America's model housewife turns feminist as husband abandons her

Guardian Unlimited ^ | January 8, 2006 | Paul Harris

[LWalk18]

Learning useful lifetime skills is a highly recommended idea regardless of one's attitude concerning women's role in home-making.

Not only getting an education, but making sure your job skills stay current as well. The problem was that she should have gotten at least a part-time job once her children were grown. I wonder if she saved and/or invested the money she got from her book as well. All housewives or future housewives should have an emergency plan in case of divorce or death of a spouse. Few women today should expect to marry at 20, 25 and remain a housewife for life.

[HairOfTheDog]

Are you speaking from experience? I didn't get the impression that's what happened here.

Her point that housewives who acquire no marketable skills in life can be pretty dang vulnerable in divorce at 67. And I'd have to agree.

[ladyjane]

Good grief. Judging from the reactions here, it seems women just can't win no matter what they do. No matter what happens, it's always the woman's fault.

Good summary.

[JOHANNES801]

Yea,but there are a hell of a lot women who step out on their husbands too.my guess is its about 50%.

[Hischild]

WELL SAID!

I was having trouble finding the words - you took care of that!

[HairOfTheDog]

The divorce left her facing an uncertain financial future, bereft of income and - after spending her adult life bringing up five children - lacking skills to make her attractive in the job market. Despite that, the judge in her divorce case suggested that - at 67 - she go for job training.

The only hole in this whole scenario, which ordinarily is a plausible one, is that Hekker was a published writer. That IS a marketable skill, as evidenced from her current book contract. She's better off than the example she is making of her own situation.

[SauronOfMordor]

Interestingly, somewhere around 2/3 of divorces are initiated by the wife. The popular stereotype of the husband dumping the wife for the hot new trophy bride is not usually the reality.

From my observation of my friends' divorces, when the woman initiates it she's most likely in her 30's, hubby's career is going nowhere, and she wants to trade up while she's still reasonably good looking and the kids are still minors so she can get lots of child support

It turns around later. When the kids are grown, and it's just him and her, the husband is more likely to decide its time to move on. Ruinous levels of child support are no longer an issue, and alimony is less generous to the woman. Plus, if he has his own business, it's easier to salt away funds in places her lawyers won't be able to find

[HairOfTheDog]

Kudos, and thank you.

[meanie monster]

agreed

[Restorer]

Well, in my personal experience a number of divorces have been precipitated by the wife who "just isn't happy" with her boring husband. Some of the most decent men I've ever known were walked out on for this reason.

As usual, the needs of the children in these cases seem to not even be important enough to be taken into consideration.

[Capriole]

Its in the stats. For every 1 woman divorced by her husband, 2 men (often clueless as to why) are dumped by their wives

Hi. Could we have some documentation for that statement? You cite "stats": which particular set of statistics, harvested when and with what methodology, are you using to make this statement?

Personally, I am at a loss to know what study would reveal that twice as many men are dumped by their wives as wives by their husbands, that they didn't have a clue why, or that the wife did it merely because she wanted to exploit a blameless, flawless husband with the help of the legal system.

[mad_as_he$$]

Is it also possible that she is frigid, too talkative, very demanding, slightly senile and a henpecker? Naw we can't tell that from the one sided presentation of the story.

[GOPPachyderm]

Absolutely, she is entitled to half of his retiremet funds - they have a social contract. I'm skeptical that the judge would have ruled this way and it is certainly different than the judgements handed down in the cases of people I know.

[sassbox]

Excellent post!! It is sad to see some FReepers take such attitudes - in the eyes of some poeple women are damned if they do damned if they don't. I get the impression that certain posters just don't like women period. Really sad. Thanks for being a voice of reason!

[EGPWS]

Despite that, the judge in her divorce case suggested that - at 67 - she go for job training.

In other words, "you made your bed, now lay in it".

[HighlyOpinionated]

Excellent Book, Recommended for Everyone.



He wants respect, she wants love. All explained quite well in the book.

[Fawn]

Its in the stats. For every 1 woman divorced by her husband, 2 men (often clueless as to why) are dumped by their wives, who correctly gauge that the current system is set up to screw men out of their children and out of their money.

It's in the stats that men are often clueless as to why the wife filed? PUHLEEZ. They file because they had enough of him having it both ways. Someone already pointed out that women file 2/3 of the time and that the non-faulty party are the ones to file.

[mupcat]

Boy, if she doesn't look like the spitting image of Arianna Huffington! If I knew how to post a side by side pic I would.

[bmwcyle]

What liberal woman doesn't?

[Gondring]

She might spare some of her bile for the feminists who insisted that no-fault divorce and free love would be a boon for women.

I take it you didn't read the story...

Hekker admits her story is partly a lament for the lost concept of marriage for life. Though a self-proclaimed liberal, she believes easier divorce has played largely to the advantage of men. 'Socially, it is acceptable for men to divorce these days. They still get invited to everything. If my father had left my mother the way my husband left me, no one would ever have spoken to him again. Divorce has become a licence for men to behave badly,' she said.