Decisions decisions!
Posted on 10/28/2013 8:22:29 AM PDT by Colofornian
I was thinking it was simpler than that.
He just wanted to “marry” a bunch of underage girls.
Makin' a livin' is a hell of a way to die...
JESUS: Hey Smith! Remember that boast you made about doing more than even I had done to hold the 'church' together?
JOSEPH SMITH: Where am I?
JESUS: Don't you remember? A few seconds ago you were in that jail.
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh; yeah; but where am I NOW?
JESUS: Don't you remember? Does bang - bang ring a bell?
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh; yeah - that crummy gun I had was about USELESS!
JESUS: I hope you left instructions on how to hold your church together.
JOSEPH SMITH: Dang! I knew there was SOMETHING I was forgetting!
JESUS: Looks like there's a power struggle going on down there.
JOSEPH SMITH: Yeah; there was always SOMEone who wanted the power that I held - especially over the LADIES - wink wink.
JESUS: No need to worry about that now; remember what my friend Matthew wrote down?
JOSEPH SMITH: This? “At the resurrection people will neither marry nor be given in marriage; they will be like the angels in heaven” (Matthew 22:30)
JESUS: That's it.
JOSEPH SMITH: I thought that was mistranslated.
JESUS: Nah - it was right.
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh well; it was fun while it lasted. My buds will still get it on with the girls.
JESUS: Uh; I'm sorry; in just a few more years; your followers will cavein to the United States government and abandon the 'Eternal Covenant' that you came up with.
JOSEPH SMITH: ME!? YOU are the one that told me to do that!
JESUS: Sorry; but you must have mistranslated what I told you. What part of Do NOT commit ADULTERY did you not understand?
JOSEPH SMITH: mumble....
JESUS: What did you say?
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh, nothing.
JESUS: Well; it was interesting talking to you; but now I must get back to perparing a place for those who believe in Me.
JOSEPH SMITH: Oh, yeah; the Celestial Kingdom.
JESUS: No...
JOSEPH SMITH: The Telestial one?
JESUS: Nope.
JOSEPH SMITH: SUREly not the TERRESTRIAL one!!
JESUS: Nope. Didn't you read that the mind of man had NOT conceived of it? Paul wrote it down in 1 Corinthians 2:9.
JOSEPH SMITH: I thought that was mistranslated.
JESUS: No; it wasn't.
JOSEPH SMITH: You SURE?
JESUS: Yes. Now I must be going: what did you say your name was again?
JOSEPH SMITH: Joseph Smith.
JESUS: Hmmmm. According to my Heavenly FAITHbook, you didn't sign in as one of my friends - sorry, I never knew you.
JOSEPH SMITH: But....
Who was Joseph Smith? A servant of God called to restore the church of Jesus Christ to the earth.
When I read about these “Shakers”, I didn’t realize that these kinds of “religions” must have been part of the scenario back then, it really makes one wonder what the “social malaisse” was like back then.
lol
Didn't do him much good; as there are only alledgedly about two folks that were produced by his many wives...
Norm; are you going to CONTINUE to ignore/dismiss the FACTS that are being presented in this thread?
Much like today’s, I’d venture to say!
You said the Army was involved in your father’s marriage, and you equated being in the Army and using one of the various Chaplains from different religions and denominations available to you, with being a member of the Masons and participating in their ceremonies.
Oh, no. When someone speaks from the grave, it screws up technology. Everyone knows that!
I just wish I could get “view partial source” to work... :)
Well, his Book of Mormon was "tall-taled" in his 23rd year...and it included a prohibition vs. polygamy (Book of Jacob in the BoM)...but just beyond his 24th bday he changed course when a 16 yo housekeeper came into his home.
"Fanny" became Smith's "first extra wife" in 1831.
All it took was a teeny-bopper hanging around the house to change this 24 yo's mind about how religious power could lead to extra sex...And by the time he was in his 30s he greatly accelerated this new access to sex with a lot of different women...even 11 women who is till remained married to their original husbands!
“I just wish I could get “view partial source” to work... :)
I told you. The underworld really screws up technology!
“Who was Joseph Smith? A servant of God called to restore the church of Jesus Christ to the earth.”
Restore? What?
False Gospel
False Christ
False Heavenly Mother God
False Spirit Children
Fake Magic Underwear
False Gods
False Eternal Marriage
False Sealings
False Celestial Polygamy
False Temples
And on and on.
Norm, none of that is or ever was in Holy Scripture. It is not “restored”, but added.
Some mighty big assumptions/presumptions here, Norm:
That Jesus Christ couldn't keep His Church from going AWOL, yet I've seen at least 20 quotations from recent/current Lds leaders promising that God would never let "His" (Lds) church go astray.
Norm, that's outright inconsistent/hypocrisy.
How? These Lds leaders claim with 100% certainty that God would NEVER allow a Joseph Smith jumpstarted church to go astray; yet the Mormon god would allow a Jesus Christ started church to go AWOL.
Just another example of...
...how Mormons regard Smith trumping Christ...
...how Mormon leaders apply a promise to Smith's spiritual disciples...
...yet fail to apply the same safe-keeping to Jesus Christ despite Christ's promises in Matthew 16:18 and Ephesians 3:21.
Therefore, Norm...Mormons have to also assume that Jesus and Paul -- per Matthew 16:18 and Eph. 3:21 -- are false prophets.
That is no position that Mormondom should be placing anybody in!
What cracks me up is that they’ve laid the cornerstone for the New Jeruselem in Independence, Mo...
Um... I think they’d better check those dimensions again...
And Emma said, "WHAT!!!???
|
THE
DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS SECTION 132
51–57, Emma Smith is counseled (commanded) to be faithful and true; 58–66, Laws governing the plurality of wives are set forth.
51 Verily, I say unto you: A commandment I give unto mine handmaid, Emma Smith, your wife, whom I have given unto you, that she stay herself and partake not of that which I commanded you to offer unto her; for I did it, saith the Lord, to aprove you all, as I did Abraham, and that I might require an offering at your hand, by covenant and sacrifice.
52 And let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, areceive all those that have been given unto my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure before me; and those who are not pure, and have said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God.
53 For I am the Lord thy God, and ye shall obey my voice; and I give unto my servant Joseph that he shall be made ruler over many things; for he hath been afaithful over a few things, and from henceforth I will strengthen him.
55 But if she will not abide this commandment, then shall my servant Joseph do all things for her, even as he hath said; and I will bless him and multiply him and give unto him an ahundredfold in this world, of fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, houses and lands, wives and children, and crowns of beternal lives in the eternal worlds.
|
And Emma said, "WHAT!!!???
Polygamy: How it all got Started
Joe: Hey Emma! Guess what!?
Emma: You KNOW I hate these guessing games! What is it, Dear?
Joe: I heard a voice, probably the Lord, tell me I must take other wives.
Emma: WHAT!? You ding bat! Don't you KNOW what our precious BOOK says? After all; YOU are the one that translated it!
Joe: Books; schmooks. All I know is I've been COMMANDED to take other wives and you are to OBEY ME!!!
Emma: "Though shalt NOT commit ADULTERY!!!"
Joe: Silly Woman! You KNOW better than to take things out of CONTEXT!!!
...and the rest is HISTORY...
THE BOOK OF JACOB
THE BROTHER OF NEPHI CHAPTER 2
24 Behold, David and Solomon truly had many wives and concubines, which thing was abominable before me, saith the Lord.
25 Wherefore, thus saith the Lord, I have led this people forth out of the land of Jerusalem, by the power of mine arm, that I might raise up unto me a righteous branch from the fruit of the loins of Joseph.
26 Wherefore, I the Lord God will not suffer that this people shall do like unto them of old.
27 Wherefore, my brethren, hear me, and hearken to the word of the Lord: For there shall not any man among you have save it be one wife; and concubines he shall have none;
28 For I, the Lord God, delight in the chastity of women. And whoredoms are an abomination before me; thus saith the Lord of Hosts.
29 Wherefore, this people shall keep my commandments, saith the Lord of Hosts, or cursed be the land for their sakes.
30 For if I will, saith the Lord of Hosts, raise up seed unto me, I will command my people; otherwise they shall hearken unto these things.
31 For behold, I, the Lord, have seen the sorrow, and heard the mourning of the daughters of my people in the land of Jerusalem, yea, and in all the lands of my people, because of the wickedness and abominations of their husbands.
32 And I will not suffer, saith the Lord of Hosts, that the cries of the fair daughters of this people, which I have led out of the land of Jerusalem, shall come up unto me against the men of my people, saith the Lord of Hosts.
Or even HERE:
1 Timothy 3:2-3
2. Now the overseer must be above reproach, the husband of but one wife, temperate, self-controlled, respectable, hospitable, able to teach,
3. not given to drunkenness, not violent but gentle, not quarrelsome, not a lover of money.
1 Timothy 3:12
A deacon must be the husband of but one wife and must manage his children and his household well.
Titus 1:6
An elder must be blameless, the husband of but one wife, a man whose children believe and are not open to the charge of being wild and disobedient.
Emma: That's IT! I'm LEAVING your sorry *!!!
Can't you EVER get straight what GOD tells you???
Doctrines and Covenants 49:16 Wherefore, it is lawful that he should have one awife, and they twain shall be bone flesh, and all this that the cearth might answer the end of its creation;
Joe: DARN you Emma; you were TOLD to accept this!! Wait!!! I hear a voice again!!!
THE
DOCTRINE AND COVENANTS
OF THE CHURCH OF JESUS CHRIST OF LATTER-DAY SAINTS SECTION 132
51–57, Emma Smith is counseled (commanded) to be faithful and true; 58–66, Laws governing the plurality of wives are set forth.
51 Verily, I say unto you: A commandment I give unto mine handmaid, Emma Smith, your wife, whom I have given unto you, that she stay herself and partake not of that which I commanded you to offer unto her; for I did it, saith the Lord, to aprove you all, as I did Abraham, and that I might require an offering at your hand, by covenant and sacrifice.
52 And let mine handmaid, Emma Smith, areceive all those that have been given unto my servant Joseph, and who are virtuous and pure before me; and those who are not pure, and have said they were pure, shall be destroyed, saith the Lord God.
53 For I am the Lord thy God, and ye shall obey my voice; and I give unto my servant Joseph that he shall be made ruler over many things; for he hath been afaithful over a few things, and from henceforth I will strengthen him.
55 But if she will not abide this commandment, then shall my servant Joseph do all things for her, even as he hath said; and I will bless him and multiply him and give unto him an ahundredfold in this world, of fathers and mothers, brothers and sisters, houses and lands, wives and children, and crowns of beternal lives in the eternal worlds.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.
