You know, I think I am offended. Here I am, a perfectly good atheist and not once have the religious police grabbed me and dragged me to church. Week after week I wait here expecting the door to be smashed in and the Christians to forcefully convert me, but instead I have to sit here watching football all Sunday. Am I so bad that they won't even try to save me? Then again, I do vote Republican, so maybe my "minder" covers for me, signing my name on all the right lists so that it appears that I am conforming.
Maybe you're really not an atheist but are a closet agnostic and won't admit it?
Come out of the closet!