The New Normal: Singleness in America

BreakPoint ^ | 11 Dec 03 | Chuck Colson

[Lazamataz]

stable family existence

Seriously, I'd like to have this.

[najida]

Yeah,
Seems we have similar stories to some extent...

My issue is now at this point in my life (stable finances, my house in progress, a circle of close friends, beyond childrearing years, and being extremely set in my ways) I honestly can not think of a good reason to marry (other than regular sex and someone to reach stuff on the top shelf).

[Vidi_Vici_Vinnny]

Blacks in the south during the 1950's got better treatment than men do today in "family" court.

Gonna jump down, Turn aroun', pay da alimony.
Gonna jump down, turn aroun, pay da chile support!
Oh Eliza, no mo' visitation!
Oh Eliza, gotta go ta court!

[cajungirl]

The notion that women opt not to work, not to do housework and not to have children and not to have sex and live off the fat of a man's paycheck then divorce him and get half his assets is rooted in an old culture of marriage, actually not even representative of that old culture, back in the fifties. Most women who marry in this country don't expect any of that,,the ones I know are working, having children, having sex and trying to keep their houses clean. Woman as parasitic in marriage is pretty rare from what I see. My personal response to the poster was in response to his demeaning women comments including likening a woman to a pig,,you want a thoughtful response to that claptrap, dream on. He got what he deserved.

[MEGoody]

{"If it's tougher to get out people may make better choices going in."

Yep. And once they get in, they'll have to actually work at it, not just cut and run as soon as things get a little dicey.

[Texan5]

My ex tried to get temporary support from me too, because he got laid off before the divorce was final!

[Mr. Jeeves]

It's a Baskin Robbins world of women out there - every size, shape, color, behaviour just waiting to be sampled.

Out where? I think I'm stuck in the broccoli aisle...

[CajunConservative]

The covenant marriage license requires pre marital counseling before a license is issued. It's not mandatory by any means but it is an option for those who do take their wedding vows very seriously. There are means of getting out for those who need that. There is no clause for irreconcilable differences though. There's at least a 3 day wait here. I agree that it should take longer to get married than what it is now. I think most churches have pre marital counseling for those wishing to marry in church.

I knew someone in Arkansas who met someone, married her and divorced her in less than 2 months. That's crazy, dumb and stupid.

[Gabz]

(other than regular sex and someone to reach stuff on the top shelf).

Regular sex? what's that..........we've got a 5yo...........

And I'm nearly as tall as he is, so I can reach the top shelf myself!!!

But all kidding aside.......everyone's situation is different, even if there are some similarites, which is why all the woman bashing that goes on in these threads drives me nuts.

If some of these mysoginists would sit back and look beyond their hatred they would see they are part of the problem. For generations women were expected to stay home and keep the house and family. then when hubby decided to go through male menopause or midlife crisis and dump her - she had nothing because he had always controlled everything. Over the years the courts and laws have evolved in an effort to right some of the past wrongs. while I agree that in many cases they do go overboard in punishing men, there is an historical background to why the courts seem to favor the woman.

I'm not saying it is right and that there aren't some women who abuse the system, but by and large that is the exception rather than the rule.

[CajunConservative]

There's at least a 3 day wait here.

I meant to say a three day wait for the regular license.

[Hodar]

Woman as parasitic in marriage is pretty rare from what I see.

I have no data on how many married women are parasites; but I do have the facts that the law is flat-out biased in favor of women; without regard to the reasons for divorce. The article stated that people are not getting married, and I offered several reasons why. Among them is that the law allows (thereby encourages) women to be parasites.

Now, you may not know of any examples of this; but I do. But examples are simply our 'versions' of what happened between a couple to cause the divorce, and there are 2 sides to that story. And the truth is that outsiders will never 'really' know the true causes.

My beef is with the law that effectively makes man a piece of property that may be owned, have liens placed against, and used without redress, recourse or fair representation. As I previously stated, a wife can get the most expensive laywer her husband's income can afford; he can get what ever is left over. Either way, he will pay for both attorneys at the end of the day. The wife will walk away with the house, kids, car and a portion of his retirement, his savings and in some states, a lien against whatever he earns for the rest of his life. If that isn't legally santioned slavery, what is? Then, women wonder why men are not hesitant to sign their lives away to a lifetime of marriage/slavery.

[Centurion2000]

Bump .... interesting ....been burned but still going to do it again if I find the right one.

Have kids ... they are going to be the ones that pick your retirement home ... or would you prefer the government to do that for you ?

[Texan5]

Here in Texas, you do not get a bigger share of community assets if you did not contribute. I got more because I had proof that he had illegally disposed of community assets to engage in an adulterous relationship and secret property purchases. My husband, in his divorce from his first wife got custody of his children, and his wife, who made more money was ordered to pay child support. She never did, and my husband never forced the issue, even though I encouraged him to. I realize it was a matter of pride to him, but she should have been made to pay.

[Gabz]

Not only did my lawyer laugh at that request, so did his own lawyer!!!!!!

the other reason he had claimed I would never leave him was that I would never be able to get anywhere in the area we lived without his name and connections behind me........LOL - it was my name (maiden) and my connections that got him a job shortly after I left him!!!!

[CajunConservative]

For generations women were expected to stay home and keep the house and family. then when hubby decided to go through male menopause or midlife crisis and dump her - she had nothing because he had always controlled everything. Over the years the courts and laws have evolved in an effort to right some of the past wrongs. while I agree that in many cases they do go overboard in punishing men, there is an historical background to why the courts seem to favor the woman.

I'm not saying it is right and that there aren't some women who abuse the system, but by and large that is the exception rather than the rule.

Thanks for making this point.

[Texan5]

I felt the way you do for some time, too. Turned out the right man had been there under my nose for years, and he finally called my attention to it. I hope it happens for you, too...

[Gabz]

Did it ever occur to you that the laws, as you describe them, are the fault of men?

There was a time when women, who were expected to stay home and when hubby got bored would dump her and get everything leaving the poor woman with nothing.

[Texan5]

Amen to your comments about the reason for the present court system.

[Gabz]

To me it is just plain common sense.

I have female friends that have been burned by the system, just as I have male friends who have been burned by the system.

[Hodar]

There was a time when women, who were expected to stay home and when hubby got bored would dump her and get everything leaving the poor woman with nothing.

Those times were unfair, in that a woman had little choice but put up with life or be homeless and penniless. But, now the law is in 'retaliation mode' against men who have done nothing wrong. Men today did not commit these sins, and are not capable of spinning time backwards to rectify the past transgressions. However, we are being punished today. So, what is the only avenue left open to men? Avoid the system whenever possible. And men are doing exactly that.