FROM HENCE FORTH THIS NEWS AGENCY WILL NO LONGER PROVIDE THE NAME OF NUTJOBS WHO GO OUT AND KILL PEOPLE IN A MURDEROUS KILLING SPREE. THOSE B*ST*RDS WANT THE ATTENTION. WELL, WE'RE NOT GIVING IT TO THEM. STARTING TODAY, WE WILL REFER TO THEM SIMPLY AS MURDERING LOSERS OR SICK B*ST*RDS. NOR WILL WE SHOW THEIR F*CK*NG FACES UNLESS IT'S A PICTURE OF THEM AFTER THEY BLOW THEIR D*MN HEADS OFF.
Regards, the Editor-in-Chief
You have been scooped by the competition for the final time. You're fired.
Regards, Publisher.