Posted on 08/13/2012 1:44:37 PM PDT by NYer
Ooops. I suspect another family member came by and messed with that post while I was changing the baby.
around 11,000 today
You got it and...it seems the guests and bridal party seem to have to pay so much to participate by traveling to an island or some other place..it’s amazing.
LOL.
Rush Limbaugh spent a million bucks just to have Elton john sing at his wedding.
Kinda skews the averages when you factor celebrity marriages into the equation.
Well, here I am bucking the trend...
We were married in 1993, and even though I lived at home in NYC, the wedding took place on Long Island, in a church (to which we donated a generous $500 and tipped the 4 altar boys $50 each.)
When planning for the wedding, the first question we had to answer was: Shall we invite the entire family, or just parents, grandparents and aunts and uncles? This was important because it meant the difference of having a 50 person wedding, or one that would top 300. (I have a LOT of cousins.) I wanted my cousins there, and so did hubby. Right away, that meant that our reception was going to cost big bucks — there are a limited number of places that can handle 300+ people. I had already decided to only have a matron of honor and a few ushers.
Knowing this, I made an effort to not only save my parents some money, but to save my father from cardiac arrest right on the spot. So I checked out the “cheaper” options available: Knights of Columbus Halls, etc. Yup, the rental for these places was pretty cheap, but you still had to hire a caterer, rent tables and chairs and linens and place settings, and hire waitstaff. All of a sudden, the “cheap place” wasn’t so cheap anymore.
So I went to a fancy-dancy catering hall on Long Island. The place was beautifuly decorated in the style of an English hunting lodge. The menu was fabulous, and everything would be included, including the cake. But there was a problem. The cost PER PERSON for this venue was (in 1993 mind you) a whopping $120!
After my head stopped pounding and my vision cleared, I calmly and politely said, “That’s well beyond my budget. I thank you for your time, though,” and began to leave.
“Wait, wait!” the maitre d’ shouted! “I have an idea! What if you got married on a FRIDAY instead of a Saturday?”
Get married on a FRIDAY? I’d never heard of such a thing. I wondered why that might change my mind and the maitre d’ said, “Well, the cost per person on a Friday night would be $67.”
And suddenly, I had an option. Still, I didn’t know if Father would allow a Catholic wedding on a Friday. I told the maitre d’ I’d have to ask, but pencil me in for Oct. 22. So I ran home and called the church, and Thanks be to God, Father said, yes, I could get married on a Friday night instead of a Saturday afternoon.
As for the rest of the expenses, hubby and I paid for everything else except for the flowers, which were the gift of my former employer (the flower shop, that is). The photographer and the band (this was before DJs, but I still would have gone with a band), and the tuxedos were all paid for by the two of us, and I admit to splurging with my own money on a wedding gown that cost a small fortune. But hey, I was six feet tall, model thin and had a magnificent aisle to fill up. That train was going to be LONG. I had the cash, so I spent it.
And oh, what a great time we had! Sadly, the bishop refused to allow a Latin Mass, and I made the organist crazy by asking for the Arcadelt “Ave Maria” rather than the Bach, but the ceremony was lovely and reverent. The reception went off without a hitch, and the only thing hubby and I really missed was the opportunity to TRULY enjoy the magnificent dinner placed before us.
I remember everything like it was yesterday, I love my husband even more than I did that day, and I look forward to having many more happy years together.
So...I think it’s all in how you look at things: If you value the sacrament more than you do the party afterwards, it doesn’t matter HOW much you spend. If not...well, you could get married with $100 or $100K — there will be trouble.
Regards,
PS: Congratulations to all you happily married people out there, no matter WHAT you spent on the wedding! Isn’t it wonderful to be in love?
Just wow! I’m a Long Islander .. why didn’t I get an invitation? ;-) Just kidding. Sometimes, simply changing an event date can make all the difference and your wedding is testimony to this fact. An English hunting lodge ... do you mind my asking where on Long Island the lodge is located?
Oh, I’m sure you’ve heard of it, NYer...The Fox Hollow (how ENGLISH, right??)
It’s one of the Scotto Brothers’ places, along with Westbury Manor and the Chateau Briand (where my brother had his wedding — and his was even bigger than mime at over 400 people — his wife’s family is larger than ours, hard as that is to believe).
You’re right about changing that one little date made all the difference — to this day, I don’t know what I would have done to reign in costs and still have my whole family there to witness our nuptials. People say, “Oh, why didn’t you have it in a tent?” Well, I would have but as you know, LAND is at a premium in NYC and on Long Island — where would I put this tent?
No matter. We’re coming on 20 years of marriage and all is well. What more could I ask?
Regards,
PS: I would have been delighted to have you at the wedding dear NYer!
I remember growing up my Dad telling us three girls that when we got married he would either pay for a big wedding or buy us a car. He lucked out because I waited until I was 38 to get married and was already out on my own with a good job and settled home. He ended up not paying for anything. When we got married, we already had decided we would sell the 32' boat and upgrade to a larger one so we could live aboard while continuing to work to be able to retire early and go "cruising". That's the reason why we asked our guests to NOT give us gifts - we knew we needed to seriously downsize once we moved aboard.
A wedding was always supposed to be the start of a life-long union that combined two families and it was celebrated and special. Sadly, too many weddings turn into unabashed show-offs meant to impress everyone and don't last. Today's couples should, in my opinion, have small tasteful weddings and, instead of tens of thousands spent on it, use the money to buy a house. It seems like such a waste to spend so much money and stress on one day when the marriage is what deserves the most effort and is what is supposed to last a lifetime.
I applaud your commitment to your marriage and the family you have together built to love the Lord and live for Him. I wish far more couples entered into the bonds of marriage with the same outlook.
My parents budgeted $3,000 for my wedding, and said I could have it in cash if I wanted to have it in the Chaplain’s office ;-). When we decided on a church wedding, Mom said I had to have engraved invitations (because she wanted them and didn’t have them for her wedding) and invite an array of people who mostly wouldn’t come, but it was important to invite them. Fair enough! We ended up with about 80 guests, because there was an ice storm (in San Antonio) and some people couldn’t get there. Wedding at 10:00 a.m., reception with coffee, champagne, cake and sandwiches, and the unavoidable Officers’ Club meatballs.
It might have been a bigger deal if we’d lived near either of our families, but he was in the Air Force and I was in college, a couple thousand miles from everyone. If everyone lives in the same city, I can see where accommodating all the potential attendees could be a real issue.
Have you retired on your boat? My husband would love that, but I have dreadful motion-sickness issues and want my “laundromat-bar-and-grill” on dry land!
Nothing! The fact that you love your husband more today than yesterday, is testimony to the blessings God has bestowed on your marriage. Your union is indeed ... a match made in Heaven.
P.S. - thanks for the invite! I miss Long Island. 20 years ago, I moved upstate to the Capitol District to be closer to my aging parents, who relocated here 30 years before my move. The best part of this move is that I retain happy memories of the Long Island years while growing up. Now, I am centrally located - 3 hours away from NYC, BOS or Montreal. Still, the smell of the surf eludes me, along with the call of the gulls and the sound of international flights passing overhead at specific times of day. I'll keep the memories and cherish the new surroundings.
Aww...NYer, if you ever find yourself down this way, please let me know. I’ll meet you at Mass (TLM, of course!) and go out for brunch afterwards. Near the ocean, if you wish.
Regards,
When Hubby and I got married 29 years ago in the Twin Cities it cost my parents $3,000. Times do change.
I think we were close to that. My viewpoint with my daughters is that they would be better off having a modest wedding and use the money saved for a nice honeymoon.
We moved aboard the 45' sailboat and continued to work full time for six years. The boat was docked at a marina in St. Pete. We did retire in 1999 and we cruised for two years, going to the Bahamas twice and all the way around the west coast of Florida, up through the keys, including Key West. On the way back from the Bahamas, we decided that sailing was too darn s-l-o-w, so we put the boat up for sale. It sold in 2001 and we bought a new 42' trawler (motorboat). We sailed it around Florida, even went through the Okeechobee Waterway twice (a lock system straight through the middle of the state). Back to the Bahamas (twice) and all the way up to Daytona and down to Ft. Lauderdale, Palm Beach and Miami. LOVED, loved, loved it!
On the trawler we had a generator that could run the two air conditioners, we had a full size refrigerator/freezer with ice maker, three-burner stove with a convection/microwave oven, large stainless steel sink, two queen bed staterooms each with its own head (walk-in shower, toilet and sink), a living room with stereo surround sound and satellite TV (32" LCD) and even a dinette that seated four. Best of all - it had a washer/dryer! We had a great fully-enclosed flybridge with all the navigation toys including self-steering. Even though it was a trawler, we could cruise at 14 knots. It was a GREAT home and vacation place all in one - we never had to pack!
Believe it or not, my hubby has a seasickness problem, but unless we got caught in a bad storm, he really didn't have it much. We learned to schedule crossings when the weather was settled and, on many of the trips, we stayed close to shore so the rolling wasn't bad. We HAVE had our share of rotten weather - and you SWEAR you will NEVER go out on a boat again - but you get into a slip, take a shower, have a cold one or three and you know that it was all momentary insanity talking. The good times FAR outweighed the bad ones. And, like life, the bad times made the good times all the much better and at least you got experience for the next bad time. :o)
We met many people that said how much they had always wanted to do what we did, and I would tell them, "Do it! What's the worst thing that could happen? You do it and you hate it, sell the boat and go back to a house, at least you could say you tried it. And if you love it, then think of what you would have missed had you never tried it!". I know y'all have young kids, so maybe cruising isn't the best for you right now, but you can always take a sailing class and fly to an island resort and charter a sailboat for a week or two. You can even have several couples go in on one together and it can be very reasonable that way. By all means, TRY IT. The scopolamine patches on the market work GREAT for seasickness.
As to us still having the boat, sad to say we sold it in 2006 and bought a house in Charlotte. We're dirtdwellers now. My Mom lives with us - she was displaced after Katrina - and my back problems just did not work well with living on a boat anymore but we are both okay with that. I am SO glad we did it - it had always been a dream of my husband's and I will treasure the times we had, the things we saw, the friends we made - all of it. It is a great way to live!
Thanks for sharing that. I live in the Charlotte area, too. My husband and some kids sail at Lake Norman, while I do dishes and laundry and diapers and stuff. His friend from church used to race sailboats; he says you can see him in the “Jimmy Buffett Live in Anguilla” video, if you know where to look.
Our baby is only 6 months old, so I’ll be housebound for many years to come, but I love hearing about people’s having real adventures!
These days, couples spend tens of thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours on the “perfect wedding”. They put little thought and effort into ensuring their marriage is successful.
Burn the chick magazines and turn off gay/women tv.
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