BUBBA CLINTON: A Bloated Irrelevancy

Drudge Report - A VIEW FROM HERE ^ | 10/16/01 | Deb Weiss

[Liz]

On top of all the other things I'm obliged to fret about nowadays -- anthrax in my morning mail, suitcase nukes, real pestilence and real plague -- now I find I must worry about Bill Clinton, too.

In case you've forgotten, he was the president of the United States, before and after one Mr. Bush or another. He had all sorts of clever nicknames, hatched and poll-tested for him by whole squadrons of political operatives -- "The Comeback Kid," "The Man from Hope," each sobriquet an eerie blend of Capra and Kafka.

He was cozy with a lot of folks in the press and Academe and Hollywood, and he became famous for having a kind of sex in the Oval Office, although according to official testimony under oath he was pretty sure it wasn't really sex at all.

According to a nice young woman named Meryl Gordon (I feel sure she must be a nice young woman, although, on the other hand, I could be utterly wrong on all counts), writing for "New York Metro," the former president is practically beside himself with angst because he finds that he is out of power at the very moment when events have conspired to create the conditions for greatness.

Like Marlon Brando in "On the Waterfront," he coulda been a contender, if only -- if only. (Instead, alas, like Marlon Brando in real life, he finds himself reduced to a bloated irrelevancy.)

Think of the frustration: it must be an especially fiendish kind of torture. What with Americans dead by the thousands, and the nation at war, and mysterious packets of toxins popping up all over the place, and the nation locked in an ominous waiting game, and despite his own best efforts to thrust himself front and center, he really doesn't matter in the least. Not even a little bit. Not even at all.

It is his own pain Mr. Clinton feels now, most deeply and most acutely. He has been robbed -- he seems so sure of this -- of the opportunity to demonstrate his brilliant grasp, his diplomatic genius, his healing touch, his inspired leadership (all those things he never had a chance to flourish before an admiring world during his eight years of unblemished peace and prosperity, from Waco to the Camp David meltdown, from Somalia to the USS Cole).

Poor man. It's an opportunity he is touchingly certain should have been his. It belonged to him by rights, and not to some Texas yokel who's never even been to a Renaissance Weekend or enjoyed an overnight with Barbra Streisand or been hailed as a sex object by left-feminist reporterettes.

According to Ms. Gordon, "The World Trade Center attacks have catapulted the former president -- who was just starting to mellow out and revel in his post-Oval Office life as a New Yorker, senatorial spouse, and money-making private citizen -- into the unfamiliar and frustrating role of action figure in search of action."

The passion of this action figure is tinged with gall, Ms. Gordon notes, with endearing sympathy. "Interviews with nearly a dozen Clinton confidants reveal a man struggling to find a way to be useful and worrying that his peace-and-prosperity presidency will be recast as a footnote to the Bush-family dynasty," she writes, adding, with an almost-audible sigh, "Right after the attacks, Clinton admitted to a friend that he wished, for the first time, to be back in the White House. And he couldn't resist bitterly telling an ally that if the FBI had spent as much time chasing terrorists as it had investigating his behavior, perhaps things would have played out differently."

Mind you, there's a sweet kind of forgetting, in that. (I suppose we must forgive him, though.) The Executive Branch rules the Justice Department, after all, just as the former president -- in theory, at least -- ruled his own appetites. There's a cornucopia of obvious retorts to Mr. Clinton's implication that the FBI robbed him of his Really Big Chance.

Still, it seems excessive (indeed almost cruel) to confront such a man, at such a moment, with anything so blunt and cold as a matter of fact. Here's a curiosity. After eight years of experiencing revulsion and alarm and an often-strident anger at this strange presidential stick-figure, this bizarre combination of noise, and shadow, and lethal vanity, I suddenly feel mostly pity. Weariness and pity.

This is a man who gazes on the corpses of his fellow-beings, his fellow-citizens -- thousands upon thousands of them -- and thinks of how miraculous it would have been, this cosmic horror, this flaring-up of the fires of Hell, if only it had happened in time for him.

This is a man who sees blood and terror and grief and war's devastation merely as a kind of glossy theatrical backdrop, dragged out by the clumsy stagehands of History too late to ornament his turn before the footlights.

This is a soul so small God Himself cannot perceive it without a magnifying glass.

[SamAdams76]

Dead on.

And you just know that it is eating up Clinton that he wasn't in office for something like this.

[Liz]

Odds are I'm more conservative then you are.

Balderdash. You're like a lot of so-called conservatives on FR lately, disguised
as conservatives. They dress like conservatives but they don't know the "right" moves.

You're conservative? Go ahead. I dare you. Outline for us, please, your conservative idealogy.

I'll decide whether you are a "true" conservative or not, but so far you don't qualify.

[Terry Mross]

Whoever wrote this should be hired by Fox News today!

[Liz]

And you just know that it is eating up Clinton that he
wasn't in office for something like this.

Know what? That kinda makes me feel all warm and cuddly inside....
knowing he's eating his evil heart out over this.

[ravinson]

In case you've forgotten, he was the president of the United States, before and after one Mr. Bush or another.

In memorium:

From "Bill Clinton - Vast Bubba Cons"
(parody of "Bob Dylan - At Budokan"):

I WON A FEW
(parody of Bob Dylan's "I Want You")

This guilty scummy rapist sighs,
I own the whores who blind your eyes,
Though several hacks here by my throne,
Say I can’t seduce you.
I back my shills and that wash-out Gore,
Who blow into my space each morn',
But I’m not ashamed,
To have dropped my drawers or to lose a few.
Cause I won a few, I won a few,
I won a few, too bad.
Ain’t it funny that I won a few.

This punch-drunk politician leaps,
Onto his feet when soccer moms weep,
I'm their savior though I’m quite a creep,
When I make the news.
And I hate when someone interrupts,
Me takin' bribes and bein' corrupt.
To ask me to,
Quit tryin’ to perpetrate my ruse.
But I won a few, I won a few,
I won a few, too bad.
Ain’t it funny that I won a few.

Now all my partners, they've gone down,
And some have been indicted.
But if they were fodder for Starr's hounds,
I just don't worry about it.

Then I turned to save the KLA,
At a cost of just 100 million a day,
You know that I am not afraid,
To duck and swerve.
But damned AlGore’s no good to me,
I hate it when he dumped on me.
I ‘spose that he’s now up a creek,
‘Cause I’m such a Mad Hatter.
But I won a few, I won a few,
I won a few, too bad,
Ain’t it funny that I won a few.

RealAudio sound clips at FreeSpeechRecords.com.

Available on Amazon.com

[Liz]

And you are right. Clinton was never in the Oval office enough to do the nation's serious business, he was too intent on getting his sexual perversions satisfied in his washroom and in his hallway. Clinton was media invented... a dud as a human being and as a president....his media friends are liars when they pretend he wasn't.

Amen. Amen. Amen.

[Pat Fish]

I simply cannot let this post pass by without a comment though there's nothing else needed. All that needs to be said about this pathetic man is in the article.

I spend so many of my days and nights reminding folks who defended this cretin how awful he turned out to be and how those who wanted him REMOVED from office were right.

Then he goes and exits his presidency, pardoning every two-bit hood and some very rich ones, either for the benefit of his wife's election of money for his legacy...the infamous "library" which his own state doesn't even want in their back yard.

And I'm happy! God forgive me....I am SOOOOO happy. I'm happy he's gone. I'm happy he left in such a shabby manner. I'm happy that, dear Lord and now I know that God really DOES bless America, the man is NOT our President now. I cannot imagine such a thing.

And I'm happy he's miserable and I'm happy that everyone with any decency, including those that lauded him, shuffle their feet nervously and change the subject.

Hey, Willie J...you pathetic excuse for an American, much less a President.....you really DO have a legacy.

IF nothing else Bubba, you can always serve as a bad example.

God Bless America and President Bush.

[Liz]

Nice graphic.

[Cobra64]

Mr. Clinton's implication that the FBI robbed him of his Really Big Chance...
His "Big Chance" is in his Pants; when he starts making porno flicks with Left Coast friends in Hollywood.

[sam I am]

I agree with your every word in post# 29. clinton can remember this " Of all the sad words of tongue or pen the saddest are these I<>it might have beenitaliazed tex</>" =^)

[sam I am]

I agree with your every word in post# 29. clinton can remember this " Of all the sad words of tongue or pen the saddest are these it might have been" =^)

[looscannon]

I started to add to the discussion, but you're saying everything I'd say, so have it. I'll just read for awhile.

I was just about to say what a good writer you are.

LOL! Perhaps I have SOME talent. But I think you are the real writer in the family.

[Liz]

As a FReeper wrote months ago,
"I despised him then.
I despise him now.
I will despise him until he dies.
And then I will despise his memory."

Immortal words for the the conniving Clintons....should be engraved on their tombstones.

[Liz]

I was just about to say what a good writer you are.
Perhaps I have SOME talent. But I think you are the real writer in the family.

You are VERY talented. So there.

[Quilla]

Deb Weiss wrote it. Her articles appear through a link on the Drudge Report every Tuesday. You should check out some of her other articles in her archive - all good stuff!

[f.Christian]

THIS JUST IN: the current hostilities have finally given Bill Clinton a chance at immortality. He is now the only President to dodge the draft in two wars. Consistently, he is the only American President... entitled to wear both The Islamic Distinguished Flying Carpet Ribbon and the Chinese Congressional Medal of Treason.

[Liz]

Mr. Clinton's implication that the FBI robbed him of his Really Big Chance...
His "Big Chance" is in his Pants; when he starts making
porno flicks with Left Coast friends in Hollywood.

ROTFLMCO. Now that's funny. Trying to think up movie titles he could star in
with his "Big Chance." Be fun to do on a separate thread.

Let's see, how about:
" The Longest....." oops.
" A Pocketful of .....(censored)."
"Down and Out in Beverly Hills."

[prognostigaator]

"It is his own pain Mr. Clinton feels now, most deeply and most acutely. He has been robbed -- he seems so sure of this -- of the opportunity to demonstrate his brilliant grasp, his diplomatic genius, his healing touch, his inspired leadership (all those things he never had a chance to flourish before an admiring world during his eight years of unblemished peace and prosperity, from Waco to the Camp David meltdown, from Somalia to the USS Cole). "

All politics is local...

And Harlem loves the first black president...And the rest of the indicted and convicted criminals that he pardoned..

A dollar here , a dollar there, and pretty soon it is all Bill & Hillary Clinton's pockets, grifters that they are..

[Liz]

....current hostilities have finally given Bill Clinton a chance at immortality. He is now the only President to dodge the draft in two wars.....he is the only American President... entitled to wear both The Islamic Distinguished Flying Carpet Ribbon and the Chinese Congressional Medal of Treason.

ROTFLMCO. Let's go pin them on him now.