“I know a couple, man and woman, who have been living together for 30+ years, not married. Super devoted to each other through thick and thin. True definition of soulmates to the core.
I also know people who have been married in a church, broke up through adultery or just stopped loving each other and are now divorced.
What arrangement does God favor? I really don’t know in this case. Is he going to condemn the first couple because they don’t have a certificate in their top drawer?”
This is a situation i am aware of.
I think I should tell you that historicaly that the devoted couple in your first case would have historically been regarded as married whether or not they had the official Government or Church Sanction or not. Government Sanctions are of course a recent invention(Last ~100 years or so) of the progressives. To be honest Church sanction in many parts is not a heck of a lot older.
Thus I cannot think it likely that God would much care that theses people did not get the official papers from either of the earthly institutions. I do however think it somewhat more likely that God would care about those who became divorced. It seems there to be a question of faith and faithfulness to ones wife or husband. That given with or without earthly institutional sanction is of little consequence to the real question which is of your faith, your choices, your commitment.
The essence of a marriage/wedding is the lifetime commitment of a man and woman to each other, for life, for the purpose of begetting and raising children. The lifetime commitment is, logically, primary, since some couples are unable to have children.
Unwillingness to have children, or the inability to perform the marital act, render a wedding/marriage null.
In Christian marriage, grace is conferred. But the priest or minister simply acts as the witness for the Church and the State.
Marriage has a public aspect, as well as a private aspect. Marriage should not be kept secret, for obvious reasons.
Additionally, society has a secondary role to play in the raising of children. It is therefore not unreasonable for the State to register marriages.
Finally, the State must adjudicate custody issues, so it must determine the civil validity of marriages.