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NYTimes: Bush told truth! Saddam a true threat! Yellowcake!

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“Earlier today, I ordered America’s armed forces to strike military and security targets in Iraq. They are joined by British forces. Their mission is to attack Iraq’s nuclear, chemical and biological weapons programs and its military capacity to threaten its neighbors”

The Bush Derangement Syndrome at the NY Times has reached such yelpingly mad levels that the Times its inevitable breakdown is nigh. The most telling symptom (besides yesterday’s outright lying) of an impending crash is now manifesting itself as the Times’ inability to reason or use simple logic.

In the paper’s insatiable hunger to destroy the Evil Enemy Bush and His Minions, they have frontpaged this story:

U.S. Web Archive Is Said to Reveal a Nuclear Primer

Among the dozens of documents in English were Iraqi reports written in the 1990’s and in 2002 for United Nations inspectors in charge of making sure Iraq abandoned its unconventional arms programs after the Persian Gulf war. Experts say that at the time, Mr. Hussein’s scientists were on the verge of building an atom bomb, as little as a year away.

Yeah! In the wee small hours of some morning, President Bush, the stupidest (and most evil!) man in the world personally uploaded into the web ALL OF IRAQ’S NUCLEAR PLANS, drawings, diagrams, equations. (Ummm…actually Congress put this stuff online, but never mind about that. It’s not like they gave tech information to China, or nuclear power to North Korea, but I digress).

So, the NY Times twirls its mustache and writes:

Stupid Evil Bush Reveals Saddam’s Nuke Plans, and He was Only a Year Away from Having Nukes and….and….

Times Peon #1: HOLY CRAP, Mr. Keller, did we just validate everything Dick Cheney and Colin Powell and stupid evil George Bush said to the UN? When we’re spilling secrets, we’re not supposed to do that!

Keller: OMG, WE DID! We DID validate these scheming nazi theocon bastards!!!

Times Peon #2: And…and…and what about Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame and those sixteen words Bush said…you know, the impeachable 16 words about the Brit intelligence and the Yellowcake! Jim Geraghty at TKS says we might have freaking validated that story, too!

Keller: Ohhhhhh crap! And freaking bloggers! Okay, let’s spin this, baby, spin it! All hands on deck! Turn this ship around! Call Chris Matthews! Call MoDo - no, wait, don’t call her, she’ll make it worse by pretending to be Emma Peel, or something - call Bob Herbert! He’s a wiz at shifting the rudder! Spin, spin! Call Olbermann!

Peon #3: Aye, Aye, captain! Uh, sir, Olbermann is chewing floorboard and Matthews is crying, again. Should we call Judith Miller, sir?

Keller: Jesus God Almighty! No, no, just let her stay buried!

Times Peon #2: There is no God but Allah, sir, and Mohammed is his prophet. Be careful with those acclamations or we might get into trouble with Islamofa-

Keller: Don’t you say Islamofascists, Peon! You know the only fascists on this planet live in the White House and…some place in Kansas…

Times Peon #2: Sorry sir, lost my head - a confusing day. Anyway, we want them on our side, sir, the ummmm…non-fascist Islamists. They’re telling people that the Democrats should win this election!

Keller: Exactly. Thank you, Peon, you’re a good man for reminding me about them. You’re right, this is no time to lose our heads!

Times Peon #1: Hah-haha, good pun, sir!

Keller: Pun, hell, I’m quite serious! (Pounding well-coiffed head against the newsroom’s fifth column)…I gotta think…gotta think…we need…we require…we gotta get Clinton in on this, no choice, only Clinton can spin this thing as adroitly as we’re going to need!

Times Peon #3: Which Clinton would that be, sir? Bill Clinton was on the cover of Time Magazine calling Saddam out in 1998 and saying he had WMD and possibly nukes! Hillary Clinton said in 2003 that the intelligence that stupid evil Bush was showing congress was “consistant with what we saw in the White House in the 1990’s.”

Times Peon #2: And besides, sir, you’re going to have a hard time using Clinton if the bloggers start reminding everyone about the nuke trigger he gave to Iran in 2000!

Keller: (under his breath) Damn! Freaking Clintons, can never count on them for anything! What about Gore!

Times Peon #1: Unavailable, sir! Flying a private jet to Iceland to warn about Global Warning, the biggest threat facing the world at this time, as you know!

Keller: Kobayashi Maru?

Peon #2: Fiction, sir. Star Trek, I think?

Keller: Albright! Gimmee Albright!

Times Peon #3: Under the desk with her head down on her knees, sir, with Byron Calame! She’s in a sort of trance muttering this over and over again: “Iraq is a long way from [here], but what happens there matters a great deal here. For the risks that the leaders of a rogue state will use nuclear, chemical or biological weapons against us or our allies is the greatest security threat we face. I knew that when I said it on Feb 18, 1998.” She keeps saying it, sir. And Calame is saying, “Banking data, NSA leak…no way out, no way out, no way out.”

Times Peon #1: Albright and Calame have gone bye-bye, sir.

Keller: I always did think they were the same person…alright, you know what? Get Kerry. Bring on John Kerry! He was a sailor! He’ll spin this wheel and turn us aright! He knows how to get out the information we want gotten out. And besides, he owes us! We shot down the Swiftboat Vets and never asked to see Kerry’s milrecords, and we and got him an extra 10-15% in 2004!

Times Peon #2: Confined to quarters, sir, on account of nobody really likes him, much.

Keller: Okay,dammit, then sound the sirens! Dive! Dive! Dive!

Times Peon #2: Sir, we’re not a submarine, we are the majestic shining jewel of the journalistic sea! We are The TIMESTANIC!

Times Peon #1: Iceberg, straigh’ ahead!

Hate consumes the hater and the NY Times is killing itself because it hates stupid evil George W. Bush and all you unsophisticated, knuckledragging little red-staters stupid enough to believe him, too. Oh, and every chance they can get, they’re going to weaken our defenses against people like Saddam, and countries like Iran, and North Korea. Until, of course, there is a someone with a D after her/his name once again skulking about the Oval Office.

“In the four years since the inspectors left, intelligence reports show that Saddam Hussein has worked to rebuild his chemical and biological weapons stock, his missile delivery capability, and his nuclear program. He has also given aid, comfort, and sanctuary to terrorists, including al Qaeda members … It is clear, however, that if left unchecked, Saddam Hussein will continue to increase his capacity to wage biological and chemical warfare, and will keep trying to develop nuclear weapons.”
– Sen. Hillary Clinton (D, NY), Oct 10, 2002

In my experience, Ed Morrissey is going to be the go-to “Captain” on this story, so check back with him throughout the day. He more than anyone (and certainly not the “mediating intelligences of the press”) has been keeping track of the slow, steady translations workand the info we’re gleaning from 45,000 boxes of Iraqi documents no one else seems to care about.

Also writing:
Flopping Aces
Blue Crab Boulevard
Ace
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Joust The Facts tracked back with The Times Has Done It Again
Doug Ross @ Journal tracked back with New York Times: Hussein months away from a nuke
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Musing Minds pinged back with The Timestantic
Captain's Quarters tracked back with So I Guess The FMSO Documents Are Legit

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9 Comments ?

So I Guess The FMSO Documents Are Legit
Over the past year or so, I have provided CQ readers with a number of translations from key Iraqi Intelligence Service documents that have been translated by either the FMSO or by Joseph Shahda of the Free Republic website. I…
Trackback by Captain's Quarters ? November 3, 2006 @ 9:39 am
[…] You have to go read the Anchoress’ latest post. There is way too much good stuff to excerpt anything so go there and read it all. posted by kimschShare and Enjoy:These icons link to social bookmarking sites where readers can share and discover new web pages. […]
Pingback by Musing Minds » Blog Archive » The Timestantic ? November 3, 2006 @ 9:41 am
[…] Links: Hot Air, Levin, Hub, Riehl World,MM, Anchoress, Bama and a link to John E. Carey who continues to scoop the MSM with his reporting of an American citizen being held in Vietnam […]
Pingback by A Pound of Kerry Flesh « Nuke’s news & views ? November 3, 2006 @ 9:46 am
Saddam Closer To Bomb Than Anyone Thought
The New Yorks times confirms that in 2002 Saddam Hussein’s “scientists were on the verge of building an atom bomb, as little as a year away:”
Among the dozens of documents in English were Iraqi reports written in the 1990’s and in…
Trackback by Stop The ACLU ? November 3, 2006 @ 9:47 am
New York Times: Hussein months away from a nuke
Oh, about those WMDs and close ties to Jihadi terrorists: Iraq had them, according to the Times (an Illustrated Guide)…
Trackback by Doug Ross @ Journal ? November 3, 2006 @ 9:50 am
The Times Has Done It Again
This time, though, I think they’re going to be pretty unhappy about what they’ve done. Attempting to go on offense and administer the coup de grace to their beleaguered opponent, the NY Times exposes a story today how Iraqi nuclear
Trackback by Joust The Facts ? November 3, 2006 @ 9:59 am
[…] Update: A must read by The Anchoress […]
Pingback by The Strata-Sphere » Blog Archive » NY Times Forgot About Clinton’s Nuke Gift To Iran ? November 3, 2006 @ 10:11 am
That Impartial Press….
The extremely predictable last-minute election-swaying hit piece from the New York Times is just about due. Wonder what it will be this time…and if it will involve more national security leakage?
Trackback by Stubborn Facts ? November 3, 2006 @ 10:38 am
[…] But, if you’re the New York Times, the interpretation of this astounding news is “HOW DARE BUSH SHOW THE WORLD HOW TO MAKE A BOMB, BASED ON SADDAM’S NOTES!” […]
Pingback by Say it with me: “It’s All Bush’s Fault” « On the Silent Planet ? November 3, 2006 @ 10:41 am

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