Full Time Motherhood?, How Selfish

Hartford Courant ^ | 11/05/05 | Julie Shiller

[conservative cat]

Also, another great option is to have a dad at home.

My husband stays at home, except for a handful of hours he works evenings a week. He is in the restaurant business and if we had to rely on his salary and benefits, we'd have to live in a box on the street. Our youngest (our only child together) is a very well adjusted happy child.

[Seizure]

"Sociology and Gender Studies have to be two of the most worthless Bachelor of Arts programs in today's universities"


And we made fun of an imaginary "basket weaving" B.A. Julie sure can weave that toilet paper.

[conservative cat]

I think many young women who work would stay at home with their children, but they fear that if the marriage dissolves they will be economically devestated.

I totally agree. I knew with my first husband that there was a divorce in the future (due to his mental issues and addictive behavior, including sex addiction) and so always made sure I was looking for ways to further my career (with balance- I have always tried to work smarter instead of more hours- and I was always home before my then husband). I am not wealthy but when the inevitable split came (when there was an in-my-face affair), I was able to keep supporting my family at a full-time job I had flexibility with (I pick the hours so I can be home with my older children after school- and I can do some telecommuting, also.) I did not want to end up a suddenly single mom who has to work 80 hours a week at low paying jobs just to pay rent. The good thing in our family was that my mother took care of my two children while I worked, so they have always been with a grandparent when not with a parent.

[JoeFromSidney]

Back in the late '80s I taught the introductory course in Management to college juniors. Towards the end of the semester there was one class session on managing your own career. I used to ask the women in the class how many expected to combine marriage and a career. Without exception, every semester, the response was 100%. I then asked the men how many expected their wives to combine marriage and a career. Again, the response was 100% every semester.

Evidently there has been a generational shift, with many of today's college women wanting an education but planning to be full-time wives and mothers.

I'm glad to see them wanting an education before becoming full-time mothers. Their children will be the better for it. So will their husbands. After all, what man wants an ignorant wife?

[after dark]

It has been a long time since I read something so vain. I don't know where to start dismantling this garbage. She seems to believe the fate of the whole world or at least the fate of all women rests in the anointed hands of Ivy league women. She also believes these women can only be useful to society during their child bearing years. How are the children of Ivy league women supposed to maintain the tradition of educational excellence if they are being raised by people who not highly educated? Maybe that is the point. I bet Ms. Shiller would toast mash mellows if the children of Ivy leaguers ended up on welfare because they could not compete with the children of stay at home moms. She is right all women who love and want the best for their kids are selfish. The women who don't want the best for their kids are child abusers. Ms. Shiller has expressed contempt for all women and all children. Ms. Shiller is probably not unselfish herself.

[festus]

Hey Julie sweetie. Having money makes your life better deal with it. And having a man in a household goes a long way toward having money.

Now sit down and shutup you hairy a$$ed feminist broad. And for God's sake get a bra them things are saggin.........

[Victoria Delsoul]

They are choosing careers as full-time mothers and expect to be supported financially by their successful spouses. Such expectations are utterly selfish and a dishonor to the struggles that the Second Wave feminists (those who came of age in the '60s and '70s) endured for my generation.

I had to laugh at this ridiculous statement.

The whole article is deprived of sense and logic. It reeks of envy and jealousy against women who decide to stay home and take care of her children. Not every stay-home mom is rich or as her ad puts it: Today, many white women who were fortunate enough to be born into wealthy families are taking their limitless opportunities for granted. I guess black women or non-white women aren't fortunate enough to be considered here.

There are lots of women who sacrifice their career and income to raise their children. They didn't marry men for their money, and those women are making a real sacrifice to educate their children and give them love and moral support, and they instill values a day-care worker can't provide. These mothers are the unselfish ones.

I know a few FR mothers who are doing just that.

Ivy League women are not taking advantage of the ability they have to make incredible strides in the fight for gender equality that would benefit women from all backgrounds. Instead, they are choosing to use their power for their own selfish desires.

If my own selfish desires require not to become as stupid and blind as this individual, then, I'm happy not to take advantage of whatever ability I have to make strides in the fight for gender equality.

[cubreporter]

heh, heh...maureen dowdy. Perfect example.

[cubreporter]

Thank you very much.

[cgk]

I knew there was something about you I always liked, we are birds of a feather! ;)

Ditto! Birds of a feather, not birds in hand! ;) You always hear stories about mothers-in-laws asking "Can she cook?" At least I know what the answer is: YES!

[jimfree]

Wait a minute - my daughter graduated with a Bachelor degree in sociology in May 2004 and is not like this person. Of course, she went to a small liberal arts college in western Illinois where Bush 41 was the commencement speaker the spring before she started there. So, there may be something in the choice of schools after all.

My congratulations to your daughter. Some of my best friends have studied sociology

[jimfree]

Sociology= The painstaking pursuit of the obvious.

An RA at my Fullerton State dorm in 1970 told the story of taking his first (and maybe only) sociology course. On the first day of class the students were administered the "final exam" and told that anyone who scored an A on the exam would be excused from the remainder of the classes and receive the A grade for the course. Mr. TA told us that the exam was common sense and he got an A. One of asked if that meant that sociologists or sociology majors don't have any common sense. Mr. TA went on to say that at the end of the semester he received an F. Consulting with the instructor and reminding same of the first day promise, TA was told that they had later changed the rules and included an attendance component in the grade.

[MHGinTN]

Can't be by the hatellary census, but just go to court seeking a divorce where minor children (to age 21 if still in school) are involved!

[Robert A Cook PE]

All ways of grading show your point. (Giving an exam before giving the class, A on exam at first of class means no subsequent attendance needed, AND thinking they could change things in the middle of the class AFTER giving the exam and without notifying the whole class)

They ALL show the teaching assistant, and professor, and the rest of the entire class - have no common sense.

[William Terrell]

It is hard for thee to kick against the pricks, Julie dear.

[kalee]

Read post 112

[Politicalmom]

I think we should keep this article and send it to any unfortunate male who considers marrying this wench.

[zeaal]

The opinion writer completely overlooks (and doesn't understand) the fact that these women will have a HUGE impact on their families and communities and the Nation by being SAHMs. Women who are on the career path overlook women who remain home ... this writer talks of being part of the third wave of feminism --- then she should recognize that ALL women contribute and have a vital role in our society. Women who are at home are often discounted for their contributions. They will be involved in schools, civic groups, politics, fund-raising, etc. that will directly impact all the citizens (even working women). It takes a whole bunch of us to make this big ol machine (USA) work.

One more note ... who do you think all the working moms in the neighborhood put down as the emergency number at their kids' school when their kids get sick or have an 'accident' ... yep, the stay at home neighbor.

[Northern Yankee]

I thought the whole article was breathless in ignorance, and the author had no absolute clue as to what the world is all about.

I showed the article to my college age daughter and she kept asking if it was satire.

It sure does read like it, doesn't it?

Did I mention I was in AZ last week? I loved it, and had a great phone conversation with Karen.

Someday we all gotta meet!

[nymomx2]

Kids are exactly what true feminists do not wish to address; and all their supposed solutions--abortion, day care--address only their own needs.

I have a phD in engineering and two kids. Never, at any time did my husband and I consider day care--we simply didn't want someone else raising our kids. Sure, it was hard, and even now, I sometimes regret the career I set aside (especially when I find my "superiors" to be paragons of cluelessness like this author). But my husband, whom I love dearly, credits my staying home with how wonderfully our kids have turned out. One is in law school, the other in grad school. And me? I started a new career in teaching, and am delighted day by day to work with high school kids. Rest assured, the future is in good hands; there are many, many kids with their heads straight--many kids who love their parents and appreciate their parents, especially their moms.