Posted on 06/05/2004 10:16:56 PM PDT by carlo3b
bump for later
1. AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) adj. Possessing the ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your toes.
2. CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) n. The act of, when vacuuming, running over a string or a piece of lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the vacuum one more chance.
3. DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') v. To sterilize the piece of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it, assuming this will somehow `remove' all the germs.
4. ELBONICS (el bon' iks) n. The actions of two people maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.
5. FRUST (frust) n. The small line of debris that refuses to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person across the room until he finally decides to give up and sweep it under the rug.
6. LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) n. Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.
7. PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') n. The waiter at a fancy restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around asking diners if they want ground pepper.
8. PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) n. The affliction of dialing a phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as they answer.
9. PUPKUS (pup' kus) n. The moist residue left on a window after a dog presses its nose to it.
10.TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) n. The act of always letting the phone ring at least twice before you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.
Top Ten Movies Playing In Afghanistan and More!
10. "Sleepless In Jalalabad"
9. "Throw Osama From The Train"
8. "Pretty Woman And Her Brutal Death By Stoning"
7. "Singing In The Reign Of Terror"
6. "There's Something About Christiane Amanpour"
5. "Riding In Cars With Boys Is Forbidden"
4. "Seven Brides For One Brother"
3. "When Harry Met A Veiled Woman He Assumed Was Sally"
2. "Osama, Where Art Thou?"
1. "Glitter"
11. Bridge Over the River's Gone.
2001: A Base Odyssey
2001: A Taliban Odyssey
20,000 leagues under the mountain
2000BC
A Streetcar Named Repress Your Desire
"A Mullah and a Gentleman"
A Streetcar Named Oblivion
Arsenic and Old Anthrax
"All in the Fatwah"
"All Beheadings Considered"
A Rumor of Retreat
All Dancing is Dirty Dancing!
All About Ibrahim
"Ali's Quiet on the Khyber Pass"
All's quiet on the Khyber Pass
Afghanistan Burning
A Hard Day's Carpet Bombing
Along Came a Spy Plane
Afghanistan Burning
An American in i sharif
A Camel Under the Influence
Apocalypse Now
All dying on the western front
Al Qaeda on the Western Front
"A Farewell to Arm"
Batman re-runs
"Buffy, The Yankee Imperialist Dog Slayer"
Bridge on the river Khyber
"Bin Laden in the Attic by 72 Virgins and Now I'm Tuckered Out"
Being There, The Sequel: Not Being There Anymore
Body Heat Sensors
Bring Me the Head of OBL
Back to the Torture
Bin Laden on a Hot Tin Roof
"Bloody in the Sand"
Bin hurt
Battlefield Earth
Blown Up in 60 Seconds
Bent and stumpy
"Cave Improvement"
"Cave by Cave" (compare to "Room by Room")
"Children Are Forbidden From Saying The Darndest Things"
"Camel-Week"(weekly vehicle review)
"Cave Improvements"
Camel Driver
Close Encounters of the Rumsfeld Kind
Crouching Mullah, Hidden'sama
Casablamo
Citizen Caned
Cat on a Hot Mud Roof
Dances not Permitted with Wolves;
Das Burkha
"DEAD MEN WALKING" or
"DEAD MEN RUNNING"
Dude, Where's My Cave?
Dude, Where's My Camel?
"Documentary: Gray Davis", how to tell the difference between power outages caused by incompetence and carpet bombing...
"Dead Mullahs Society"
Die in Lard.
Dead Muslims Society
"Documentary: Beatdown", best ways to make females grovel.
"Dodge-Bomb"
"Dr. StrangeLove", or How I learned to stop worrying and love the Taliban's view on sex
"Driving Miss Daisy Cutter"
Death Space Nine
Dances with goats
Desert Trek --- The Wrath of Khan
Dropping Mrs Daisy Cutter
Erin Burqa Witch
Enslaving Private Ryan
EC (= Emergency Country)
Fatima Foop
F-16's Flew Over Bin Laden's Nest
Full Metal Turbin
Force Ten from Crawford
From Russia With Love
"Flying Camelnecks"
Fist full of Burkhas
For a few Rupees more
"Feetwatch"
"Friends", starring Bill & Hillary, Yasser, Saddam, and cameos by Mommahdar K.
Francis the Talking Mullah
Field of Screams
Gone With the Wind
Guess who's coming to win here
How Beige was my Valley
"Helen Keller: My ideal Woman, by Osama Bin Laden"
Honey I Shrunk the Kid Goats!
Hairy Plotter
Harry Potter, Stoned for Being a Wizard
Heaven's Gate
"How the West Won"
Indiana Jones and the Fast crusade
I know what you did last Jihad!
I STILL Know what you did last Jihad!
"I remember Osama"
It's a Wonderful Death
I dream of TV
It's a Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad, Mad Mullah
Indiana Jones and Another Crusade of Infidels
"I STILL Know What You Did Last Ramadan"
Just Bomb Me
Journey to the Center of the Earth
"Last of the Mohamads"
Liar Liar
Long Day's Journey into Pakistan
Last Year at Jalalabad
Last of the Taliban
Monday Night Footless Ball
Mutiny for the $5,000,000 Bounty
Mullah Abdulla's Laboratory
My Favorite Wives
Miss Saigon but Hit Kabul
Mourning Becomes Everyone
"Mullah Salami Meets Howard's End [a CNN original]"
My Blue Burqa
Men in Burqas
Meet Osama Doe!
"My Twenty-three Sons"
"Mashed to Pieces Theater"
"MATMAN"
"Married, With Camels"
"Mad At You"
"Married with Harem"
"Mohammed Gump"
My Best Friend's Stoning
Men in Burqas
More Than One Flew Over The Cuckoo's Cave
Mazar-i-Sharif Poppins
My Scared Lady
Muhhamad Atef - The Right Stiff
No Sound of Music
National Geographic Explorer special "The Caves of Bin Laden, starring Geraldo Rivera"
"No Left Foot"
No Futurama
"No-witness News
"Never on Sunday, Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday or Saturday"
Ordinary Sheep-pals
One Red Burqa
"Osama's Cave World, starring Geraldo Rivera" on Public Access TV channel 39.
Oh, Allah!
Oh, Allah! - Book 2
Popeye the Taliban
Pulp Faction
Power Puff Planes
Poke the man
Pure Hell for Osama
Planet of Dirty Terrorists Who Smell Like Apes
Planes, Helicopters, and Cruise Missiles
"Pretty Goat"
Rapidly, Last Ramadan
Raging kabul
Reservoir Goats
"Returning Glass to Sand"
Run Silent, Run Deep (in those caves!)
Rats
Riding in Cars with Bombs
Radiation Burn treatment tips by the Weather Channel
Silence of the Goats
Scent of a Burka
"Sand Grit"
"Send Me No B-52s"
Silence of the Goats
Sands of Khyber Pass
Suddenly Last Summary Execution
Survivor (Plot twist: You WANT to be voted out!)
Saturday Night Hemorrhagic Fever
"Seven B-52's for Seven Mullahs"
The Postman Always asks for Cipro Twice
The Bombed Out Bridges of Madison County
The Usual Suspects
The Fast and the Furious Retreat
The Sound of Rocket-Propelled Grenade Launchers
The Xed-Files
THE EMPIRE STRIKES BACK
The Phantom Menace
The Smelly, The Bad, and THe Ugly
The Dead Suicidal Patriot
The Preacher's Wife will be tried for Apostasy
THe Quiet man can be made to scream
the death of a nation
The Goats of Wrath
The Fugitive
The Discreet Charm of the AC-130
The Incredible Shortness of Being
The Guns of Kabul
The Fighting Bin-Ladens
The Seven Camel Jockeys
"THE X-FATWAS"
"The Invisible Men"
"The Liars Clubbed"
"The Texas Boxcutter Massacre"
"The Price is Right If Osama Says It's Right"
"The Taliban's Wackiest Public Execution Bloopers"
The Perfect Storm Trooper
The Unbearable Heaviness of Bombing
the silence of the afgans
The king and I are in Exile
That Twelfth Century Show
The Flight-school Graduate
The Grinch Who Stole Ramadan
Tombs of Internment
Take Me To Kabul (Abdul)
Three Days of the Kandahar
Terminator B52: Judgement Day
Terrorist, Interrupted
This is Multiple Spinal Fracture
"To Catch a Terrorist"
Terminator B52: Judgement Day
"The Odd Couple", starring Bill and Hillary.
"To Kill a Mocking Kurd"
"Taliban Girl: How to Take a Beating"
"Taliban Boy: Pointers from Gary Condit"
Terms of Entombment
Three Men and a Camel
"Touched by A Mullah", from Black and Blue Productions.
"Thank God It's Ramadan"
"Tombstones"
"The Bin Laden Bunch"
"Two Guys, a Girl, and a Fatwah"
The Adventures of Burhanuddin Rabbani Across The 8th Dimension
They died with their burkha's on
"Veilwatch"
Veronica's Closet Full of Long, Black, Shapeless Dresses"
"Weekend at Osama's"
Who Wants to Be a Suicide Terrorist?
"Wheel of Fortune and Terror
Whose Cave is it Anyway?
"Welcome Back, Osama"
You are Pressed into the Army Now;
Yellow Submarine Cruise Missile Launch
"You've got Anthrax in the Mail"
Kabul TV
8:00 "Captain Kandahar"
9:00 "The Saudi Duty Show"
9:30 "Talibantubbies"
10:00 "Afghan Rugrats"
10:30 "My Mullah the Car Bomber"
11:00 "The Flying Nut"
11:30 "The Flintstonings"
12:00 "Jee-Hawd"
1:00 "The Sunni and Sheik Comedy Hour"
2:00 "Bazooka"
3:00 "The Veiled, Veiled East"
4:00 "Teenage Ninja Muslim Turbans"
4:30 "Anthrax Roadshow"
5:30 "The PJs" (with Peter Jennings)
6:00 "Sixty Virgins"
7:00 "Torched by an Avenging Angel"
8:00 "Everybody Loves Ramadan"
8:30 "The Drew Carriers Show"
9:00 "Enemies"
9:30 "Not Landing"
10:30 "The Merry Traitor Maher Show"
TODAY'S BEST BET:
2:00 "Bazooka" Eastern. The Cartridges have to deal with crack British and American forces that have invaded the Ponderosama. Starring Lerne Meene as Bin Cartridge, Bernhell Roberts as Atom, Damn Blockade as Camm, Michael Laden as Little Jihad, and Victor Die Yung as Hop Plane.
You are Pressed into the Army Now;
Everybody Loves Ramadan
Dawsons Dry river bed
Xena-phobic
Power-Puff Planes
Who Wants to Get the Hell Out of Here
Jalalabad R.F.D
"I'll give you two mules for your sister Sara"
They Bombed by Night
Judgement at Kandahar
Dubya's Inferno
Who's Afraid of Osama?
Some Like It REAL Hot
Gentlemen Prefer Burqa's
All About Abdullah
On a Clear Day You Can See Uzbekistan
Terms of Surrender
My Favorite Wives
Citizen Caned
Mazar-i-Sharif Poppins
Mutiny for the $5,000,000 Bounty
The Postman Always asks for Cipro Twice
Muslims, Inc.
Dying With Boys On Camels
Rangers in the Night
Clean your carpets with "carpet bombing"
Praying for birds to fall on US troops.
Feeding 50,000 fleeing Taliban.
How to rebuild with stones.
Toyota trucks for sale.
Killing our Muslim brothers in a Jihad for Allah.
Take Me To Kabul (Abdul)
Desert Trek --- The Wrath of Khan
Blown Up in 60 Seconds
Indiana Jones and Another Crusade of Infidels
The Fast and the Furious Retreat
No Futurama
Just Bomb Me
Death Space Nine
That Twelfth Century Show
Who Wants to Be a Suicide Terrorist?
Monday Night Footless Ball
The Sound of Rocket-Propelled Grenade Launchers
Force Ten from Crawford
The Goats of Wrath
The Fugitive
Crouching Mullah, Hidden'sama
20,000 leagues under the mountain
Fri Jun 4, 7:37 PM ET HILLSBOROUGH, N.C. - Police are searching for a man who was naked when he picked up his fast food order this week at a drive-through window.
The customer at Bojangles restaurant was described as a hairy, big-bellied man in his 30s with short curly black hair that was receding on the top of his head. He picked up an order at the window Monday morning.
"He conducted his business at the drive-through wearing no clothing and he had to open his door to receive whatever they were passing out the drive-through window," said Capt. Ross Frederick of the Hillsborough Police Department.
This is the first time police have been called about him, but the man has patronized the restaurant before. On those occasions, he wore only his underwear or perhaps shorts that may resemble underwear, Frederick said.
1. Are you an "affirmative action hire", by any chance?
BUENOS AIRES, Argentina (Reuters) - A hungry Argentine thief forced his way into a home on Friday to steal clothes and appliances -- before sitting at the dinner table to demand the captive family cook him a proper meal.
"He ordered a steak and fried eggs. Afterward, he pulled the telephone out and tied the family up," said the porter from the building in a posh neighborhood of Buenos Aires.
The thief then escaped
EEOC?? EEOC IS BS!!!
"I know you may think you know what I said, but I'm not sure that you realize that what you think I said is not really what I meant."
Police in Wichita, Kansas, arrested a 22-year-old man at an airport hotel after he tried to pass two (counterfeit) $16 bills.
Two men tried to pull the front off a cash machine by running a chain from the machine to the bumper of their pickup truck. Instead of pulling the front panel off the machine, though, they pulled the bumper off their truck.
Scared, they left the scene and drove home. With the chain still attached to the machine. With their bumper still attached to the chain. With their vehicle's license plate still attached to the bumper.
A German "tourist," supposedly on a golf holiday, showed at customs with his golf bag. While making idle chatter about golf, the customs official realized that the tourist did not know what a "handicap" is. The customs official asked the tourist to demonstrate his swing, which he did--backward! Narcotics were found in the golf bag.
A company called "Guns For Hire" stages gunfights for Western movies, etc. One day, they received a call from a 47-year-old woman, who wanted to have her husband killed. She got 4-1/2 years in jail.
A man convicted of robbery worked out a deal to pay $9600 in damages rather than serve a prison sentence. For payment, he provided the court a check--a *forged* check. He got 10 years.
A man successfully broke into a bank's basement through a street-level window, cutting himself up pretty badly in the process. He then realized that (1) he could not get to the money from where he was, (2) he could not climb back out the window through which he had entered, and (3) he was bleeding pretty badly. So he located a phone and dialed "911" for help ...
Two men in a pickup truck went to a new-home site to steal a refrigerator. Banging up walls, floors, etc., they snatched a refrigerator from one of the houses, and loaded it onto the pickup. The truck promptly got stuck in the mud, so these brain surgeons decided that the refrigerator was too heavy.
Banging up *more* walls, floors, etc., they put the refrigerator BACK into the house, and returned to the pickup truck, only to realize that they locked the keys in the truck--so they abandoned it.
I needed a funny too...thanks!
A man walked into a 7-11, put a $20 bill on the counter and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the clerk promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled--leaving the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the drawer? Fifteen dollars.
When two service station attendants in Ionia, Michigan, refused to hand over the cash to an intoxicated robber, the man threatened to call the police. They still refused, so the robber called the police and was arrested.
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