‘Brides of the State’ and the Family Man
By Katie Mythen
First published in "Inside Cork" Newspaper Thursday 8 July 2004
It is generally presumed, both at home and abroad, that Irish Society affords a high level of protection for parental rights and for the welfare of children. However, as society moves further and further away from the traditional values of marriage, wedlock and two-parent families, embracing what has become a comparatively liberal reality, the outline of a father's duty in the upbringing of children has become somewhat blurred.
For years, many men have found themselves on the outside of what was once their family life, faced with the stark realisation that having rights and actually being able to exercise them are two completely different issues. One of the prime activities of the National Men's Council of Ireland is to monitor, on behalf of parents, how legislation and social policy impacts on the family, marriage and, particularly, on children.
Roscommon man Roger Eldridge, Chairman, National Men's Council of Ireland told Inside Cork, "Recently an unmarried father complained about his treatment as a parent saying, "Men can rear children, wash dishes, cook meals, clean houses just as well as women can. The only thing they can't do is give birth. "The obvious reply is, of course men can do all the practical things. The problem for men lies in the second sentence, "The only thing they can't do is give birth." This leaves this man and all unmarried men with the problem of how do they propose that women let them "rear children, wash dishes, cook meals, clean houses?"
Roger continued, "What the National Men's Council of Ireland are saying and what is in the Constitution (for the Common Good) is that only marriage allows a man to have a legitimate opportunity to have a family life as this man describes. A man earns himself a role by being family protector and provider. As long as the woman values his role she will agree to him being part of her family."
According to the French novelist and social anthropologist Briffault: "The female, not the male, determines all the conditions of the animal family. Where the female can derive no benefit from association with the male, no such association takes place". - Robert Briffault"
"This somewhat harsh analysis derives from the empirical data which show that, despite our delusions about women being the more romantic partner in a relationship, 90% of women marry a man who has more assets or earning potential than they do." Said Roger. "If women married for love the law of averages suggests they would marry a richer man only 50% of the time. The state is aware of Briffault's Law and through social welfare policies and illegal judicial activism in the family courts has sought the place of the husband. Effectively the army of "unmarried mothers" and 'separated wives' in Ireland today are "Brides of the State". For example the state is able, through the so-called 'One- Parent Family Payment' scheme, to offer young women a disposable income that 99% of young men can not compete with. We have calculated using up-to-date figures how much a man must offer just to compete with the equivalent cash-in-hand that an unmarried mother is currently receiving by way of benefits, including housing, clothing, fuel allowances etc. If the mother has 2 children, gets Child Benefit and the One-Parent Family Payment and she avails of the scheme where she works 19 hours a week at times that suit her, her cash in hand will be roughly €450 per week. She pays no tax or PRSI on this. On to this must be added the cost benefits of the free Medical Card, Fuel Allowance, Back-to-School Clothing Allowance, say at a minimum another €30. She will be put at the top of the Local Authority housing lists and will then get a reduced rent or mortgage payment benefit equivalent.
For a young man to generate an equivalent disposable income he must provide as take-home- pay the same €480 she is getting plus he must provide equivalent secure housing which means a mortgage costing him a minimum of €150 per week. So now he must provide €630 per week in his hand to provide the equivalent of what the state gives to the mother for her and her two kids. We must not forget his basic needs. The most important being that he needs is a car so that he can get to work so he needs again a minimum of another €70 in his hand for insurance, tax and running costs. The state allowance for a single man on the dole is €130 so let's assume he lives on the breadline. This means that he must bring to the relationship €630 + €70 + €130 = € 830 in cash to enable his wife and him to live at the level that the mother could enjoy from the state on her own without him. This cash is after tax and PRSI deductions so his gross pay must be in the region of €1250! It is obvious that only exceptionally fortunate young men (or any man) can compete with the state for the mother's 'hand in marriage'.
The average gross pay for 20 to 30 year old men is actually less than half what he needs to be an 'eligible' bachelor." Hence the state, having wooed the mother with our tax-paid money, then acts in the nature of a jealous husband who will countenance no rival suitors and so ensures that she will never marry a man. If the mother should meet a man who might have the potential to foot the bill for her, this is where the state gets really nasty. It says that if she is even seen with a man about the house she will lose all her benefits!"
Roger feels that the untold pressure on the modern Irish man contributes significantly to the country's climbing suicide rate, "We shouldn't be at all surprised to see that the rate of suicide amongst men in Ireland is one of the highest in the world," he said, "and that it peaks for males between the ages of 20 and 35, when men should be at he prime of their lives and getting married so they can start a family and enjoy the comforts and benefits that it brings." A recent World Health Organisation report, entitled Young People's Health in Context, which studied the health and behaviour of 11 to 15-year-olds in 32 European countries, as well as Canada, America and Israel, cited family structures as an "important factor" in young people's health.
Jill Kirby, the chairman of the family policy group at the Centre for Policy Studies, said: "There is a mass of evidence that children brought up by only one parent are at risk of under-age sex, drug abuse and drinking." Roger asks, "So how does the state justify promoting the position of unmarried mothers to the detriment of their children? And why, with the Irish Constitutional position clearly encouraging families based on marriage, is the state penalising the formation of marriage and RTE hell bent on preventing groups like us who promote marriage for its well-documented benefits from being heard by the people? The answer frighteningly must lie with the fact that the unholy alliance between big government and big business wants us all to be isolated, vulnerable individuals without family or community supports so that it can do what it wants with us, ie enslave us. Isn't it time that the decent family men and women of Ireland stood up for themselves?"
As always, Inside Cork welcomes your views (Broadcasting House, Patrick's Place, Cork).