A man dies and goes to heaven. St. Peter meets him at the pearly gates.
St. Peter says, “Here’s how it works. You need 100 points to make it into heaven. You tell me all the good things you’ve done, and I give you a certain number of points for each item, depending on how good it was. When you reach 100 points, you get in.”
“Okay” the man says, “I attended church every Sunday”
“That’s good, says St. Peter, “ that’s worth two points”
“Two points?” he says. “Well, I gave 10% of all my earnings to the church”
“Well, let’s see,” answers Peter, “that’s worth another 2 points. Did you do anything else?”
“Two points? Golly. How about this: I started a soup kitchen in my city and worked in a shelter for homeless veterans.”
“Fantastic, that’s certainly worth a point, “ he says.
“hmmm...,” the man says, “I was married to the same woman for 50 years and never cheated on her, even in my heart.”
“That’s wonderful,” says St. Peter, “that’s worth three points!”
“THREE POINTS!!” the man cries, “At this rate the only way I get into heaven is by the grace of God!”
“Come on in!”
On Sunday morning, the preacher brings in 4 covered jars with one live worm in each. In one he poured whiskey, in one he poured liquid chocolate, in the third one he poured cigarette smoke and in the fourth one he threw in dirt. Result was nothing unusual. Worms in first three jars died. He then looked at the congregation and said, “I don’t have to tell much. I believe you have learnt a clear lesson”. Then he pointed at a little girl and asked,”Sweetheart, can you tell what have you learnt?”. Without any hesitation she said,”If you drink, smoke and eat chocolate you’ll never have worms”.
Very good, grasshopper!