Posted on 04/20/2005 7:37:09 AM PDT by dead
The only thing celebrities love more than breeding is talking about breeding. And this week's goss mags are full of bleating about babies, be they real or imagined.
The fecundity of pop stars and actresses is the issue of the moment, and leading the charge is pop tart Britney Spears, whose rounded tummy is the natural result of her endless gushing about children. Brits is delighted, but NW magazine fears her husband, Kevin Federline, is not as committed as a father-to-be should be. Is it the gambling NW is worried about? Is it the willy-nilly fathering of children to other women? Or is it The Rat's inability to pull his pants up past the waistband of his undies?
In a disturbing twist on Britney's pregnancy news, NW reveals that the pop star's handbag chihuahua, BitBit, is also pregnant, to Britney's brother's dog, Lambchop. But instead of celebrating the happy event, poor Britney is worried the liaison might be incestuous. No word yet as to whether a quickie Las Vegas wedding has been arranged to legitimise the union.
Professional idiot Anna Nicole Smith is setting new heights of self-exploitation by becoming a celebrity columnist at the National Enquirer, a publication with a low IQ but a high circulation, kinda like Anna herself.
Meanwhile, Woman's Day and New Idea are attempting to gain ever more mileage out of the yawn-worthy story of the marriage of those two old shag-buddies, Camilla and Charles.
But Who magazine is the only rag to come up with good gossip from the royal shindig, by stealing quotes from Britain's News of the World. In a fine example of the privacy-invading tradition of the British tabloids, NOTW hired a lip-reader to decipher the royal conversations outside the church after the blessing ceremony. Charles's first post-ceremony words to his fresh-faced bride? The passionate, "Well, here we are then", which the Queen followed up with a warm and congratulatory "We're leaving now". Those Windsors really know how to throw a party.
Woman's Day gets hot under the collar with revelations that Catherine Zeta-Jones and her geriatric husband Michael Douglas are in "crisis talks" over their allegedly crumbling union - she wants more kids while he, quite rightly, reckons he's too old.
But while the world's great diplomatic institutions usually meet for "crisis talks" in The Hague or Geneva, the Douglases favour the island of Barbados.
Speaking of ill-advised unions, NW alleges Delta is engaged to her pop star boyfriend, Brian McFadden, with the only fly in the ointment being Brian is already married. In recent months, Delta has made great strides in muddying her reputation, even garnering the tag of scarlet woman, usually reserved for the likes of Angelina Jolie. But she undoes it all by sending best wishes to Mark Philippoussos, the man who dumped her for Paris Hilton. The gracious behaviour has to end, Delta, it's unAustralian.
DIBS on the soon to be former Mrs. Douglas!!!
I am sure Catherine Zeta-Jones will not have a shortage of willing fathers.
Get the kids, get the money, increase the fame, forget the vows.
MoDo VooDoo? NEKKED???
now there's a visual I didn't need so soon before lunch.
You have got to see this.
Aw, nuts. Congratulations pikachu.
This is cold, because the National Enquirer reported last week that Michael Douglas has had an obvious face-lift, with photos of open lesions next to his ears. He was photographed going to their island paradise, and if she dumps him now after he went to a chop shop for her.....
The media portrays Zeta Jones as some woman with class. I think she's been prostituting herself for the fame and money for quite awhile now. She hit it big with Douglas, who is very infatuated with her, and did a total image makeover.
Douglas/Zeta-Jones employ the world's happiest pool/cabana boy.
I heard "Z" in an interview talking about how she is from whereever Tom Jones is from and that they both believe in marraige and she doesn't believe in divorce! That didn't last long!
I don't get it. she's not a particularly BAD looking woman... after all, this is an ideology that contains helen freakin' thomas.
Z became famous when she slid under the laser beam in the movie with Sean Connery. And that was before we saw her face.
Time to sober up, Mo and sit by your phone. ...waiting...will he call...does he need a shoulder to cry on...has he matured enough to value brains over beauty...uh....
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