Posted on 07/18/2004 11:39:14 AM PDT by dennisw
July 18, 2004 LIVES When One Is Enough By AMY RICHARDS as told to AMY BARRETT
I grew up in a working-class family in Pennsylvania not knowing my father. I have never missed not having him. I firmly believe that, but for much of my life I felt that what I probably would have gained was economic security and with that societal security. Growing up with a single mother, I was always buying into the myth that I was going to be seduced in the back of a pickup truck and become pregnant when I was 16. I had friends when I was in school who were helping to rear nieces and nephews, because their siblings, who were not much older, were having babies. I had friends from all over the class spectrum: I saw the nieces and nephews on the one hand and country-club memberships and station wagons on the other. I felt I was in the middle. I had this fear: What would it take for me to just slip?
Now I'm 34. My boyfriend, Peter, and I have been together three years. I'm old enough to presume that I wasn't going to have an easy time becoming pregnant. I was tired of being on the pill, because it made me moody. Before I went off it, Peter and I talked about what would happen if I became pregnant, and we both agreed that we would have the child.
I found out I was having triplets when I went to my obstetrician. The doctor had just finished telling me I was going to have a low-risk pregnancy. She turned on the sonogram machine. There was a long pause, then she said, ''Are you sure you didn't take fertility drugs?'' I said, ''I'm positive.'' Peter and I were very shocked when she said there were three. ''You know, this changes everything,'' she said. ''You'll have to see a specialist.''
My immediate response was, I cannot have triplets. I was not married; I lived in a five-story walk-up in the East Village; I worked freelance; and I would have to go on bed rest in March. I lecture at colleges, and my biggest months are March and April. I would have to give up my main income for the rest of the year. There was a part of me that was sure I could work around that. But it was a matter of, Do I want to?
I looked at Peter and asked the doctor: ''Is it possible to get rid of one of them? Or two of them?'' The obstetrician wasn't an expert in selective reduction, but she knew that with a shot of potassium chloride you could eliminate one or more.
Having felt physically fine up to this point, I got on the subway afterward, and all of a sudden, I felt ill. I didn't want to eat anything. What I was going through seemed like a very unnatural experience. On the subway, Peter asked, ''Shouldn't we consider having triplets?'' And I had this adverse reaction: ''This is why they say it's the woman's choice, because you think I could just carry triplets. That's easy for you to say, but I'd have to give up my life.'' Not only would I have to be on bed rest at 20 weeks, I wouldn't be able to fly after 15. I was already at eight weeks. When I found out about the triplets, I felt like: It's not the back of a pickup at 16, but now I'm going to have to move to Staten Island. I'll never leave my house because I'll have to care for these children. I'll have to start shopping only at Costco and buying big jars of mayonnaise. Even in my moments of thinking about having three, I don't think that deep down I was ever considering it.
The specialist called me back at 10 p.m. I had just finished watching a Boston Pops concert at Symphony Hall. As everybody burst into applause, I watched my cellphone vibrating, grabbed it and ran into the lobby. He told me that he does a detailed sonogram before doing a selective reduction to see if one fetus appears to be struggling. The procedure involves a shot of potassium chloride to the heart of the fetus. There are a lot more complications when a woman carries multiples. And so, from the doctor's perspective, it's a matter of trying to save the woman this trauma. After I talked to the specialist, I told Peter, ''That's what I'm going to do.'' He replied, ''What we're going to do.'' He respected what I was going through, but at a certain point, he felt that this was a decision we were making. I agreed.
When we saw the specialist, we found out that I was carrying identical twins and a stand alone. My doctors thought the stand alone was three days older. There was something psychologically comforting about that, since I wanted to have just one. Before the procedure, I was focused on relaxing. But Peter was staring at the sonogram screen thinking: Oh, my gosh, there are three heartbeats. I can't believe we're about to make two disappear. The doctor came in, and then Peter was asked to leave. I said, ''Can Peter stay?'' The doctor said no. I know Peter was offended by that.
Two days after the procedure, smells no longer set me off and I no longer wanted to eat nothing but sour-apple gum. I went on to have a pretty seamless pregnancy. But I had a recurring feeling that this was going to come back and haunt me. Was I going to have a stillbirth or miscarry late in my pregnancy?
I had a boy, and everything is fine. But thinking about becoming pregnant again is terrifying. Am I going to have quintuplets? I would do the same thing if I had triplets again, but if I had twins, I would probably have twins. Then again, I don't know.
Rush is talking about this now!
BTTT
This is the article Rush was talking about...
And he read it in its entirety on his program. Good for him!
Richards is certainly in need of prayers. Shame on her!
Right you are, but that would have "put her out" to seek loving, caring childless couples to adopt them. I've got news for that selfish, murdering dame.........ONE child to raise is a hand full.......and she'll soon see that. Wouldn't be suprised if she then seeks someone to adopt him. (Hope she goes sterile).:(
You're right -- nail and tanning salons are a Staten Island-only thing. No girls in Manhattan would ever do such things. (/sarcasm)
There are good girls out there in ALL five boroughs, you've just got to look hard through all the plasticity and stupidity of the rest.
No kidding. So don't be dissing my borough! ;)
I think a big factor for a woman that decides to abort is the fact that people would know that she had been pregnant and would wonder where the baby is if she put it up for adoption. Then she'd have to explain (or get around explaining) that she has put it up for adoption, which must be mortifying for a woman to do. Something like this may have been a factor here. Mizz Richards is not ashamed, however, to tell the whole world that she slaughtered her twins in the womb. She needs our prayers.
This woman probably shed more tears when she broke a nail...that is if she shed any at all for those two babies.
It acutuall raises and important question as to the validity of the story.
If this feminazi was so ho-hum about aborting two babies to protect here leftist college carreer, why didn't she just pop them all? A proper feminist would have protected her job and her recreational sex options not her ability to reproduce.
The story is a fake made up for propaganda purposes.
NYT bites it yet again.
Schools should prohibit the use of the NYT as a reputable source.
Why don't you e-mail her.
askamy@feminist.com
This cuts me to my heart. It's so sad that anyone could be so cruel.
Amy as a real person is Amy Richards, a feminist activist. "Ask Amy" is one of the many hats that I wear, but the best example of the random facts that I carry around in my head, on little scraps of paper, and in overly organized filing cabinets.
It is also the result of endless meetings—meant in only the best sense, i.e. that the end will never be in sight because it just keeps changing form; constant interactions with inspiring and incredible people who don't yet know they are feminists or those who have been feminists longer than I have been alive; my continual excitement of an organization in the South Bronx that trains women to go from welfare to work or a group of men who are working with other men to stop violence against women—and so much more.
When I'm not on-line at two in the morning attempting to sincerely and thoroughly answer each question, I spend my time writing. For instance, I just finished co-authoring (with Jennifer Baumgardner) Manifesta: Young Women Feminism and the Future (here's an excerpt), working as a consulting editor to Ms. Magazine and as a consultant to Gloria Steinem. That's the part that's paid - or what I refer to as my day job. The other part is my involvement with the Third Wave Foundation. Since Third Wave's inception in 1992, I have watched it grow from an organization struggling to find a place within the feminist movement to being one of only a few organizations for young feminists. Today it serves 5000 members nationally —and a few more internationally —through our members meetings, our newsletter, See It? Tell It. Change It!, and our on-line information (www.thirdwavefoundation.org). Additionally, we connect with over 2,000 more young people across the country through local programs. For instance, we grant money to projects that are by, for and about young women between the ages of 15 and 30, and host public education campaigns like I Spy Sexism, Why Vote? and Why Give?
Five years ago Feminist.com was just an idea—today it is an ever expanding information highway for women and people who care about women's issues. Ask Amy began as something I did unofficially as a way to share some of what I learn on a daily basis - today it is doing that in a more organized and hopefully more effective way. Who knows what tomorrow holds, but I hope more of all of the above. —Amy
What cold hearted stupid act. She wanted to avoid bed rest and severe morning sickness and not being able to fly- well then don't have sex honey because all of those things can happen with a singleton pregnancy as well. I know- because I went from a 100% healthy pregnancy to pre-term labor and almost losing my son at 29 weeks gestation.
Shame on her.
feminsit.com is a thribing website for lesbian issues and ugly women who can't find a man.
(who wants to bet she raises her son into a nice homosexual boy.)
Jennifer Baumgardner and Amy Richards
Blondie just might be her girlfriend. They work on projects together.
Oh my......I am speechless.
I wonder aloud to my Lord in Heaven, why he blessed this monster and her milktoast "boyfriend" with 3 children?
I offer to her to take this precious little boy from her, because kids are a lot of trouble, they are a huge pain in the neck for the rest of your lives....but to those of us who love them and appreciate their worth, they are the best kind of pain!
Yes, she needs to get sterilized. The babies father likewise needs to make sure that he does not impregnate anyone else, because he doesn't have the strength it takes to raise any children to adulthood.
Why didn't they just get a cat?
according to PFLAG and GLSEN (and NOW) she should have "relieved" her recreational sex needs with another woman as a means of getting sexual recreation without the danger of pregnancy.
The fact that she did not shows she is not a true feminist.
This is a long thread and I haven't read most of the replies, so I don't know if I'm the only one saying this, but I'd bet money that boyfriend is already thinking about his two murdered children. The doctor knew it too, that's why he asked him to leave the room. It will hit him like a ton of bricks when (if) he has another child and he goes to the ultrasound. Anyway, he will need spiritual counseling and he will dump this woman once he comes to grip with the reality of what has happened.
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