DEF Poetry--The Truth at Last!!

National Review Online ^ | July 23, 2004 | Mark Goldblatt

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

I've caught an episode or two of this "Def Poetry" series.

This crap is even worse than Vogon poetry.

[wideawake]

Most serious white students of black "street culture" blatantly kiss that "street culture"'s behind and accept all its assumptions as gospel.

Goldblatt is, therefore, something very special.

[wasp69]

I had the misfortune of watching about 30 seconds of this show one night. It was pure trash; all the bitching and whining and the down with whitey attitude. I wonder if anyone has bothered to tell these fools who are "keeping it real" that they have managed to go from being illiterate and wearing ill fitting clothes to.... Being illiterate and wearing ill fitting clothes. Then again, if anyone told them, would they even listen?

[bikepacker67]

Oh freddled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me 
As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee. 
Groop I implore thee my foonting turlingdromes. 
And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles, 
Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, 
see if I don't! 
- Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz 

[Tax-chick]

Library list, Mark Goldblatt, "Africa Speaks"

[Tax-chick]

The dead swans lay in the stagnent pool.
They lay. They rotted. They turned
Around occassionally.
Bits of flesh dropped off them from
Time to time.
And sank into the pool's mire.
They also smelt a great deal.

(I think the misspellings really make it work - T-c)

[Petronski]

DEF? I thought for a moment he meant "Deutsche Emailwaren Fabrik."

[Old Sarge]

YEEEAAARRRGGHHHH!!!!

All right, I'll tell you where the Rebel Base is, just STOP!!!!

[PBRSTREETGANG]

Def Comedy Jam was 99% unfunny, so I presume Def Poetry Jam to be 99% unpoetic.

[kevkrom]

Oh freddled gruntbuggly thy micturations are to me / As plurdled gabbleblotchits on a lurgid bee. / Groop I implore thee my foonting turlingdromes. / And hooptiously drangle me with crinkly bindlewurdles, / Or I will rend thee in the gobberwarts with my blurglecruncheon, / see if I don't! - Prostetnic Vogon Jeltz

Actually, I kind of liked it. I thought the metaphysical imagry was quite stunning.

[George Smiley]

"What's all this talk I hear about death poetry?"

...

[zeugma]

This crap is even worse than Vogon poetry.

So, it's bumped Sally's (can't remember her last name) place as the worst poetry in the universe? I'm shocked.

[Defend the Second]

I wonder how many of us are going to get that reference. I thought the same thing: "Something new about Schindler?"

[Made In The USA]

With so many good role models to follow as example, I'll never understand why there is such popularity with the lowest common denominator.

[bikepacker67]

Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings

She's the one that wrote the dead swan poem

[Don Simmons]

WTF????

This has to be a joke, right?

Meaningless drivvle. Completely benign and void of redeeming quality or value.

[Bloody Sam Roberts]

So, it's bumped Sally's (can't remember her last name) place as the worst poetry in the universe? I'm shocked.

"The very worst poetry of all perished along with its creator, Paula Nancy Millstone Jennings of Greenbridge, Essex, England in the destruction of the planet Earth."

[bikepacker67]

This has to be a joke, right?

The "poem" I posted was a joke.

It's from Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy

Ya see there's these Vogons, who are about to destroy the earth to make way for an intergalactic highway (evidently eminent domain extends to extra-terrestrial bureaucracies as well) also fancy themselves poets.

[Paradox]

Anyone remember the spoof of this stuff that Eddie Murphy did on SNL? He played in inmate named Tyrone Green and performed the following poem:

Dark and lonely on a summer's night 
Kill my landlord
Kill my landlord 
Watchdog barking 
Do he bite? 
Kill my landlord 
Kill my landlord 
Slip in his window
Break his neck 
Then his house 
I start to wreck 
Got no reason What the heck 
Kill my Landlord 
Kill my landlord 
C-I-L-L my l a n d l o r d

It was hilarious!