If you find that the girl you might want to marry is self-centered and selfish, run like hell in the other direction. she will only cause you misery somewhere down the road.
In the ashes of my divorce, I discovered many of these very same truths written in this article. The selfishness part is both Biblical and true in its practicality. Unfortunately, our culture emphasizes selfishness and self-centeredness over thoughtfulness of others and self-denial. Don’t take my word for it. Just look around you. It has been nothing less than devastating to our culture and society.
As a side note, in my study of the Bible over the years, I have found it to be a fascinating study of human nature and human motivation and wisdom. In the words of Ecclesiastes 1:9, which says,
“What has been will be again, and what has been will be done again; there is nothing new under the sun.”
People need to start searching for truth in the original self-help book.,
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