Republicans Responsible for American Obesity, Claims Al Gore
The fact that an increasing number of Americans are overweight is not their fault, says Vice President, Al Gore.
"The Republicans would have you believe that you are responsible for your own weight gain!" he bellowed very slowly, before an Overeaters Anonymous convention. "But it is their policies that have caused Americans to gain weight."
It is Gore’s contention that lead from bullets, which drop to the ground after firing, has increased the mass of the earth. "The right wing lunatics in this country fire an estimated 2 million bullets per day. Lead is very, very heavy. This increase in the earth's mass enhances gravity’s pull and makes each one of you weigh more than you should!" The audience cheered wildly.
Interviews conducted by the dessert table after the speech, showed that most members of the audience ate the speech up. "I’ve always blamed myself for my obesity. Now I find out that the Republicans are responsible," mumbled Greta Heffer, through a mouthful of Yodels. "They’re despicable."
Scientists initially denounced the concept as completely absurd. However, when the Vice President announced the establishment of $2 billion in government grants to study the phenomena, 1200 scientists immediately signed a petition agreeing to the theory’s validity.
I had to check well first to make sure this didn't come from the Onion.
Still not sure.
If Al Gore said this, it has to disqualify him from any job which requires education past the third grade.
Stupidity should be a punishable crime.
LMFAO!!! That's so excellent, dude...