Posted on 05/22/2006 1:10:58 PM PDT by Diana in Wisconsin
MILWAUKEE, WI - I am the NRA. Really!
I had to join the National Rifle Association Friday to get into the "acres of guns and gear" exhibit at the gun group's annual convention.
Figuring it will be a cold day here in Liberal Hades before the NRA ever brings its national convention to town, I headed down Interstate 94 to check out a different culture.
Was it worth it? Totally. I picked up enough pro-gun freebies and gear to annoy all my liberal friends back in Madison.
For my vegetarian boss, there were copies of Ted Nugent's cookbook, "Kill 'Em and Grill 'Em." For my dad the municipal judge, a bumper sticker that reads "Soft Judges Make Hardened Criminals." I'm keeping the mini-Glock keychain and the bumper sticker with the classic Charlton Heston quote: "From my cold dead hands."
I now know where to buy camo nighties and thongs in the mossy oak pattern. They're from "The Formal Sportsman," located, most excellently, on Chippendale Lane in Port Matilda, Pa. For the gents, the company offers camo tuxedos and camo dress shoes to ease those painful occasions when dressing up is required.
I think the "Got Sig?" women's T- shirts would solve the Downtown Madison mugging issue. Those thugs would think twice if they thought Badger co-eds were packing Sig Sauer handguns. Of course, this assumes the thugs:
A) Can read.
B) Know what a Sig is.
As I listened to my radio on the way, conservative talkers Charlie Sykes and Jeff Wagner assured me that there would be no safer place in the world than downtown Milwaukee with 60,000 NRA members, "Freedom's 2nd Army," on the watch. Earlier, Madison talker Vicki McKenna said that despite what we in the liberal media will tell you, there are no freaks at an NRA convention.
Is she right?
Sure, as long as your idea of normal is a crowd that is 100 percent white, mostly older, and mostly male.
I attended a different convention at the Midwest Express Center exactly a year ago. The Milwaukee Bead and Button Show was an estrogen-fest of women pawing over displays of expensive shiny things. This weekend's NRA trade show was a testostorone-fest of men pawing over somewhat larger and more expensive shiny things.
The main difference is political. About as mean as it gets at a bead show are T-shirts that read, "Not Tonight Honey, I'm Beading."
But at the NRA event, I was greeted by Del Ellefson a "Washington County Republican" wearing an anti-Gov. Jim Doyle placard. Inside, the NRA was giving out dump truck stickers that read "Dump Doyle." And there was former Milwaukee Sentinel food editor Lee Aschoff wearing a denim shirt that read "Dump Doyle," on the front, and, on the back, "and Baghdad Russ, too."
Wow, don't see many of those in Madison.
Around 2 p.m., we all trooped over to the U.S. Cellular Arena to see Ted Nugent open the convention.
Behind me, three men expressed their admiration for the rocker-hunter-gun lover from Michigan.
"Wouldn't want to be a liberal around him!"
"I think the John Birch Society is too liberal."
"I'm to the right of the Spanish Inquistion."
Were they talking so loud because they could tell I was from Madison? Did I give off Liberal-aroma? Could they smell vegan bratwurst on my breath?
At the Arena, I was glad that no one knew that the last show I saw there was the anti-Bush Dixie Chicks.
I watched NRA president Sandy Froman, who looks like a fourth-grade teacher in her pretty flowered scarf, introduce the crazed looking Nugent. As he ripped into the National Anthem on his Tony-the-Tiger striped guitar, I recalled the last time I saw him live: 30 years ago at Bicentennial Fest at the Rockford Speedway. Who knew he'd become a law-and-order type?
And who knew Nugent would become the answer to the trivia question: Who uttered the naughtiest word ever said over the airwaves of Wisconsin Public Radio? Larry Meiller still chokes when he talks about it.
My reverie ended as Nugent hit the last chords of "The Star Spangled Banner." Suddenly, I realized that I was the only person in an arena filled with flag-wagging, gun-loving people who did not stand, with hand over heart. Suddenly, I felt thousands of glaring eyes.
Suddenly, I felt a little less safe in downtown Milwaukee.
I slunk out a side entrance and didn't relax until I crossed the Dane County line.
Cross-cultural visits are nice, but I feel safer among my own.
Contact Susan Lampert Smith at ssmith@madison.com or 252-6121.
"If this writer thinks we a funny, she must think paying taxes, worshiping God, raising kids, staying married and following the law is funny too."
She's completely un-funny. Haven't read anything amusing out of her in years. She's a total race-baiter, too. When they were having problems in Madison around the Capitol Square because the "Hip Hop Crowd" was having too much fun at one of their bars and disturbing the new (white, yuppie) tenants of some nearby $500K condos at bar time, Boy Howdy, did she lay it on thick.
You should've heard her crucifying smokers when businesses in Madison were fighting the city-wide smoking ban. She is totally clueless on any social issue, and as for "diversity" she's a white female, always lived in the midwest, has a husband and 2.5 kids and the standard liberal Subaru.
Yeah, she knows sooooo much about everyone else's life. *Rolleyes*
Cross-cultural visits are nice, but I feel safer among my own.
We feel safer with him there too.
Imagine a liberal so color blind he couldn't find a person
of a different race out of all those people, now THAT is
progress ive.
Her, HER! Wouldn't want to be rude and confuse her gender.
Jinkies!
I didn't know Velma got contacts...
Did I miss something? The author does not seem to mention any actual guns that she saw there, focusing instead on the trinkets and stereotyping the attendees - maybe the actual firearms were too yucky and scary and threatening for her to get close enough to actually (gasp) touch one. Or was it just that she was so disgusted by the experience of mingling with those yucky and scary and threatening older white males that she left in disgust before she had a chance to be scared by the guns.
Recently, I (a former Scouter) was at a local Scout Jamboree, (doing a flint-knapping demo) when the bugler played "To the Colors". I just had time to drop what I was doing, get to my feet, face the flagstaff, remove my headgear, and place my hand over my heart -- when the National Anthem started.
Sad to say, walking across the parade ground toward me (with their backs to the flag) were two women in Denmasters' uniforms -- yakking away and ignoring the ceremony. As they came abreast of me, in my best "drill sergeant" voice, (with the volume cranked 'way down) I barked, "Ladies! Honor the Flag!!!
In obvious confusion, they turned around, looked around to see what others were doing, and, finally, saluted. One just put her hand over her heart, and the other (realizing she was in uniform, I guess, rendered a sloppy Scout (not Cub) salute.
As soon as the Anthem was over, they took off like a shot. (Apparently, they feared that I intended to to give them a "dressing down" -- and, truthfully, the thought did cross my mind). '-}
Later that afternoon, they brought their Pack by to see my demo. I couldn't resist saying, "I hope you both are going to go home, read the Handbook, and give these boys a good lesson on proper Flag etiquette at your next meeting...")
Had I been seated near this reporterette, I could not have resisted growling, "On your feet!". And if she didn't stand, my next word certainly would not have been, "Lady"... :-{
I hate people like that.
I still have nightmares about screwing up a flag raising or lowering or folding or not having my "cover" or some other piece of my uniform out of kilter, or making a mis-step while on Color Guard, etc. And I've been out of the Army for nearly ten years now!
I'm glad there are still people like you in this world that take this stuff seriously. It's obviously burned into my brain for all time, LOL!
Keep up the good work. :)
I remember hearing one of the pro gun gay group 'Pink Pistols' put it this way: "What if Matthew Shepard had been packing?".
"I'll bet her husband Matt is a sissy."
Can't say about that, but have you checked to see if Matt is short for Matilda?
;-)
Thank you, I will. :)
I doubt she's worth that either.
I guess the leadership and members of the board couldn't be there?
Typical lefty from Madison...
I say that we infiltrate a moonbat event in return...
Gosh, maybe it isn't the guns that are the problem.
Anyway, these folks sound like decent, safe, lawabiding folks. Not like the sleazy Democrats the author loves so much.
Yeah, and I bet she'd feel real "safe" there, too. Nitwit.
Another gutless wonder driven by fear of everything. Go find a hole and hide there, it is the only place you and your little liberal friends would feel safe.
Me and the rest of the folks at FR will go ahead and enjoy life without you.
Kudos all around for the facilities and the Warm Wisconsin Welcome from the NRA. :)
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