Posted on 12/06/2004 9:12:18 AM PST by MississippiMasterpiece
TOKYO – The Japanese government wants women like Taeko Mizuguchi to get married and start doing something about the nation's plunging birthrate. But she's not interested.
At least, not if her prospective husband is Japanese.
A growing number of Japanese women are giving up on their male counterparts, and taking a gamble that looking abroad for love will bring them the qualities in a partner that seem rare at home. Mr. Right, as the hope goes, is often an American or European, a man appreciative of a wife's career and more of a partner in daily tasks.
"They treat you like equals, and they don't hesitate to express mutual feelings of respect - I think Western men are more adept [at such things] than Japanese men," says the 36-year-old Ms. Mizuguchi, who works at a top trading firm. "They don't act like women are maids - I think they view women as individuals."
Underscoring that Japanese women are losing hope with the local boys, dating agencies to help snag a Western husband have sprung up in Tokyo, some with branches in the US and Europe. Such companies rigorously vet their clients, screening for education, family background, occupation, and life goals.
The kind of women who sign up for such services include doctors, lawyers, and other professionals - women who have delayed marriage to concentrate on careers and who aren't keen to give up hard won gains to become a housewife, as many Japanese men expect.
Japanese women have come to consider traditional marriage roles as "disadvantageous in terms of time resources - they have to carry the burden of domestic chores as well as lose their free time," says Chizuko Ueno, a professor of sociology at Tokyo University.
Normally, married Japanese women have not only to look after their own parents during old age, but also to care for their parents-in-law. When it comes to raising kids, "they can't expect much cooperation from their partner" because of the long work hours required at many Japanese corporations and because of established gender roles that assume that the woman does the child-rearing, Ms. Ueno adds.
A generation of women who are now entering their 30s don't want to give up single life unless prospective partners are willing to break from traditional gender roles.
Government polls conducted to find out why women have put off marriage until well after 25 years of age - known as a woman's " 'best before' date" - show that economic independence is key to the change. As most Japanese women have their own income, marriage is no longer a financial necessity and women want to find companionship in a husband.
That is where Japanese men have come up short. There is "a wide gap in men's and women's attitudes and expectations toward marriage" vis-à-vis traditional gender roles, says Sumiko Iwao, professor of social psychology at Musashi Institute of Technology in Yokohama. For instance, coming home later than your Japanese husband is a no-no.
Having ruled out an old-fashioned Japanese husband, many women here think the solution is a Western man. Indeed, some seem so enthralled with the idea that they are willing to spend thousands of dollars to inspect the wares personally. Of the more than 2,000 women on the books at one large matchmaking agency, about 200 travel to the US or Europe each month to meet prospects.
Sentimental projections have recently been extended to Korean men also, due to romantic Korean soap operas.
In 2003, Japanese women marrying American or British men outnumbered Japanese men marrying American or British women by 8 to 1. The total proportion of Japanese marrying foreigners each year has crept up from around 3.5 percent in 1995 to just over 5 percent. Japanese men are actually more than three times as likely as the women to take a foreign spouse, but this is mostly rural men marrying less well-off Chinese and Filipino women. "Such cases are elderly farmers not popular among young Japanese women," says Yuriko Hashimoto, a local government employee in the remote northern prefecture of Iwate.
To be fair, not all the blame for female angst here can be laid on Japanese men. The government has been slow to enforce equal opportunity laws, and both pay and the glass ceiling in most Japanese corporations remain low for women. Recession has hampered longer maternity leave and other family-friendly policies.
As Japan's fertility rate drops to new lows - at last count it was 1.29, well below levels required for population replacement - the ruling Liberal Democratic Party is anxiously drawing up plans to make it easier for young couples to raise children, through such measures as the provision of cheap public housing.
Mixed marriages in Japan
Japanese men marry: Chinese 10,242 Filipinos 7,794 Koreans 2,235 Americans 156 British 65
Japanese women marry: Koreans 5,318 Americans 1,529 Chinese 890 British 334 Filipinos 117
Source: 2003 Ministry of Health, Labor, and Welfare
I think you're probably right...typically the guy does the asking and the woman has the right to turn him down.
To be honest, though, I'm not sure which is easier. It can be excrutiatingly difficult and painful to turn someone down nicely and without going into great detail as to why you don't think it would work, particularly when it's someone you really do like a lot as a friend.
Not that you're not welcome to join us!
It's not easy being greens...
Even a little boys when they lost they gathered up their toys and went home sulking.
Desperation. The libbies are desperate.
Wait a minute....He SHAVED??? No way. Did he iron a shirt?
I personally like frog legs.... but pistachio ice cream? Oh, no contest. Pistachio ice cream with hershey's SYRUP... ooooooooo.....
Ifn someone should give me some reasons to get more practice I guess I would have to give it a go.
It'll only get worse as he grows, trust me on this...it'll only get worse.
nah.... hiding under the table whimpering....
Just don't use that 'I don't want to spoil the friendship we have' nonsense. It would be nicer to just kick them in the junk and walk away.
It's a HER. That's what boggles my mind. Slim, pretty, eats 4.5 tons of food per day, washes it all down with a truckload of twinkies.....
Stop that!! I am getting huuuunrrrggy
Wow
Good site
And BTW, women most definitelty have the upper hand..and I write from the perspective of one who, over the last 5 years, has watched my daughters set their caps for two guys, and then "allow" the men to woo, win, and marry them. I'm crazy about my two sons-in-law, they're great guys, but they never had a chance..never saw it coming..
That would be culture, which is a general thing.
Oh, come on now, Fatalis. I feel like we're playing merry-go-round word games. I said you made it more specific by adding the word "phenomenon," and you reply by using the word "culture" alone, without the very word that I said made what you wished to discuss specific.
Make three statements regarding cultural phenomena and I will show at least three times why they are generalizations.
Will one do? I'm supposed to be working here. :-) How about this: "In 2002, 1.5% of all native-born Japanese women between the ages of 18 and 25 married a native-born American man, an increase of 87% over the previous year."
No word games. Play nice. And remember two things: first, you said generalizations were "necessary" in discussing cultural phenomena, and second, your post, the one to which most people responded, talked about American women "on the whole."
It just ain't fair I tell ya!
If you really like him a lot as a friend -- I mean a close friend, not just a "hiya" friend -- and as the kind of friend you trust and respect, you shouldn't turn him down. You should marry him.
Marriages based on strong friendships are the kind that last.
Yep. Desperation, pure and simple.
Clean shaven and in a suit. What a sight to behold.
Gotta run. Wonderful talking to all of you. Lots of fun... and don't forget
HERSHEY'S SYRUP... It's not just for breakfast anymore.
Disclaimer: Opinions posted on Free Republic are those of the individual posters and do not necessarily represent the opinion of Free Republic or its management. All materials posted herein are protected by copyright law and the exemption for fair use of copyrighted works.