Ladies and Gentlemen: The 50sDad Welfare Plan:
As of today, your government issued food card will not work on anything that is processed in any way. You may buy fresh vegetables, plain healthy whole-wheat bread, cheese, eggs, milk, and lean hamburger. No longer will Popsicles, any sugared cereal, dessert of any kind, donuts, ice cream, snack foods, soda, or any kind of food deemed "fun". Since some of you must apparently be treated like children, no dessert until you finish your vegetables. From now on snack foods are the reward for holding down a job. If you kids want to know why other children get chips and Twinkies in their lunchbox, tell them it is because you can't seem to maintain any kind of employment and must live off the work of others.
Wow! Sounds like my grocery list! Oh, but I buy that way for that pesky old health thing.