If you've "accepted" JC and his ministry, you could not want such a thing. You cannot simultaneously long to be both with God and separated from him forever.
If you go through life murdering people; and if you have one of these conversion experiences which involve accepting Jesus Christ; and if you get up off your lazy ass and actually read about his ministry; and if, in your reading, you stumble across the sentence Verily I say unto you, Inasmuch as ye have done it unto one of the least of these my brethren, ye have done it unto me; and if you take your trinitarianism seriously; then it ought to dawn on you that you have spent your whole life murdering God himself; at which point, if you really love God as much as you claim, then it seems to me natural to desire that you, yourself, who have spent your entire life murdering God, be punished for your actions.