Sometimes you gotta move, gotta get a bigger house. Why? No room for your stuff anymore. Did you ever notice when you go to somebody else's house, you never quite feel a hundred percent at home? You know why? No room for your stuff. Somebody else's stuff is all over the goddamn place! And if you stay overnight, unexpectedly, they give you a little bedroom to sleep in. Bedroom they haven't used in about eleven years. Someone died in it, eleven years ago. And they haven't moved any of his stuff! Right next to the bed there's usually a dresser or a bureau of some kind, and there's NO ROOM for your stuff on it. Somebody else's s--t is on the dresser.
Have you noticed that their stuff is s--t and your s--t is stuff? God! And you say, "Get that s--t offa there and let me put my stuff down!"
What can I say, he’s one of the few comedians that I actually find funny.
Sad. He was a mess, though.
May he rest in peace.
RIP George.
No wayyyyy THE GEORGE CARLIN
We’re losing a lot of these old great ones lately. RIP, Mr. Carlin, you made me laugh.
And through our tears of grief, let us endeavor to never forget the flatulent hilarity that ensued each time George graced us with his presence. Surely the Seraphim themselves are pulling upon his finger at this very moment.
Saw George live at the Circle Star (San Carlos, CA) in the early 70’s. He walks to center stage (it was a round revolving stage) and after all the cheering and whistles settle down, he is hit by a single spotlight. The very first thing out of George’s mouth was: “Did ya ever notice how your own farts don’t smell bad??” the place went crazy...
He used to do...
“IN THE NEWS”
A football team died today in sudden death overtime.
Scientists have discovered a disease that has no known symptoms. It is impossible to detect and there’s no known cure. Fortunately no cases have been reported thus far.
A man was arrested today for trying to use food stamps to mail a watermelon.
The FDA announce today that saliva causes stomach cancer. However, only when swallowed in small amounts over a long period of time.
And finally, a psychiatrist has discovered a cure for apathy. However, no one is paying any attention to it.
RIP Mr. Carlin, you were a funny man.
Bummah! he was liberal twit but the man had wit.
RIP George. Yo made me laff with all my heart
Another good thing about Carlin is that, since he grew up in upper Manhattan, he was a New York Giants fan. When they moved to San Francisco, he became a Mets fan.
“When interviewing with a guy, look at the picture of his wife on the desk and say, “Who’s the c*nt?”.
It still makes me laugh...
“Tonight’s forecast: Dark.”
His is the last direct link to the transitional Lenny Bruce era that connected the Classic comedy era to the 60's and early 70's political social commentary/comedy.
RIP GC.
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Baseball is a nineteenth-century pastoral game. |
Football is a twentieth-century technological struggle. |
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Baseball is played on a diamond, in a park. The baseball park! |
Football is played on a GRIDIRON, in a STADIUM, sometimes called SOLDIER FIELD or WAR MEMORIAL STADIUM. |
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Baseball begins in the spring, the season of new life. |
Football begins in the fall, when everything is dying. |
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In football you wear a helmet |
In baseball you wear a cap. |
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Football is concerned with downs. "What down is it? |
Baseball is concerned with ups. "Who's up? Are you up? I'm not up! He's up!" |
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In football you receive a penalty. |
In baseball you make an error. |
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In football the specialist comes in to kick. |
In baseball the specialist comes in to relieve somebody. |
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Football has hitting, clipping, spearing, piling on, personal fouls, late hitting, and unnecessary roughness. |
Baseball has the sacrifice. |
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Football is played in any kind of weather: Rain, snow, sleet, hail, fog...can't see the game, don't know if there is a game going on; mud on the field...can't read the uniforms, can't read the yard markers, the struggle will continue! |
In baseball if it rains, we don't go out to play. "I can't go out! It's raining out!" |
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Baseball has the seventh-inning stretch. |
Football has the two-minute warning |
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Baseball has no time limit: "We don't know when it's gonna end!" |
Football is rigidly timed, and it will end "even if we have to go to sudden death." |
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In baseball, during the game, in the stands, there's kind of a picnic feeling. Emotions may run high or low, but there's not that much unpleasantness. |
In football, during the game in the stands, you can be sure that at least twenty-seven times you were perfectly capable of taking the life of a fellow human being |
And finally, the objectives of the the two games are completely different:
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In football, the object is for the quarterback, otherwise known as the field general, to be on target with his aerial assault, riddling the defense by hitting his receivers with deadly accuracy in spite of the blitz, even if he has to use the shotgun. With short bullet passes and long bombs, he marches his troops into enemy territory, balancing this aerial assault with a sustained ground attack that punches holes in the forward wall of the enemy's defensive line. |
In baseball the object is to go home! And to be safe! "I hope I'll be safe at home!" |