Goodbye Resurrection, hello bobble-heads

National Post - Canada ^ | Thursday, November 09, 2006 | Ian Hunter

[GMMAC]

Goodbye Resurrection, hello bobble-heads

Ian Hunter, National Post
Thursday, November 09, 2006

The United Church of Canada, the Church that prides itself on supporting abortion but opposing bottled water, has again committed blatant theft, stealing the bread from a satirist's mouth. After all, how can one parody an institution that is itself beyond parody? It reminds me of what happened to the British magazine Punch when it planned an issue satirizing the pompous Radio Times; on the very day that Punch appeared, the Radio Times led with a story touting a BBC program on "The Place of the Potato in English Folklore."

Even a heartfelt apology by the United Church to disgruntled satirists will not suffice; the Church has debased the apologetic currency. Apologizing is what they do best; apologies unctuously delivered whenever any self-proclaimed victim pokes up her/his/its head. In fact, had the Church issued fewer apologies they might have had even more money to spend on their new advertising campaign, featuring a bobble-headed Jesus on the car dashboard with a check-off box asking: "Funny. Ticket to hell. What do you think?"

I confess I don't quite know what to think. I wonder sometimes if thinking is allowed. "Strategically non-judgmental" was a phrase used to describe the ads by one United Church spokesperson. But I can guess what the sturdy Congregationalists, Methodists and Presbyterians who in 1925 merged to create the United Church might have thought of a bobble-headed Jesus.

At least since the 1970s, the United Church has been in a neck-and-neck race with the Anglican Church to see which one can empty its churches faster. In a desperate attempt to appear relevant, the formula for both churches is pretty standard: (1) Conform the Church's mind, as far as possible, to the prevailing consensus. (2) Abandon any parts of Christian doctrine that might conceivably give offence. (3) Play up the social gospel, but give up on that other Gospel.

The results are in: From a high of over two million members, the United Church has shrunk to about half a million, and its membership rolls are as reliable as lists of Joe Volpe supporters.

Another new U.C. ad shows a wedding cake, with two grooms in formal attire mounted -- on the cake, I mean, not each other -- asking: "Does anyone object?" Well, no objection will come from those with no stake in what Scripture calls "the faith once delivered to the saints." On the United Church's Web site, where there is much palaver about "creating inclusive communities" and "embracing diversity," there is little about Christian doctrine -- by which I mean that which has been believed, taught and, however imperfectly, practiced by Christians for centuries.

Why not? Well, perhaps the Internet site Wikipedia has the answer: The United Church, it says, "shies away from any rigid interpretation of the Bible."

But one thing must be said for the United Church; it shies away from the Bible, but never from controversy. For example, in 1997, the then Moderator, the Right Reverend William Phipps, touched off a storm when he expressed doubts about the Resurrection of Jesus. One might be forgiven for thinking that this is a fairly central tenet of Christianity to be doubtful about, but perhaps the bobble-headed Jesus of the dashboard is easier to grasp than the mysterious post-Resurrection Jesus who appeared to his disciples.

Another new United Church ad shows Jesus as Santa Claus, which might pretty accurately sum up the state of theological discourse within the denomination. Another ad features a can of whipped cream with the question: "How much fun can sex be before it's a sin?" Arguably not quite in the vein of Thomas Aquinas's Summa Theologica, yet I suppose this question might prove titillating to that dwindling band of mostly seniors who turn up on a Sunday morning to hear sermons against the evils of bottled water.

Introducing the new $10-million dollar advertising campaign, Reverend Keith Howard said: "We have become aware that particularly for many people in the 30 to 45 age group, many of them do not know that the United Church of Canada even exists, much less what we stand for."

Well, now they know. It stands for Santa Claus and a bobble-headed Jesus who blesses same-sex marriage and whipped cream.

- Ian Hunter is professor emeritus in the Faculty of Law at Western University in London.

[GMMAC]

Wonder Cafe (United Church of Canada) Advertising Campaign
(each of the 4 ads linked above can be enlarged for more appalling viewing by going through the link on the bottom left-hand corner of the Wonder Cafe homepage).

Note to American FRiends: "Joe Volpe" referred to above is a mafioso-like fringe candidate in the current Liberal leadership race whose now exposed corrupt practices have included signing up the dead (e.g. akin to a Stateside Chicago Rat)

[GMMAC]

PING!

[concrete is my business]

OMG. The United Church MUST have been infiltrated in the 70's by Godless Commies and these ads are just another deliberate attempt to drive the membership numbers down to nonexistent.

As ridiculous as that sounds, it is the only explanation I can think of as to what are the desired results for the UC from this promotion.

I have noticed a few more church buildings on the real estate market here (and those seem tough to sell too). That might become a trend if it isn't already.

[GMMAC]

To me, this is an interesting - if disgusting - article so I'm somewhat amazed you're the only one to comment on it in now over 24 hours.
Dunno - maybe I should have originally added some sort of clarification after its headline out on the forum ???

Guess I figured the combination of "Resurrection" and "bobble-heads" was odd enough in and of itself ?