Mitch Henessey (singing): Putting the keys in my left pocket. Dah DAH dah dah. Gun in the right-hand side.
Samantha Caine: It makes a bulge, people can see.
Mitch Henessey: Ya want me to stick it in my pants and shoot my damn dick off?
Samantha Caine: Now you're a sharpshooter?
Money should go in the left front pocket. That way, when somebody comes close enough to shake your hand, s/he'd have to reach all the way across your body to take your money.
(Corollary: If you attend an event that requires you to wear a name tag, stick it on your right breast/chest. That way, when people shake your hand, they can more easily read your name.)