Confusion Reigns
In the momentary quiet in the wake of the departing bombers, the incongruous sound of a San Francisco radio station playing popular jazz came over a radio set. The lull was brief. Enemy fighters now rolled in to complete the destruction. The lone B-18 drew the attention of Zeros, which strafed it and exploded some of its bombs. H Battery of the 515th Coast Artillery (anti-aircraft) let loose with its automatic 37mms. Air-cooled .30-calibers and water-cooled .50-calibers from a platoon of M Battery, 60th Coast Artillery (anti-aircraft), rattled away at the planes. Local air corps machine guns also engaged the Japanese. The combined fire brought down two Zeros.
Aircraft in the Philippines, December 1941: Boeing P-26A
A low-flying Japanese pilot, his canopy open and his white scarf blowing in the wind, roared over the Americans and waved at them. The pilot of another plane took special interest in a ditch full of airmen. Omar L. McGuire could see the pilot's hands at the controls as he banked the plane sharply after each dive. "It gave me a strange sensation to be looking into the man's helmeted and goggled face while he was looking into my ditch," McGuire recalled.
A hapless P-35 flying low to the ground drew the fire of hundreds of trigger-happy Americans. Rifles, pistols and machine guns set up a terrible din. Next, an American observation plane came into sight. Although the pilot waggled his wings, flashed his running lights and did everything he could to show he was friendly, his reward was to have every armed man on the ground fire at him as furiously as possible. As the stricken plane sank lower, the observer bailed out. The roar of small-arms fire increased as the men on the ground concentrated on the parachute and sent 12 bullets into the observer.
The Japanese bomber fleet had divided north of Manila, and 27 aircraft had gone after army installations at Nichols. The remaining 54 bombers flew in magnificent V-shaped formations toward Manila. It was a beautifully clear tropical day, and the silver planes sparkled and flashed in the sun like minnows in a pond. Near the city, the Japanese split once more, this time into two 27-plane formations. One half went after shipping in Manila Bay while the second half lined up on the navy yard at Cavite.
Cavite
Single-engine floatplanes and larger flying boats raced in every direction across the bay in a rush to get airborne. Submarines hastily abandoned their mooring places at buoys and tenders, sprinted outside the harbor's breakwater and submerged.
The Japanese were not terribly successful in their anti-shipping efforts. They might have misidentified Maréchal Joffre as an aircraft carrier or large warship. They went after her but missed. The misses, however, put a bomb forward of the bridge on the 5,343-ton steamer Sagoland, set her afire and sank her. Fragments from a bomb that exploded 50 meters away lightly damaged the tanker Gertrude Kellog.
Americans around Manila watched the Japanese arrive. One of the observers was Admiral Thomas C. Hart, commander of the U.S. Asiatic Fleet, who would have a clear view of the destruction of his fleet base. He was disgusted at the absence of Army fighter protection, the very protection he had assumed MacArthur's air force would provide.
Aircraft in the Philippines, December 1941: Martin B-10B
The Navy used Cavite chiefly for refueling and light repair. The base was packed with offices, residences, foundries, machine shops, aircraft repair shops, boat shops, parachute rigger lifts, lumber yards, ammunition depots and numerous warehouses. Normally inhabited by fewer than 2,000 civilians, Cavite had grown to 5,000 workers when the war started.
AA Gunners Prepare
Marine Corps anti-aircraft gunners outside the yard received word to man their nine 3-inch guns at 1100. The Japanese came into sight at about 1210. The air raid siren atop the yard's powerhouse began wailing to warn those in the yard and to prevent workers who had left for lunch from returning.
Japanese aircraft attack Cavite Navy Yard, near Manila, on December 10, 1941, in a painting by Japanese artist Chosei Miwa.
Private R. Jackson Scott, a young Marine who had left high school at age 16 to join the Corps, was serving as a second loader on a 3-inch gun as he watched the ghostly white planes come in at about 20,000 feet. To him, it was an unreal sight.
The 27 enemy planes circled Cavite slowly and deliberately as they formed over Manila Bay for the attack. They split into three groups of nine planes each, then headed for the north side of the yard. What looked like phonograph needles began falling, twinkling in the sunlight. They soon sounded like coal rattling through a metal chute. One string of bombs hit the water and lifted a line of huge geysers. The first attack -- the breathtaking explosions and the novelty of it all -- drove the anti-aircraft gunners to ground. They reluctantly got up and manned their guns when a second wave of nine planes drifted in.
Nailed To The Mast
Gun crews fired when the planes came into range. Private Scott passed the 25-pound shells to the first loader, who never looked back. He just moved his hands back, received the projectile, swung it forward, dropped it into the breech and pushed it home with his right arm. The sharp crack of 3-inch guns followed, one after the other. The sustained rate of fire for a 3-inch gun was 12 rounds per minute, one every five seconds. The crew of Scott's gun managed a rate of one round every three seconds for a solid hour, just short of the gun's maximum rate of fire.
Death and destruction left in the wake of the Japanese bombing of the Cavite Navy Yard on December 10, 1941.
Exploding anti-aircraft shells spread little clouds that gave the gunners a sense of accomplishment. "We're right on 'em. We're right on 'em, but we're hittin' below 'em. Use some longer fuses!" yelled the height finders. The 21-second fuses, the longest available, still detonated the shells below the Japanese bombers. Even less effective were sailors firing pistols, rifles and machine guns. A civilian worker in Cavite watched the shells explode well short of the planes and exclaimed, "By God, we're going to be nailed to the mast!"
Aircraft in the Philippines, December 1941: Boeing B-17D
Well-trained Japanese pilots and bombardiers had a perfect target in Cavite, a small island only 50 acres in area that was connected to a small peninsula by a 200-yard-long causeway. The Japanese dropped their bombs into Cavite in a strike nearly as good as the first day's attack on Clark. Almost every bomb fell within the Navy Yard.
Ships
The first string of bombs straddled the 6,750-ton USS Otus, a former Lykes liner undergoing conversion to a submarine tender. Bombs that landed in the shallow sea threw up geysers of water topped with mud and smoke. Engaged in taking on torpedoes, Otus backed away from the wharf unscratched, but left behind the torpedoes she had come to pick up.
Direct hit! Two bombs strike Sea Lion (SS-195) almost simultaneously. First U.S. submarine casualty of the war, she went down in the shambles of Cavite - was later raised from the shallows off Machina wharf and sunk in Manila Bay to prevent capture. Sea Dragon (SS-194) (shown at right) narrowly escaped the blast.
Two submarines were nestled at Machina wharf, Sealion and Seadragon, tied up next to the minesweeper Bittern. The old, 840-ton Bittern caught fire. Sealion's engines had been dismantled for an overhaul, so she had no chance to run. She took a direct bomb hit aft of the conning tower and a second that smashed through the main ballast tank and pressure hull and exploded in the engine room. The second bomb killed four sailors, put a starboard list on the boat, and sank her halfway by the stern.
Seadragon's overhaul had been rushed to completion with the exception of dozens of cans of paint that were still on the boat's wood-slat deck. A blast next to her damaged Seadragon, and the paint cans caught fire. When the torpedo repair shop ashore was hit, pieces of metal scythed across Cavite. Air flasks and torpedo warheads exploded and caused even more damage to the ships. The paint shop blew up and splattered burning paint over the yard's wooden buildings; all were extremely dry and burned easily. A barge holding torpedoes was hit, capsized and rolled the torpedoes into the water.
The skipper of the ex-minesweeper -- now tender -- Pigeon had kept steam up and pulled away from the burning Sealion. Sailors on Pigeon tossed a towline to Seadragon and pulled her to safety. The first two waves of bombers did not hit the destroyer Peary, which had been undergoing repairs, but the third wave straddled her. Bombs hit the central wharf, and fell into the water alongside Peary. One bomb hit the fire-control platform on the destroyer's main mast and ignited small fires the length of the ship. The minesweeper Whippoorwill towed her clear.
Another Pass
The planes swung in for another pass. This time they scoured the east side of the base. Violent explosions blew blackout covers off windows, shattered glass and vigorously shook buildings. Many of the yard's buildings were light, modern and constructed of wood. They offered no protection at all.
Once the first 27 bombers finished their work, another 27 -- those that had struck at shipping -- came in and finished unloading their bombs. The Japanese scored direct hits on the yard's power plant, dispensary, torpedo repair shop, supply office and warehouses, the signal station, commissary, receiving station, barracks and officers' quarters. For two hours, maybe longer, the bombers passed steadily back and forth above Cavite, taking great pains to ensure that their aim was accurate.
Stray bombs hit the densely populated, centuries-old town of Cavite, which was jammed right up against the navy yard. Rather than dropping to the ground during the attack, people ran wildly in a blind search for nonexistent safety. One bomb penetrated the roof of the provincial governor's office, exploded in a prison cell on the bottom floor and killed a jailer and several prisoners. More than 100 civilians were killed at the provincial building and the plaza alone.
After the bombing ceased, Japanese fighters came in low and strafed anything they could see through the thick smoke. Zeros blew one PBY out of the sky above Laguna de Bay and sent a ball of flaming debris into the lake. They forced another flying boat onto Manila Bay in a crash landing, but lost one of their own nimble fighters to the .30-caliber machine gun in the PBY's bow.
Attack Over
Then the attack ended. The flight home for Japanese pilots was nerve-wracking because weather over Formosa had deteriorated since the morning. By dusk, when the planes were due back, the ceiling was down to between 300 and 450 feet. Aside from one Zero that crash-landed just off the coast, the fighters were able to make forced landings on Koshun Field at the south tip of Formosa. The bombers also got in safely. During debriefings, Japanese pilots claimed 104 U.S. planes destroyed, 43 from aerial combat. Bomber pilots claimed two submarines, two destroyers, two small transports and three other ships. Despite those inflated claims, there was no doubt that they had inflicted serious damage on Cavite. In addition to Masaharu Higa, Petty Officers 2nd Class Tamotsu Kojima and Kiyoharu Iezuka of the 3rd Kokutai failed to return. Sixteen other Zeros sustained hits but made it home.
Aircraft in the Philippines, December 1941: Republic P-35
Americans at Cavite tried to sort out the confusion after the Japanese had cleared the area. Because the dispensary had been destroyed, Navy corpsmen set up an aid station in the Marine guard shack near the main gate, where doctors established a 70-bed facility. Able-bodied men directed walking wounded through the wreckage to the guard shack and carried those too seriously wounded to walk. Many of the victims suffered from bad burns.
Stretcher bearers carried casualties between rows of beds until they found one containing a dead man. They then removed the body and placed the new patient on the same bloody sheets. The dead were carried out and placed next to the base exchange. Medical personnel grabbed trucks, cars and horse-drawn carriages to take the injured to nearby Cañacao Naval Hospital, to Manila, or to barrios outside Cavite. Volunteers canvassed local civilian drugstores and commandeered all the surgical dressings and drugs they could carry. Men involved in the rescue work began vomiting. Thinking it a was reaction to the smell of the torn and burned bodies, they put on their gas masks -- only to vomit again. A PT-boat shuttled seriously wounded men to the piers at Cañacao. Within two hours the hospital was filled and corpsmen told the less seriously wounded they would have to go somewhere else. Drivers trucked bodies and parts of bodies to Manila's air-conditioned Jai Alai Fonton Pavilion and stacked them wherever there was room.
Clear The Way
Sailors fought scores of roaring fires through the heat of the 90-degree day, but they could not keep water pressure in the hoses. Exploding 500-pound torpedo warheads and alcohol fires drove the firefighters back. They tried to save the burning machine shops, but whenever they made any headway against the lubricant-fueled fires, the strong winds shifted and routed them.
Invasion of the Philippines
December 10, 1941 - May 3, 1942
Naval officers at the Commandancia, a beautiful example of the best in Spanish architecture, hurried in and out of the war plans office as they evacuated classified papers. Firefighters pumped water from Manila Bay in an attempt to slow the approaching fire, but soon the Commandancia was also ablaze. Fires were so intense by 1530 that searchers abandoned their efforts to locate people trapped in the debris. A half hour later they began yelling, "The admiral says clear the yard." The fight to stay the flames was abandoned.
Additional Sources: www.fourthmarinesband.com
www.history.navy.mil
www.mississippi.net
history.acusd.edu
www.navsource.org
www.ibiblio.org
www.grunts.net
www.brooksart.com
www.onwar.com
www.west.net
On This Day In History
Birthdates which occurred on July 29:
1758 Antonius van Gils, Dutch RC theologist (opposed Enlightenment)
1805 Alexis de Tocqueville France, statesman/writer (Democracy in America)
1817 - James Blair Steedman, Major General (Union volunteers), died in 1883
1820 Clement Laird Vallandigham, MC (Union), died in 1871
1828 Cuvier Grover, Bvt Major General (Union Army), died in 1885
1830 Alvan Cullem Gillem, Major General (Union volunteers), died in 1875
1861 Alica Hathaway Lee Roosevelt 1st wife of Theodore Roosevelt
1869 Booth Tarkington US, novelist (17, Magnificent Ambersons)
1871 [Gregory Efimovich] Rasputin the mad Russian monk
1878 Don Marquis Ill, journalist/poet (archy & mehitabel)
1883 Benito Mussolini [Il Duce], Fascist Italian dictator (1922-43)
1887 Sigmund Romberg Nagykanizsa Hungary, operetta composer (Blossom Time)
1892 William Powell actor (Thin Man, My Man Godfrey)
1898 Isidor Isaac Rabi Poland, physicist (explored atom-Nobel-1944)
1905 Clara Bow silent screen actress (It, Saturday Night Kid)
1905 Dag Hammarskjold 2nd UN Secretary-General (1953-61) (Nobel 1961)
1907 Melvin Belli Sonora Calif, lawyer, SF's "King of Torts"
1913 Stephen McNally NYC, actor (Split Second, 30 Seconds over Tokyo)
1914 "Professor Irwin Corey comedian (Car Wash)
1924 Robert Horton LA Calif, actor (Kings Row, Wagon Train, Arena)
1930 Paul Taylor dancer & choreographer (Paul Taylor Dance Company)
1932 Nancy Kassebaum (Sen-R-Ks)
1933 Robert Fuller Troy NY, actor (Laramie, Wagon Train)
1936 Elizabeth Dole US Secretary of Transportation (1983-87)
1938 Peter Jennings Toronto Canada, news anchor (ABC Evening News)
1941 David Warner Manchester NH, actor (Holocaust)
1953 Geddy Lee lead singer (Rush-Tom Sawyer)
1972 Wil Wheaton actor (Star Trek Next Generation-Wesley, Stand By Me)
1981 Jennie Thompson, Wichita Falls TX, gymnast (Jr Natl-champ-93, Oly-96)
Deaths which occurred on July 29:
1030 King Olav Haraldsson of Norway, dies in battle of Stiklestad
1099 Urban II, [Odo van Lagery], French Pope (1088-99), dies
1164 King Olaf of Norway, dies
1794 Seventy of Robespierre's followers guillotined
1890 Vincent Van Gogh, painter, died of a self-inflicted gunshot wound in Auvers, France.
1900 Umberto I Italian king assassinated by anarchist Gaetano Bresci
1960 Richard Simon cofounder of Simon & Shuster, dies
1974 Cass Elliot singer of Mamas & Papas chokes to death at 30 in London
1975 James B. Blish, sci-fi author (Star Trek Reader), dies at 54
1979 Herbert Marcuse, philosopher (Eros and Civilization), dies at 81
1983 David Niven actor (Guns of Navarone), dies in Switzerland at 73
1983 Raymond Massey actor, dies of pneumonia in Beverly Hills, Calif at 86
1984 Fred Waring orch leader (Fred Waring Show), dies at 84
1988 Ellin Berlin (MacKay) Mrs Irving Berlin, dies at 86
1994 Francisco Veguillas, Spanish general, murdered at 68
1994 John Bayard Britton, abortion doctor, killed by Paul Hill
Reported: MISSING in ACTION
1965 BROWN EDWARD D. JR. CHARLOTTE NC.
[KIA IN CRASH REMAINS DESTROYED]
1965 WEATHERBY JACK WILTON FORT WORTH TX.
[REMAINS RETURNED BY HANOI(NOT HIM???) REMAINS RETURNED 08/23/78]
1966 BOSSIO GALILEO F. DEER PARK WA.
1966 CAMERON VIRGIL KING MC ALLEN TX.
[SURVIVAL UNLIKELY REMAINS IDENTIFIED 08/06/99]
1966 CHIARELLO VINCENT A. NEW YORK NY
[POSS DIED IN CRASH REMAINS RETURNED 03/02/88]
1966 CONKLIN BERNARD STONEY POINT NY.
[DEAD REMAINS RETURNED 03/02/88]
1966 DI TOMMASO ROBERT J. BUFFALO NY.
1966 HALL JAMES S. GREENSBORO NC.
[REMAINS RETURNED 03/02/88]
1966 HOSKINSON ROBERT E. MORO OR.
1966 LAWS DELMER L. MINERAL POINT MO.
1966 MAMIYA JOHN II WAHIAWA HI.
[REMAINS RETURNED 03/02/88]
1966 SMITH HERBERT E. APPALACHICOLA FL.
[DEAD / RETURNED 03/88]
1967 BENNEFELD STEVEN HENRY GIRARD KS.
1967 JOHNSON RICHARD HERMAN WOLCOTT NY.
1968 AUXIER JERRY E. DIXIE WV.
1972 KULA JAMES D. MANCHESTER NH.
[03/29/73 RELEASED BY DRV, ALIVE IN 98]
1972 MATSUI MELVIN K. HILO HI.
[03/29/73 RELEASED BY DRV]
POW / MIA Data & Bios supplied by
the P.O.W. NETWORK. Skidmore, MO. USA.
On this day...
0362 Emperor Julianus of Constantinople ends education laws
1014 Battle of Strumitsa-valley: Byzantine destroys Bulgarian armies
1565 Mary Queen of Scots marries her cousin, Henry Stuart, Lord Darnley
1588 Attacking Spanish Armada defeated & scattered by English defenders
1603 Bartholomew Gilbert is killed in Virginia by Indians, during a search for the missing Roanoke colonists.
1676 Nathaniel Bacon declared a rebel for assembling frontiersmen to protect settlers from Indians
1715 10 Spanish treasure galleons sunk off Florida coast by hurricane
1751 1st international world title prize fight-Jack Stack of England,beats challenger M Petit of France in 29 mins in England
1773 1st schoolhouse west of Allegheny Mtns completed, Schoenbrunn, OH
1786 1st newspaper published west of Alleghenies, Pitts Gazette
1835 1st sugar plantation in Hawaii begins
1844 New York Yacht Club forms
1851 A De Gasparis discovers asteroid #15 Eunomia
1858 1st commercial treaty between US & Japan signed
1858 US citizens allowed to live anywhere in Japan
1862 Confederate spy Marie Isabella "Belle" Boyd is captured
1864 3rd and last day of battle at Deep Bottom Run, Virginia
1864 Battle of Macon, GA (Stoneman's Raid)
1874 Major Walter Copton Wingfield patents a portable tennis court
1899 1st motorcycle race, Manhattan Beach, NY
1899 Southern Calif Golf Assn formed
1914 1st transcontinental phone link made between NYC & SF
1914 Austrian-Hungary bombs Belgrade
1914 Russia mobilize troops along Austrian boundary
1915 Pirate Honus Wagner at 41, hits a grand slam HR
1920 1st transcontinental airmail flight from NY to SF
1920 Mexican rebel Pancho Villa surrenders
1921 Adolf Hitler becomes the president of the Nationalist Socialist German Workers' Party (Nazis).
1927 1st iron lung installed (Bellevue hospital, NY)
1928 Walt Disney's "Steamboat Willie" is released (Mickey Mouse)
1930 115ø F (46ø C), Holly Springs, Mississippi (state record)
1936 RCA shows the 1st real TV program (dancing, film on locomotives, Bonwit Teller fashion show & monologue from Tobacco Road & comedy)
1937 C Jackson discovers asteroid #1431 Luanda
1937 Japanese troops occupies Peking and Tientsin
1938 Comic strip "Dennis the Menace," 1st appears
1938 Olympic National Park established
1945 After delivering the Atomic Bomb across the Pacific, the cruiser USS Indianapolis is torpedoed and sunk by a Japanese submarine
1947 Gas leak explodes in a beauty parlor, 10 women die in Harrisonburg Va
1948 King George VI opens 14th modern Olympic games in London
1952 1st nonstop transpacific flight by a jet
1953 US bombers shot down at north of Wladiwostok
1957 International Atomic Energy Agency established by UN
1957 Jack Paar's Tonight show premiers
1958 Pres Eisenhower signs NASA & Space Act of 1958
1961 Phillies lose 1st of 23 straight games
1961 Wallis & Futuna Islands become a French overseas territory
1965 Beatles movie "Help" premiers, Queen Elizabeth attends
1965 Gemini 5 returned after 12d 7h 11m 53s
1965 Major league record 26 strikeouts, Phillies (16), Pirates (10)
1967 Explosion & Fire aboard carrier USS Forrestal in Gulf of Tonkin kills 134, $100 million in damage
1968 Mount Arenal, Costa Rica kills 80 in Pelee-type eruption
1968 Pope Paul VI reaffirms stand against artificial birth control
1969 Mariner 6 begins transmitting far-encounter photos of Mars
1970 6 days of race rioting in Hartford Ct
1973 Greek plebiscite chooses republic over monarchy
1974 2nd impeachment vote against Nixon by the House Judiciary Committee
1974 St Louis Card Lou Brock steals his 700th base
1975 Ford became 1st US pres to visit Nazi concentration camp Auschwitz
1978 Penny Dean swims English Channel in record 7h40m
1978 Pioneer 11 transmits images of Saturn & its rings
1981 Prince Charles of England weds Lady Diana Spencer
1983 Steve Garvey ends his NL record 1,207 consecutive game streak
1984 Summer Olympics opens in LA
1985 19th Space Shuttle Mission (51-F)-Challenger 8-launched
1986 NY jury rules NFL violated antitrust laws, awards USFL $1 in damages
1987 Ben & Jerry's & Jerry Garcia agree on a new flavor Cherry Garcia
1988 FDIC bails out 1st Republic Bank, Dallas, with $4 billion
1988 Gorbachev pushes plan electing president & parliament in March, 1989
1988 Judge orders NASA to release unedited tape from Challenger cockpit
1988 Last US Playboy Club (Lansing Mich) closes
1988 South African govt bans anti-apartheid film "Cry Freedom"
1989 Vince Coleman, record streak stopped at 50 straight stolen bases
1990 Boston Red Sox set major league record with 12 doubles in a game
1991 Donald Trump gives Marla Maples a 7+ carat engagement ring
1991 The Federal Reserve sought a $200 million penalty against BCCI for violating U.S. banking laws. It was the largest fine in the Federal Reserve's history.
1992 Former Secretary of Defense Clark Clifford and his law partner, Robert Altman, were indicted on charges of lying about their roles in the BCCI bank scandal.
1992 Former East German leader Erich Honecker was arrested on his return to his homeland and charged with manslaughter
1993 Walter Koenig (Checkov-Star Trek) suffers a mild heart attack
1993 Israeli Court of Appeal overturns (5-0) conviction of John Demjaujuk, saying not enough evidence he is Concentration Camp Ivan the Terrible
1994 200,000 Moslems demand death to feminist Taslima Nasrin
1999 A federal judge in Little Rock, Ark., fined President Clinton $89,000 for lying about his relationship with
former White House intern Monica Lewinsky in his deposition in the Paula Jones sexual harassment case.
Holidays
Note: Some Holidays are only applicable on a given "day of the week"
Norway : Olsok Eve Festival (1030)
Gilroy, California : Garlic Festival ( Friday )
National Eye Exam Month
Religious Observances
Ang, Luth : Comm of Mary & Martha (Lazarus' sister) of Bethany
Luth : Commemoration of Olaf, King of Norway, martyr
Religious History
1775 The U.S. Army Chaplaincy was founded, making it the second oldest branch of thatservice, after the Infantry.
1776 Pioneer Methodist bishop Francis Asbury remarked in his journal: 'My present modeof conduct is...to read about 100 pages a day; usually to pray in public five times aday.... If it were in my power, I would do a thousand times as much for such a gracious andblessed Master.'
1866 Birth of Thomas O. Chisholm, American Methodist pastor, teacher, editor and poet.Of the 1,200 sacred verses he penned, one later became the popular hymn: 'Great Is ThyFaithfulness.'
1905 Birth of Dag Hammarskjold, Swedish diplomat and Secretary-General of the U.N.(1953-61). His spiritual journal 'Markings' was published in 1964, three years after his untimely death in a plane crash.
1974 The first eleven women priests in the Episcopal Church were ordained inPhiladelphia's Church of the Advocate.
Source: William D. Blake. ALMANAC OF THE CHRISTIAN CHURCH. Minneapolis: Bethany House, 1987.
Thought for the day :
"This will remain the land of the free only so long as it is the home of the brave."
Things To Do If You Ever Became An Evil Overlord...
After you capture the hero's superweapon, DO NOT immediately disband your legions and relax your guard because you believe whoever holds the weapon is unstoppable. After all, the hero held the weapon and you took it from him.
Letters To God From The Dog...
Dear God,
If we come back as humans, is that good, or bad?
Dumb Laws...
Tennessee:
You can't shoot any game other than whales from a moving automobile.
How To Annoy Osama bin Laden If You're Invited To A Dinner Party At His Secret Afghan Lair...
Explain that America is a land of freedom and opportunity, filled with people of every race, religion, and background, including millions of women strong enough to knock the crap out of him.