We'll Duh - This thread is about strategies, advice, insight, general theories as well as anecdotal information about the successes and failures of freepers. To all of those out there feeling picked at, criticized or slandered ... please give yourself a break. No ill will is intended by the advice givers. As I tell my kids - if the shoe don't fit - don't wear it, but don't lash out at the messenger for offering advice that doesn't fit your stuation.
The first several years of my marriage, it never occured to my husband that taking care of my needs would have anything to do with the bedroom - sex was for him and hugs/footrubs/roses/slow dances were for me. He needed to learn that sex should be as satisfying for me as it was for him. Note - that doesn't mean every "O" for him means that I must have one too - just that I deserved one when I wanted one as much as he deserved one when he wanted one. What it takes to satisfy me is different than what it takes to satisfy him. (I never said they were equal). It is his attutude that he considers my satisfaction as much as he considers his owen that makes me chase him. I am eager to initiate becasue my needs will be taken care of too. It also gives me a better sense of generosity to tell him yes (and then not just lie there like a dead alligator!) when I am not in the mood and he is. Knowing that there is give and take makes me happier to give. He had to learn that making it better for me also made it better for him.
We have a friend who used to proudly boast that his wife gets his paycheck and he gets sex - which was all he needed. This comment was always irrutating to me, so even though I am not his wife, I asked him one time after he said it if that meant that he and his wife had a john- prostitute relationship, because if that was the case, he shouldn't be making her do housework becasue prostitutes didn't have any other duties - they got to take the money and run when the sex was over. He got a little flustered and a little embarassed and apologetically said that it was just a joke - he was never implying that his wife was nothing more than a concubine that did chores. Most women would think he was a sexist pig for the paycheck/sex remark. Some (not all) men don't say this out loud, but they treat their wives as if sex was their reward rather than a mutual two-participant expression of their bondedness. Our culture at large certainly doesn't promote this viewpoint. Yes, more mature men have likey learned this wisdom along the way.
Some women don't care to utilize the bedroom - they either have a genuine health disorder or believe too much propaganda from the wrong group. (NOW considers marriage legalized rape through some twisted reasoning - I obviously disagree with them vhemenantly!) She is choosing to lose out herself if she won't try. Likewise he is losing out if he won't try. (Don't wear that shoe if it doesn't fit!)
Just because it worked for me doesn't put me in the majority and just becasue it doesnt work for you doesn't put you in the majority. The outcome of the population at large determines whether it is the exception or the rule. Very few women that I know of express complete disdain for sex, so I think that group of women is small compared to the group of "normal" women. I believe that the potential rewards make it worth a try.