Posted on 04/16/2007 9:26:36 PM PDT by goldstategop
Within hours of the massacre of more than 30 people at Virginia Tech University, the president of the university issued his first statement on the evil that had just engulfed the college campus and concluded with this:
"We're making plans for a convocation tomorrow at noon in Cassell Coliseum for the university to come together to begin the healing process from this terrible tragedy."
In this photo provided by the Collegiate Times, ambulances wait on the Virginia Tech campus in Blacksburg, Va., following multiple shootings, Monday, April 16, 2007. At least 30 people have been reported killed. (AP Photo/Collegiate Times) Other university officials also spoke about beginning the healing process and about bringing in counselors to help students heal.
I believe that this early healing talk is both foolish and immoral.
It is foolish because one does not speak about healing the same day (or week or perhaps even month) that one is traumatized -- especially by evil. One must be allowed time for anger and grief. To speak of healing and "closure" before one goes through those other emotions is to speak not of healing but of suppression.
Not to allow people time to experience their natural, and noble, instincts to feel rage and grief actually deprives them of the ability to heal in the long run. After all, if there is no rage and grief, what is there to heal from?
The Jewish tradition, still observed even by non-Orthodox Jews, is to sit "shiva" (seven) days and do nothing but mourn and receive visitors after the death of an immediate relative. One does not have to be a religious Jew or even a Jew to appreciate this ancient wisdom.
It is not good for people to feign normalcy immediately after the loss of a loved one. People who have not been allowed, or not allowed themselves, time to grieve suffer later on. Any child who loses a parent and is "protected" from grieving by a well-intentioned parent who tries to act "normal" right after the other parent's death is likely to pay a steep psychological price.
Personally, I don't want to heal now. I want to feel rage at the monster who slaughtered all those young innocent people at Virginia Tech. And I want to grieve over those innocents' deaths.
This whole notion of instant healing (like its twin, instant forgiveness) is also morally wrong.
First, it is narcissistic. It focuses on me and my pain, not on the murderer and the murdered.
Second, it is almost obscene to talk of our healing when the bodies of the murdered are still lying in their blood on the very spot they were slaughtered. Our entire focus of attention must be on them and on the unspeakable suffering of their loved ones, not on the pain of the student body and the Virginia Tech "community."
This notion of instant healing and preoccupation with the feelings of the peripherally involved, as opposed to the feelings of the directly hurt and anger over the evil committed, are functions of the psychotherapeutic culture in which we live.
I am an advocate of psychotherapy -- I frequently feature a psychiatrist as a guest on my radio show. But a major downside of the psychotherapeutic culture is that it regards everything in life in psychological terms and is preoccupied with feelings and the elimination of pain.
Pain is necessary. I far prefer a Virginia Tech campus filled with students enraged at the monstrous evil just committed and filled with grief over the deaths of so many of their fellow students than a Virginia Tech filled with students worried about healing their own pain.
Immediate talk of "healing" is not the only rhetoric we should drop. Let's also drop the nearly universal moral absurdity of counting murderers among the dead. As of this writing, eight hours after the massacre, I see on all the networks "32 dead." It should read "31 murdered." I do not know when exactly this notion of counting murderers along with their victims began, but it is a moral travesty.
No news organization would have imagined giving the number of dead at Pearl Harbor so as to include Japanese pilots shot down. But in our age of moral neutrality, all dead are given equal weight -- the terrorist along with his victims; the shooter along with the students.
Why is the Virginia Tech murderer always referred to as the "gunman" and not the "murderer"? Had he stabbed a dozen students to death, would he be the "knifeman"?
And why is it always referred to as a "tragedy"? Virginia Tech wasn't hit by a cyclone. That would be a tragedy. This was evil. Call it that.
We have embraced emotion-numbing, righteous-rage-denying, morally neutered, therapeutic language. It is as as much a part of our national crisis as are the acts of evil we refuse to identify as such.
I agree! Deep in my heart, this talk of "healing" is offensive, wrong.
I see.. then BACK TO BUSINESS... as usual brain washing American children as socialists.. and leftist ideologues..
I love his radio show. It is the most articulate and rational program on the air. His Friday Happiness hour is terrific.
Dennis hits the nail on the head. I couldn't agree more.
I enjoy listening to Dennis because more than other talk show host he thinks about many of the same things I think about and frequently comes to the same conclusions.
Dennis Prager is brilliant, no doubt. He has an excellent radio program that often addresses topics from deep philosophical and moral viewpoints.
His guiding principle, as he explains on the show, is that he seeks “clarity” on a topic more than he seeks agreement.
It is VERY important, what you did. I cut off all my hair when my mother died; I had to, not by custom, but divine instinct. The emotion of grief is powerful and must be honored. I wore black.
I was fortunate to have honest, wise friends. When I told one my mother had died, she said to me, “I pray you will be able to grieve.” And another friend said to me, “You will never get over it.” This is true.
Life goes on, but the grief along with the bond becomes part of you and it is a blessing.
..we can’t skip through the hard part..like turning the channel. Prager has spoken a mouthful here..I completely agree. ..and thanks for your personal thoughts, good post.
“Sounds like the school don’t want to deal with truth”
Yeah, that’s kind of become a problem with most schools.
I’m not Jewish, but in the row home neighborhood that I grew up in, the women saw to it that the family didn’t have to attend to the daily chores. Meals, laundry, house cleaning, grass cutting, etc were assigned and accomplished. While not exactly shiva, it allowed the family to concentrate on their loss. We don’t have that anymore and I think it’s a shame.
That is so true. I appreciated any attempt by others to make a gesture or just to be company, as you say. God guides and provides.
Well stated. Thank you. There is alot of wisdom in your post and Dennis’.
My Father passed away last year, and it is just now that the emotions are bubbling up, which I feel is a direct result of my well-meaning family’s unintentional suppression of my reaction to the event.
Dennis is correct.
These clowns that profess to be leaders are nothing but referees wearing a PC patch on their sleeve.
I agree with this, and not only in an event such as this. It is unfortunate that in modern times, when we feel bad, the response is to try to deny or fight the feelings. Pain and suffering exists for a reason, and not just to be run from.
Great, as if the people in one building weren’t enough of a target, this dick is going to put all the students in a stadium the day following the massacre! The man is an idiot (not had to believe considering it’s a university).
Sometimes these things happen in bunches; good procedure would to break for a while. It seems more and more this moron is about putting it apast him so he can forget about it, let alone not having to disrupt the university's schedule.
I can’t believe stupid people are put in positions of authority but I see it everywhere, particularly in Universities and government. We need to stop supporting institutions that have a policy of failure!
Great article, and great post from you. Dennis is the best!
Let the healing begin. We’ll bring in as many grief counsellors as necessary, and if we aren’t getting the results we need, we’ll offer them overtime and a bonus for early completion.
We may have to subcontract to outside firms to get the proven expertise we need, and if we are going to bid this competitively, we need to move quickly. In the interest of time we may have to consider no-bid contracts, but we want to make sure we are good stewards with the public money.
We are considering some grief specialist firms in Bangalore, who are prepared to offer economical grief reduction over broadband. We just make sure our target demographic has access to the appropriate links, and we can service this need quickly and efficiently. I attach a sample e-brochure in pdf for your review.
Seriously, I didn’t know anyone who was killed on 911, but if I’m forced to focus on that day my eyes still well up with tears.
I’m not planning to get over it. Not ever.
If you suffer a real loss, it is my belief that you don’t get over it. You learn to live around your loss, but you don’t get over it. You shouldn’t expect to.
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