Posted on 08/20/2005 2:28:58 PM PDT by MississippiMan
Parents have long suffered the pangs of separation when a child ventures out of the nest and onto a college campus. But college and university administrators say that parental overinvolvement, from overcalling a student to overcontacting administrators, has become a pressing issue. Schools have even adopted measures to keep parents from intervening unnecessarily.
(Excerpt) Read more at boston.com ...
I don't that think this is liberal indoctrination so much as actually getting the kids to grow up. Having put myself through school, and having worked behind the scenes there, I saw countless parents who handled their kids battles for them instead of letting the kids handle it for themselves. This ranged from fines that they incurred and thus should handle themselves, to messy housing situations. Frankly it makes me ill. These are 20-somethings that should start taking care of themselves. I'm not saying that a school should cut all parental involvement, that's just silly, but at some point these kids have to start thinking and acting for themselves.
MM, you got it! Just send the money and we'll take care o the indoctrination. We can't have you interfering.
A friend's daughter went to Agnes Scott, a formerly well-regarded women's liberal arts college here in Atlanta. She stuck it out two years before bailing out for UGA. The rampant lesbianism and Liberalism was just too much for her.
"Substance free" means no smoking, period. The one advantage of the Ivies and other "highly competitive" schools, or the honors programs at most colleges, is that the kids there, for the most part, were admitted based on their achievements thru h.s., which already exhibit some level of self-control, self-discipline, but that usually means avoiding drugs and alcohol.
On the other hand, it is not at all unusual, as cajungirl noted, to have your kid's roommate "canoodling' in the next bed, which I would have serious problems accepting. When I was in school, male guests weren't allowed past the lobby in the girls dorms, but now they have totally free reign in coed dorms. "Women only" dorms are referred to, derisively, as "convents."
Our kids can make good choices and find a circle of friends of other like minded students on any campus, but you can't get around the roommate you were assigned. Administrators think that's something for the students to work out .. maybe for your kid to accept ... and rarely, if ever, make changes to accommodte the student who doesn't want that behavior going on in his/her room.
I have no doubts sex and drugs are rampant. They were when I was there. I think the kids should have been taught what you expect them to do then make their own decisions.
Then they are right on that count.
I don't think schools should be policing the students, except in true legalities.
If the girl or boy in the next bed is having sex the roommates need to talk it over. They need to deal with it as adults.
You cannot shield them from the fact that college students are having sex. It was everywhere when I was there it is everywhere now.
Teach your morals and trust the kids to internalize them. They may fall along the way, as many of us did, I'll wager. Then you pray they pick themselves up and get back on track.
I do not doubt that there are sex and drugs rampant on campus.
I was offering the substance free dorm to the poster as an option. I personally would not want my kids in the substance free dorm. The world isn't substance free. They have to learn how to deal with it.
Sometimes people have to walk a path we don't agree with to get to their rightful place in life.
As long as my sons are productive and out of jail, I really don't care if they become liberal for a time. They'll come around once they pay taxes!
"... the roommates need to talk it over."
Do you honestly think that "talking it over" will have any effect on someone who has no problem having sex in front of your kid in the first place? I find it an extraordinarily selfish act, and anyone with that level of selfishness is not about to honor anyone else's wishes or feelings.
"You cannot shield them from the fact that college students are having sex."
That's fine if that's their choice, just don't do it in front of my kid!!
I had a roommate who woke me up one night having sex. I threw a pillow at them. Didn't stop it. So I opened the door to the hall, called to the folks still hanging out.
They came to the door, catcalling all the way.
She never did it again.
I didn't need mommy or daddy to solve my problem.
Agree that kids need to grow up, but I think this goes beyond that and into the realm of meddling. So what if they want to talk daily? Or bring a few home-cooked meals? That's for the kids and parents to work out, NOT the college.
MM
YOU are a hoot !!!
Your reminding me of that story had me chuckling all morning!
BTW, that girl is now a homeschooling mother of four! You just never can tell. . .
I read that book for my book club and found it fascinating, like all of Wolf's stuff.
What could a parent have done it that scenario? Talking to her about the realities of college life in the years leading up to her going away would of course be the best thing. But Charlotte's parents were as naive as she.
I think the social isolation in HS contributed as well. She had virtually no social life and such poor self-esteem regarding men, and so was unable to cope with college pressures.
Even if her parents had an inkling of what was going on, what could they have done? Forbidden her to go to the fraternity formal?
The ground work needs to be laid long before they leave home.
that IS funny !!! Guess mom doesn't want the kidlets repeating her mistakes.
I agree 100% about how important it is to inculcate our own values from a very early age or it's hopeless expecting them to resist the social pressures, especially through middle and high school. By the time they get to college, it's just waaaaaaaay too late. When we dropped my daughter off at school 1000 miles from home, I felt very comfortable that she'd make good decisions .. and she did!
BTW, while you are checking out colleges for your daughter, let me suggest that two state schools in VA are excellent and a little less lib than those in New England: UVA and William and Mary are considered "public ivies" and even with out-of-state tuitions are considerably lower than the Ivies and most private schools. (also the atmospheric and political climate tends to be more moderate, if that matters). George Mason is also a superb VA state school that doesn't have the panache of the others, but offers a wonderful education, especially in economics (2 GMU profs were awarded Nobel prizes in econ). FWIW.
LOL! The sex story happened while I was an undergrad at UVA! Great place, great people. And it IS less liberal than most schools, politically, anyway. And one of my boys wants to go there. The other plays squash so he really has to go to New England. Sigh.
My father has audited classes at GMU with Walter Williams. Great perk to being a Virginian. Not that you need any . . .
I had a just 17 year old son who had been sheltered and very naive in 1976 at George town no less who was sexiled from his room by his "sophisticated" 21 year old roomate frequently with his "older woman" girlfriend. I did not find out until later and even then I was darned mad. To this day I do not know how I could have prepared him. I did hear my daughter telling her 18 year old first time going away to college that he was not to be sexiled from his room. I do not believe that was hovering.
No, of course it's not hovering to warn them what can happen. It gives them preparation for the situation so they can stand up for their rights. Hovering is dealing with the roommate yourself or requesting your child be moved.
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