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I'm Soo Screwed
MY WAR: - Fear and Loathing In Iraq ^ | August 10, 2004 | CBFTW

Posted on 08/10/2004 1:27:53 PM PDT by Cannoneer No. 4

I never even knew what a Blog was until I read about them in an article in Time Magazine, about two months ago. I read the article and it mentioned how a lot of the soldiers down in Baghdad were writing about their experiences here in Iraq. After reading the article, I went down to the Internet caf‚, and checked them out, and a majority of them were just pure garbage. In fact nauseating. Its like they were written by armed forces recruiters, "Oh I love the Army, I'm soo glad to be here, oh, the Iraqi's love us, I feel like were doing the right thing" That kinda crap. Nobody was telling it like it is. So I said f**k it, I'm going to do one.

I was at the point in my deployment where the letters from friends and family were getting fewer and far between, and I needed something to combat the extra time and loneliness that being on deployment hits you with when you've been here for awhile. So I though doing a blog might be a fun thing to do, help kill some time.

And it worked, time started flying by once I stated this thing. I had no idea how to write or form a sentence (I still don't) but I figured what the hell, just do it. Like I said before, the Clash didn't know how to play their instruments when they started jamming, they just played, and that was the mindset I had when I started this.

At first I was getting about, 50 hits a day, then 100 hits a day, then a thousand hits a day, then three thousand hits a day, then 5 thousand hits a day. That was like a month ago when I had a counter. (Some reason it disappeared one day) Its scary to think how many hits a day I get now.

Since then, I've received e-mails from people in the Pentagon (saying: Everybody here reads it and loves it here!) a White House aide, a Wall Street Journal Journalist, several well known and lesser known journalists, a lady in Chicago asked if it was OK to do a play based on this blog, College Professors, One Professor who wants to bring up my blog in his class curriculum, Vietnam Vets, Gulf War Vets, WWII Vets, Police Officers, Authors, Literary agents, musicians, A girl in LA that wants to write a screenplay about this blog, a lawyer in DC who thinks my writing is a diamond in the ruff and offered for him and several other lawyers to help me pay for some of my College tuition when I get out, relatives from soldiers, soldiers in all the branches, soldiers in Iraq, lonely women, truck drivers, soccer moms, the list goes on and on.

It was insane the e-mails and responses I got over time. I was also amazed by how many good people were out there. Totally heart warming. And every e-mail I received was telling me how they loved my sh*t and how what I was saying was soo much better then the sh*t the media showing. I was making the war much more real to people by sharing my experiences with them. And they were telling everybody they knew about it. One guy even told me he heard some people discuss about this blog in some pub in Europe.

I had no idea it would get as big as it did, and as fast. I also knew that time was probably ticking on how long I could keep this thing up. What would Hunter S. Thomspson do in a situation like this? He'd probably "Buy the ticket, and take the ride." So I did.

I continued blogging and writing. So today I'm walking back from chow, and my Plt Sgt is outside my door waiting for me and he said, The Col. wants to see you, hurry up and go shave, I'll be back in 15 to take you down there.

My heart sank. Sh*t. I know exactly what this one is about. Its like that feeling you get in high school when you'd f**k up, and they'd call your name over the loud speaker and tell you your presence was needed in the principles office, and you know the police are there in the principle's office waiting for you. Not good.

I stepped inside my room, and my roommate was inside and he said, "Sh*t man! The B.C. was just here looking for you!!" F**k. I'm dead. I felt more scared now then I did on the 5th of Nov. The Battalion Commander AND the Col wants to see me?! All of this reminds me of the classic 80's movie, Pump Up The Volume, where the main character is in high school, and who is kind of a loner, listens to punk and skates, and does that underground radio station, which nobody at his school knows about, and it gets bigger and bigger until finally he gets caught and busted.

Nobody here in my Plt knew of my site till about a week ago. I told a couple close friends. Just last week I had a soldier tell me, yea, I just talked to my aunt, she knows nothing about the internet and she asked me about a "blog" thing that she reads done by a soldier in the Stryker Brigade. A couple days ago at the Internet caf‚, I looked over at the person next to me and he was reading my Blog, totally unaware he was sitting next to the author. So I saw this one coming.

The Full Bird Col. wasn't around so my Plt Sgt walked me down to the BC's office, and all I could think about was latrine duty, being a Pvt again, loss of pay, or worse. When I got to his office I was sweating a lot. I don't think I was sweating from the heat, I was probably sweating more from being freaked the f**k out. My heart was beating at an accelerated rate as well now.

The BC is a pretty intimidating guy, he's like Patton meets Vince Lombardi with a little bit of Knute Rockne. Total hard charger kinda guy. The kinda guy infantrymen love. As I stepped in his office (I scanned the room with my eyes for MP's), he told me to take a seat and I did, nervous as all hell. My Plt Sgt sitting right next to me. He looked at me, offered me a cup of coffee, I declined and then as he walked to his desk he said, "You're pretty well read. I can tell right away that you're a reader."

Now I'm really sh*tting in pants. First off, he knows about my writting, second, I know from numerous experiences and bump ins with Judges, Probation Officers, principles, and police officers how something like this works, they always first start off with a nice compliment, and then they fry your ass.

He said "Youre a big Hunter S Thompson Fan, arnt you?" (pause) I said, "Uhhh, yes Sir." He said, "Me too, but I thought the movie was just pure garbage. Didn't do the book justice."

As I'm sitting there waiting for the guilty death penalty sentence to come out of his mouth, he asked me if I ever read "such and such by such and such." I was soo nervous and had soo many thoughts flying in my head I wasn't even registering what he was saying, I just said, "No sir, heard of him, but never read him." And then he said, "I'll let you borrow a copy of his book sometime, you'll really like him"

Then he sat down behind his desk and on his desk he had a huge file that looked to me to be about as thick as The Rise And Fall Of The Third Reich. With his right arm that had his Ranger Bat. Combat Patch sewn on it, he started turning the pages, I could see the painting of Guernica on the first page as he flipped through it, and every single page had something I wrote highlighted in bright florescent yellow ink and a bunch of weird forms attatched to it and a bunch of papers. I could feel the sweat dripping down my face.

He calmly looked up and told me that my sh*t was really good, and he liked reading my stuff, and that I was a good writer. He even mentioned something about including it in the units history and archives.

That didn't relieve me one bit, like I said, it made me more freaked out. I'm waiting for him to say the word: "BUT" followed by my punishment. Then we discussed things, and he pointed things out, and told me things. I agreed with 100% of everything he was saying, and the final conclusion from what he told me was that I could continue writing, but maybe have my Plt Sgt read my stuff before I post. He stressed that he didn't want to censor me and that I still had the freedom of speech thing, as long as I wasn't doing anything that would endanger the mission.

I totally 110% agree with him on that one. I thanked him and I told him that I of course would not want to do anything that would endanger anybody here or back home, which is of course true. He suggested that I should look into getting this stuff published and made into a book someday.

Finally I walked out of his office, with a feeling that I had just dodged a full mag of AK47 bullets. I went back to my room, and my roommate was waiting for me all wide eyed and said "Well, what did he want?!?!?! What Happened?!?! You busted?!" I told him all about what happened. And then I said, "Well, the positive thing is that, at least he knows who I am now." And he looked at me and said, "That could be a good thing, or a bad thing."

This might be my last entry, I haven't decided yet to end this, or continue this. I don't know what to make of all this yet.

"These words I write to keep me from total madness."

-Charles Bukowski


TOPICS: Extended News; Foreign Affairs; US: California; US: Washington; War on Terror
KEYWORDS: 3rdbde2id; arrowheadbde; cbftw; mosul; sbct; stryker; strykerbde; wheeledarmor
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To: Physicist

It's only my opinion...but after reading the excerpt you posted, I still say he doesn't take a clear stand on whether or not he actually supports the war.

From the blog:

"The soldiers I know who are voting for Bush are voting for him because they support him 110% on his Global War On Terrorism, and there is no shadow of a doubt that we did the right thing coming to Iraq. They feel Bush is doing a great job so far out here. A lot of the guys remember what happened to the military the last time a Democrat was in office. The guys I know who served in the military during the Clinton years, tell me all sorts of horror stories about the budget cuts. How they couldn't get any good training done, because they had no money for ammunition or anything. In training, if they ran out of bullets to fire, they would yell "Bang! Bang! Bang!" or yell "Budget Cuts! Budget Cuts! Budget Cuts!" to simulate shots being fired. Since Bush has been in office, we've never had those kinds of problems and there has been nothing but improvements in the military, we've had a couple small pay raises, and the quality of life has gone extremely up for people in the military.
And then there's people like me, who, even though he's kind of a nut, just might vote for Ralph Nader, just because he's the F-U vote."

Lets hope he listens to the 110% behind Bush guys and votes for what's right.



41 posted on 08/10/2004 2:33:52 PM PDT by BushCheney4America
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To: Mensius
Well, this account doesn't sound like it's from the rear. It seems to me that his fellow soldiers (his name and unit are given) could easily verify the accuracy.

http://cbftw.blogspot.com/2004/08/men-in-black.html

42 posted on 08/10/2004 2:42:03 PM PDT by TheMole
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To: BushCheney4America

I realize this is a conservative site, but must EVERYTHING be viewed through a partisan prism? I don't care whether this guy adheres to views I 100% agree with or not. He's giving a perspective that we're not getting anywhere else, and he's putting his life on the line in our behalf.

As far as I'm concerned he's paid his dues in spades and I'm not going to second guess his ideology or lack thereof.


43 posted on 08/10/2004 2:43:01 PM PDT by kms61
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To: ez
Can't tell from this whether he's pro or anti war.

"College Professors, One Professor who wants to bring up my blog in his class curriculum..."

Hard to say but that line might shed some light.

44 posted on 08/10/2004 2:46:45 PM PDT by Bloody Sam Roberts ("Goodnight, Mrs. Calabash...wherever you are.")
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To: Tunehead54

He hasn't yet.


45 posted on 08/10/2004 2:51:15 PM PDT by Cannoneer No. 4 (I've lost turret power; I have my nods and my .50. Hooah. I will stay until relieved. White 2 out.)
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To: kms61

Amen.


46 posted on 08/10/2004 2:51:44 PM PDT by SouthernFreebird
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To: TheMole
Yeah, your probably right. I shouldn't have spoken so quickly.

It's just that there are so many people that purport to be "Infantry" of some caliber telling war stories. When in actuality, under scrutiny end up being cooks. Not to offend cooks, (they let me "steal" bread to augment my MRE's).

47 posted on 08/10/2004 2:55:17 PM PDT by Mensius
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To: Mensius
Glad you like the Chairborn wings.

He is kept pretty busy, but they all get a coupla hours personal time out of the 24, most days.

He is a 240 gunner in a rifle squad. That's not the rear.

48 posted on 08/10/2004 2:57:51 PM PDT by Cannoneer No. 4 (I've lost turret power; I have my nods and my .50. Hooah. I will stay until relieved. White 2 out.)
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To: Hoplite
This is him, right?
49 posted on 08/10/2004 2:59:38 PM PDT by Cannoneer No. 4 (I've lost turret power; I have my nods and my .50. Hooah. I will stay until relieved. White 2 out.)
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To: Travis McGee; Docbarleypop; Egon; Cannoneer No. 4
Today at 15:15 we had a Company Mass Formation for a Purple Heart Ceremony

My daughter would admonish me that it should read 1515. Is it the same in all branches? Small point but something to think about.

50 posted on 08/10/2004 3:00:23 PM PDT by steveo (Witty tagline instructions.... Going out of business sale! Make offer.)
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To: Cannoneer No. 4

Just a joke (and a bump) - a true "damned if you do - damned if you don't" situation. You did the right thing cleaning up the title! Keep up your good work. :-)


51 posted on 08/10/2004 3:15:12 PM PDT by Tunehead54 (Kerry is endorsed by the Communist Party USA!)
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To: steveo

You would never use a colon in military (or police) time. But the guy seems to be something of a "free-form" writer who's not too picky about spelling so maybe it's a typo.


52 posted on 08/10/2004 3:27:46 PM PDT by Tarantulas
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To: E. Pluribus Unum

I think you are exactly right. Too much effort being put into using words like s**t and f*** enough to pass off as someone in the military (most people I know use the F word quite frequently but do not write it, that's too much).


53 posted on 08/10/2004 3:28:41 PM PDT by lt.america (Captain was already taken)
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To: Cannoneer No. 4

Lol, I was starting to sweat reading this :-) I'm glad everything is okay for now.


54 posted on 08/10/2004 3:48:11 PM PDT by TheSpottedOwl ("In the Kingdom of the Deluded, the Most Outrageous Liar is King".)
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To: Cannoneer No. 4
This might be my last entry, I haven't decided yet to end this, or continue this. I don't know what to make of all this yet.

Keep up the work, it’ll come in handy some day.
When I was in Viet Nam I kept a diary for awhile with the intention of writing a book someday - but then I figured no one would ever believe what they read. I sure wish I still had it. Letters home get lost as well as diaries.
What you have is a concise soldiers eye account of what is happening on nearly a day to day basis. We have a lot of books about the “Big Picture” written by Generals and reporters. Very few by the grunts, and they make the best reading. The idea your Battalion Commander had of using your stuff for the unit histories is a good one. The unit history for the 329th TC (my old unit) was a paragraph stating that we participated in numerous missions - and that covered several years!
By the way - did you get stuck writing up the awards?
55 posted on 08/10/2004 4:02:45 PM PDT by R. Scott (Humanity i love you because when you're hard up you pawn your Intelligence to buy a drink.)
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To: Bloody Sam Roberts
A little more form his blog:

Wednesday, June 30, 2004 Michael Moore Cares Check out the michaelmoore.com website, go to the "How can I help The Soldiers" part of his site, he has information on how you can get a free DVD copy of either Dude, Where's My Country or a Bowling for Columbine DVD if you are a soldier currently serving in Iraq. Just send an e-mail to soldiers@michaelmoore.com Michael Moore also has info on his "How can I help The Soldiers" part of his website on how you can be a Conscientious Objector. What a fuckin nut this guy is. If this disgusting fat body really wanted to help soldiers out here in Iraq, he'd keep his fuckin mouth shut and stop producing shitty documentaries. He also has a page on his website where he posts letters from Armed Forces members who bash the war and bush. I've read several of them. Interesting. He's also got cool info on a website called Booksforsoldiers.com

"He who joyfully marches to music in rank and file has already earned my contempt. He has been given a large brain by mistake, since for him the spinal cord would fully suffice. This disgrace to civilization should be done away with at once. Heroism at command, senseless brutality, and all the loathsome nonsense that goes by the name of patriotism, how violently I hate all this, how despicable and ignoble war is; I would rather be torn to shreds than be part of so base an action! It is my conviction that killing under the cloak of war is nothing but an act of murder." - Albert Einstein

56 posted on 08/10/2004 5:03:26 PM PDT by tricky_k_1972 (Putting on Tinfoil hat and heading for the bomb shelter.)
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To: R. Scott

Lovely post. I'm going to cut it & paste it as a comment on CB's blog. Just to make sure you know, Cannoneer No. 4 is just the guy posting these threads on FR, not the original author.


57 posted on 08/10/2004 5:03:50 PM PDT by Cannoneer No. 4 (I've lost turret power; I have my nods and my .50. Hooah. I will stay until relieved. White 2 out.)
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To: kms61

"Adding that if Freepers read things there that don't necessarily conform to their views, I hope they'll keep an open mind. Whether you agree with him or not, this guy is out there putting his life on the line. He at least deserves your respect for that."

Amen to that, I don't care if he votes for HRC, the man is DOING what needs to be done and that takes one hell of alot of courage.


58 posted on 08/10/2004 5:10:02 PM PDT by Leatherneck_MT (Good night Chesty, wherever you may be.)
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To: Cannoneer No. 4

Send it on.
I'd go to his site but I'm on too many now.


59 posted on 08/10/2004 5:10:48 PM PDT by R. Scott (Humanity i love you because when you're hard up you pawn your Intelligence to buy a drink.)
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To: R. Scott
Done at 4:45 AM Mosul time
60 posted on 08/10/2004 5:21:44 PM PDT by Cannoneer No. 4 (I've lost turret power; I have my nods and my .50. Hooah. I will stay until relieved. White 2 out.)
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