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Not Letting Dad Die
Headline Bistro ^ | 9/24/10 | Brian Caulfield

Posted on 09/24/2010 2:20:17 PM PDT by Headline Bistro

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To: trisham
I think it is the responsibility of each of us to make known our wishes to the family long before we need to...Its not right to leave it up to our kids to make life or death decisions for their parents without knowing what the parents wishes are.....I have a durable power of attorney for medical care and 2 of my kids are listed to make those decisions.....I have in writing what my wishes are and every couple of years I remind my kids and have told them if they feel that they cannot carry out my wishes to let me know and I will assign another of my children to replace them....it should never be left up to the children when one is in serious conditions and in the hospital... That puts a burden on someone else to decide for us and that's not a fair position to put a loved one in...

Too many people don't want to face their own mortality and just leave those decisions they cannot make to someone else...I was only 50 when I made out my will, trust, P of A. My husband died young, at 51 of his one and only heart attack with no previous sign of heart trouble...

I wasn't going to leave my family to make decisions that were my responsibility...many may disagree, but being a nurse I have seen what some family's have to go through making decisions that they were not prepared to make.. just my opinion and others probably disagree....

41 posted on 09/25/2010 1:42:04 AM PDT by goat granny
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To: WestwardHo

My children were told to answer “you will have to ask my mother or father abut that”.


42 posted on 09/25/2010 6:14:15 AM PDT by kalee (The offences we give, we write in the dust; Those we take, we engrave in marble. J Huett 1658)
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To: Headline Bistro

I had a similar experience last Nov at a major university hospital.
My mother would have been sent home and medicated to death, but I demanded they treat the pneumonia and get her off some of the meds they had her on.
She was brought her in on a stretcher, barely responsive, rattling with pneumonia. A few hours later she was sitting up in the bed talking. The OR dr said this is amazing. My reply “no she missed her 8PM meds”.
Before she was admitted I had a very ugly scene with a dr not her dr but another one in the practice who told me I needed to accept facts and just let her go. I demanded they admit her and treat the pneumonia. In the end they did as I wanted and my mother was sitting up in bed talking and laughing the next afternoon when my brother flew in from deployment. Yes she had a terminal illness, but her last wish was to see my brother who was due to arrive the next day. Nothing nor no-one except God would have stood between me and my fulfilling that last wish. She has since passed away but she was with us through Christmas and the New Year eating her favorite pumpkin pie surrounded by family and friends. Maybe not what that dr thinks of as good quality of life but what gives any dr the right to decide that for any patient? The patient and family should decide.

All I can say is be prepared to fight because the death panels already exist. Be careful when choosing a doctor, a hospital and a hospice. Have the end of life discussions early in treatment so everyone knows what you want and believe.


43 posted on 09/25/2010 6:41:53 AM PDT by kalee (The offences we give, we write in the dust; Those we take, we engrave in marble. J Huett 1658)
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To: kalee

My children were told to answer “you will have to ask my mother or father abut that”.

My father was terrified of hospitals, never went to the doctor.
He was old, he was dying, and he was in the hospital. My dad was alert and all that, but in that bed he was a scared, confused child. All I wanted to do was wrap him in a warm blanket, take him home, and calm his fears.
He was too overwhelmed to make decisions.


44 posted on 09/25/2010 6:58:35 AM PDT by WestwardHo (Whom the god would destroy, they first drive mad.)
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To: WestwardHo

The last seven months of my mother’s life, our roles reversed and she was my child. It was heartbreaking, but I am comfortable with the decisions I made and the battles I waged on her behalf. She had the best care I could provide and died at home with those she loved.


45 posted on 09/25/2010 7:05:55 AM PDT by kalee (The offences we give, we write in the dust; Those we take, we engrave in marble. J Huett 1658)
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To: WestwardHo

That was the response my children were told to give if any doctor or teacher asked about guns in our home.


46 posted on 09/25/2010 7:06:41 AM PDT by kalee (The offences we give, we write in the dust; Those we take, we engrave in marble. J Huett 1658)
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To: goat granny

I agree. Have you see Mrs. Don-o’s post at #23?


47 posted on 09/25/2010 7:35:55 AM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: trisham

I have read many of Mrs, Don O replies on many articles and she always gives excellent advice...an admirable lady...


48 posted on 09/25/2010 10:58:11 AM PDT by goat granny
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To: goat granny

I could not agree more.


49 posted on 09/25/2010 11:13:38 AM PDT by trisham (Zen is not easy. It takes effort to attain nothingness. And then what do you have? Bupkis.)
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To: Headline Bistro
Pinged from Terri Dailies


50 posted on 09/26/2010 10:56:28 AM PDT by wagglebee ("A political party cannot be all things to all people." -- Ronald Reagan, 3/1/75)
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To: BykrBayb
We shouldn’t be required to fill out a form requesting our basic rights.

The problem is, not everyone agrees what those "rights" are. Doctors cannot just assume that someone who is unable to communicate with them wants to live. That's one reason for the form.

I also don't want my family put in the position of trying to guess what I want.

Last but not least, Obamacare. I want it made clear, in writing, what treatment I want and don't want. That may not stop the government directed doctors from withholding treatment, but at least it won't be because I didn't put my wishes in writing.

51 posted on 09/27/2010 5:56:47 AM PDT by MEGoody (Ye shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.)
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